to question DS' Achievement Award?

[cakedup]

Every year, the school have an evening of presenting Achievement Awards to students in year 7 - 11, two students for each subject.

DS is profoundly dyslexic and struggles academically. But tries hard and is well behaved. In year 7 he won an award for the SEN department. I had mixed feelings about this but he seemed happy enough. In year 8, he won an award for PSHE. He has no idea why he won this award and was genuinely confused by it. He felt it wasn't really deserved and that his name had got picked out of a hat.

Now in year 9 and he has been nominated again. I am obviously pleased, always good news. DS wasn't over excited - to be fair, it's a loooong evening, in an extremely hot hall, watching people walk on/off stage. We won't know what the award is for until we get there and are presented with a list as we walk in.

DS has no idea what the award is for, it's usually the super brainy kids who get the awards. He suspects it's for textiles. There has been a constant change of teachers for this subject and they've barely done any proper work. But they have to give an award to someone and DS is an easy target because he is well behaved and school like to encourage him because of his SEN as he has had self esteem issues regarding this.

AIBU to turn up on the evening, check out the list of awards, and if DS has been nominated for textiles then just head home again? DS says if it's for textiles it is completely meaningless.

First, talk to the school. Tell them how he is feeling. Then they can talk to him about why he has been chosen. You're guessing it's Textiles when you don't actually know.

If it is Textiles, then he has stood out from the rest in a positive way. It may just need clarifying what that positive is. You're both feeling it's a patronising worthless award, but the staff won't see it like that.

Another thing about kids being in school - it's not just about the academic side, it's also about learning to mature, work in a group, be polite, understanding of others. In effect growing from a child into a young adult. Some kids really struggle with this (I work with 11 year olds that are showing tantrums at present because their parents haven't given them the skills to try and deal with the word "No" or even "Not right now, I will when I've just done this"), so if your son is showing maturity even in the face of 7 different teachers, give him a pat on the back from me.

If it is textiles, maybe they are giving it because there were 7 changes of teachers and he showed the most resilience in coping with that. Perhaps he had the best behaviour and work through a change of working people and methods.....may not be as such for his actual skill in textiles ut for his inner skills which need recognising and rewarding. Our school does the same thing in that you don't know what award you have been given until you arrive . Our ds is very academic and I know has the highest results in the year in quite a few subjects yet was not given an award in any subject, as I explained to him the schools will base the awards on a variety of reasons :)

Why did you have mixed feelings about the sen award in y7? I think the fact he won that means he is generally recognised as a student who works hard and makes good progress within his capacity to do so. Staff want to recognise that and often less academic subjects - PSHE, Textiles etc give students who aren’t as able to produce detailed written work and opportunity to show their skills. His attitude and the progress he makes will have been noted. I agree that a rapid changeover of teachers is not good and means they won’t know him so well but they will have noticed who makes an effort with whatever they are asked to do and who doesn’t bother and will want to reward those who try.

Of course it's possible to give a meaningful award for textiles. There are awards for every subject, and the awards are for people who have done best in that subject. Regardless of there having been a succession of teachers and little work done in textiles, there will still be students who have worked better than others, so why not give them an award? I fail to see what is so 'meaningless' about being a good, well-behaved student. They are the ones who make the most of the lessons even when there are repeated staff changes and uneven teaching.

As a teacher, it can be hard to put your finger on a specific reason for an award even though that child is the want you want to give it to most!

Some children get awards for being academic, others for being sporty. Others show great character in ways which are hard to describe, but there is no category for that!

I'm with mrsg, please feel grateful they recognise him sufficiently to want him to have a prize.
DS is very bright, works hard, is quiet and well behaved. Of the 180 boys in his year though, there are always enough that do slightly better than him so he does not get prizes. It's annoying but it is what it is. He'd be chuffed to get any recognition or acknowledgement.

I will convince DS there must be a reason he is picked, like other posters have said, even if it's that he is well behaved and cooperative.

Yes this. Especially as there’s been a big turnover of teachers, maybe he’s the one that’s coped best with that disruption, kept on going and trying hard, and that is something teachers really appreciate (and a very useful life skill).

Have to agree that Prize days are a very mixed blessing though and I’m not convinced they are a good idea.

Not rtwt but agree totally with you. I think it makes a kids self esteem worse if they think they only got the award because of their difficulties.

In my day academic awards were given to the student that achieved the highest grade, which seemed very fair and straightforward. Perhaps they should go back to this system.

I know exactly what you mean.
My two teens are now so desillusioned about it all that any award has no meaning at all to them, even when actually there are some very good reasons for them to get it.

Their take (not mine btw) is that awards like this are given either to ‘give a boost’ to some people who are struggling, to try and give an incentive to the most disruptive to be calmer or to the ‘teacher’s pets’. But only rarely because someone has done something really worth celebrating.

So I’m not surprised that your is baffled by the awards.

How many kids are in the school? Why would your son be nominated 3 years in a row if he didn't deserve the award? There must be around 100 kids that don't get an award each year. The vast majority of kids wouldn't receive one at all throught their schooltime. If it's just a case if they have to find someone then they have a pretty large pool ti pick from so don't need to go with the same kid 3 years in a row

Btw for those who are saying it’s to reward the ‘good and serious students’. The issue is there are actually quite a few good and serious students who will never get a award at all. Usually because they are also the quiet ones and the quiet ones are forgotten (because they never draw attention into themselves)...

I agree it’s more likely that he is receiving the prize because of his SEN. In which case, I would highlight his perseverance and the forts he is making etc.... (whilst knowing fully well that the reason the prize is for textiles etc... is because it is seen as ‘lesser’ subject so giving the price to him will be less contentious. Doing the same in let’s say is likely to draw more grumbles from parents and students alike)

it's usually the super brainy kids who get the awards

Not in our school. The well behaved, smart kids who achieve lots don’t get awards. They go to the ones who have “tried hard” and “most improved” (Oh, and the ones who’s parents are on the PSA.)

I don’t have an issue with that, but it does send a bit of a shitty message out to the really bright kids who work hard too.

I do get where you're coming from, OP. My school used to do similar awards and you only attended the awards ceremony if you'd won something. I didn't mind going so much when I'd won something I genuinely felt I was good at. I did mind very much, the year they awarded me an "effort prize". I knew I hadn't put in much effort that year and I usually won one or two academic achievement prizes - so to me, that year was "well you tried but didn't succeed" and I hadn't even really tried at all (lots of personal issues). Labrodite is right, I felt extremely patronised. My mum made me go to the awards ceremony anyway while my friends all got to go and hang out in the sunshine on the common. I've never forgotten the boiling resentment that they were making me go and sit in a hot stuffy room for hours to receive a prize I didn't want while my friends who hadn't "achieved" a prize got to be free! What kind of reward is that?!

I think it’s worth finding out how decisions for awards are made to be able to explain to him. It might well be that it is for the child that tries the most. My son is one of the brightest kids in his class; he is naturally bright but lazy. He always comes top of the class but has never had an award for that when I asked I was told he doesn’t try hard enough. They recognize he does well but also see that he doesn’t put in much effort. They reward kids that have shown great improvement and resilience. He was disappointed again this term but we’ve explained to him why. Maybe they are rewarding your son for his continued effort despite his SEN.

He's been picked out of 1000's of students for an award.

Whether he feels it's the actual subject or another reason he's picked what he needs to realise is he's been noted for something by teachers.

I'm sure if no one ever noted him and the effort he puts in due to dyslexia - you'd also complain

It's a positive thing that each year he's being recognised, even if it is for generally being a good egg (a significantly underrated quality as a school thrives on a healthy cohort of them).

Some people do have advantages that make them shine and being a fairly closed community, there will be a regular cohort that claim the Maths, English, Science etc that sadly are more esteemed in the curriculum.

He sounds low on confidence. Does he do anything out of school that boosts him?

Exactly@Fyngal123. One thing I have always told my kids, who are all of mixed ability is that I don't mind what results you achieve as long as you try your best. I made it very clear to them that not everyone can get top marks in everything but you can be proud and I will be proud of them for giving their best. If awards reflect that then great,

In my day academic awards were given to the student that achieved the highest grade, which seemed very fair and straightforward. Perhaps they should go back to this system.

Isn't getting the top grade reward enough? Why do you need a prize for being the best?

please feel grateful they recognise him sufficiently to want him to have a prize.

^ This in spades. My DS has complex SEN and attends a special school, but was previously at an Ofsted Outstanding infants school. They treated him appallingly. They used his full-time 1:1 TA for other students and didn't care when we found out; he got further and further behind the other pupils and they swore blind that he was keeping up well; he was bullied horrifically and they ignored it; when Ofsted visited they made sure that he was in a different part of the school to the inspectors throughout the visit (his TA was made to keep moving him around) so that Ofted wouldn't see "the special needs kid". They crushed his self esteem and it was a truly awful time for him.

Please be happy that your DS is at a school that cares for him and recognises his talents. Well done to him.

There is a rather unpleasant tendency on here for posters to come out fighting to “protect” the school / teachers, no matter what the content of the post and how much they have to misconstrue or twist things in order to have something to get all snipey and fighty about. The Wall Of Defensiveness really doesn’t help anyone.

Anyway, OP I feel for your DS. Why should he have to stand up before his peers to accept an award that is at best meaningless, at worst a rather patronising pay on the head for the SEN boy?! How is that going to improve his self esteem? Or help him in any way beyond learning how to cope with socially embarrassing situations?

I have a disability, and I am all too aware of the excruciating feeling of having to pretend I’m Terribly Grateful when people decide to do something like this. Why should anyone be grateful for a absolutely meaningless, token award when others will be getting awards that actually celebrate their achievements. All it does is highlight a difference in the way one person is treated... which is not what inclusivity means at all.

I’d be careful that these types of non-award awards don’t end up making DS feel worse with his fragile sense of self esteem.

Whatever the intention, if he recognises this award as separating him out from his peers due to his SEN, as a patronizing pat on the head, only ever in the unimportant subjects in which he’s not excelled at all personally, well, it’s not a great message is it?

I’d see how much he’s internalising the negative messages of this awards ceremony on top of last years, and decide whether it’s worth hoping the award isn’t for textiles, or that you can help him laugh it off if it is? Or if you think the negatives would outweigh his resilience to brush off the potential crassness, then I’d not go, and show him how irrelevant you think these things are.

I reckon AppleKatie and MrsG have it. Not everyone can be academically brilliant, but the qualities that teachers seem to be recognising in your DS go beyond the academic, and are qualities that will help him to achieve in many subjects, not to mention in life generally. Like MrsG I have a DD18. Not academically brilliant, not someone who goes out of her way to be noticed, but very talented in one particular subject. She had never had an award at her previous school - there were others who were as talented, but rather better self-publicists. This year (different school for sixth form) she has won her first ever award - a great boost before going off to uni. MrsG I hope your DD has her moment of recognition soon. However much we tell them they're great, a pat on the back from someone outside the family is so valuable. OP - enjoy the evening with your DS (and the pizza and chips!) If this is his third award, and he's only in Y9, that's great!

He is getting an award for his hard work every year yet every year he is incapable of appreciating his name has been chosen out of 100s of children to receive the award and seem incapable of celebrating being awarded. 3 years running you/he have some criticism of the awards.

Somehow he's got it into his head he's either not good enough or worse the awards aren't good/specific enough and your OP seems to mirror these thoughts. You really need to get across to him, and yourself, that these awards are a good thing, no ifs and buts, and your/his negativity towards them are self depreciating and not healthy.

It's such a mystery why schools can't recruit isn't it? Your child is talented at something and yet you are still moaning? Get a grip.

Doesn't sound like the school is doing a brilliant job of communicating why awards are given or how they choose the recipients.