Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

to question DS' Achievement Award?

80 replies

cakedup · 13/07/2019 09:36

Every year, the school have an evening of presenting Achievement Awards to students in year 7 - 11, two students for each subject.

DS is profoundly dyslexic and struggles academically. But tries hard and is well behaved. In year 7 he won an award for the SEN department. I had mixed feelings about this but he seemed happy enough. In year 8, he won an award for PSHE. He has no idea why he won this award and was genuinely confused by it. He felt it wasn't really deserved and that his name had got picked out of a hat.

Now in year 9 and he has been nominated again. I am obviously pleased, always good news. DS wasn't over excited - to be fair, it's a loooong evening, in an extremely hot hall, watching people walk on/off stage. We won't know what the award is for until we get there and are presented with a list as we walk in.

DS has no idea what the award is for, it's usually the super brainy kids who get the awards. He suspects it's for textiles. There has been a constant change of teachers for this subject and they've barely done any proper work. But they have to give an award to someone and DS is an easy target because he is well behaved and school like to encourage him because of his SEN as he has had self esteem issues regarding this.

AIBU to turn up on the evening, check out the list of awards, and if DS has been nominated for textiles then just head home again? DS says if it's for textiles it is completely meaningless.

OP posts:

lollipopguild · 13/07/2019 10:08

You don't actually know yet what the award is for ?

Original poster

cakedup · 13/07/2019 10:08

RedSkyLastNight sadly, many children don't turn up for the awards.

BarbariansMum - you get me!

Anyway, as most think IABU it's given me food for thought. I've decided we will stay, even if it's textiles. And I will convince DS there must be a reason he is picked, like other posters have said, even if it's that he is well behaved and cooperative. His fave pizza and chips afterwards. He deserves to be celebrated.

OP posts:

Original poster

cakedup · 13/07/2019 10:10

herculepoirot2 didn't ever say I wasn't going to go at all and I'm not complaining about it. I'm questioning it, I'm allowed to do that.

OP posts:

Sparklypurpleunicornsaremyfav · 13/07/2019 10:11

Maybe it actually is for one of the subjects you've just mentioned, they've seen the vast improvement in him and want to reward him for it.

Original poster

cakedup · 13/07/2019 10:11

I really hope so Sparklypurpleunicornsaremyfav . He deserves it.

OP posts:

herculepoirot2 · 13/07/2019 10:12

You’re allowed to do what you want. And others are allowed to say you sound extremely whiney and ungrateful for the effort the school is going to to reward your son. But each to their own.

Mrsjayy · 13/07/2019 10:15

Your son has Sen his self esteem is going to be quite low anyway that is why he doesn't know why something is deserved, it is 2 hours out of your day see some positives to the award and ceremony some kids never get encouragement from anybody or anywhere and you are being a miserable bugger about it!

SoupDragon · 13/07/2019 10:16

Yes, that’s right, OP. Tell your son his award is meaningless.

It's quite clear that it is the son who thinks and has said it is meaningless.

Nomorepies · 13/07/2019 10:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

Bob5 · 13/07/2019 10:18

If he has had 7 teachers in textiles then there is a good chance some have fed bad to the HOY or cover team that he worked hard, got on with the work etc. So even if he doesnt realise it, he would have been noticed and his work ethic reported on.

BubblesBuddy · 13/07/2019 10:21

Yes the DS thinks it’s worthless and goes to a school where many DC think the same. That’s parent led and I feel sorry for the school. What an awful attitude. Why cannot people just say “thank you” and accept graciously? What has happened to parenting to allow this to happen?

MrsGrammaticus · 13/07/2019 10:21

I'm sorry but i don't understand your attitude. By contrast my DD18 attended a school for 10 years. She got 10* gcse and is lined up for medical school.....she never received a single award from that school because there was always another student who excelled a tiny bit more and got a few marks more than her. But then that is the way life is. She became resigned to it by the end, however it has done sweet FA for her inner self esteem as a young adult. Even a token award actually would have been super.

Alb1 · 13/07/2019 10:21

If he doesn’t want to go because it’s a long boring night then fair enough. But it doesn’t mean that award would be meaningless, if they can’t award it for a particular piece of work or whatever then surly it’s normal to look at what they can give it for, who turns up and behaves despite the disruption and gives it a go anyway... doesn’t mean it’s a pity prize, means you have a well thought of well behaved son, it’s sad that you can’t see it from that point of view yourself. It’s also still useful to have on college applications and his CV that despite him struggling with some things he’s still managed to win awards. He sounds like a nice kid, help him see the positives. I think showing up and then leaving or sitting there begrudgingly because it’s textiles is quite damaging to be honest.

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 13/07/2019 10:25

DN2 has SEN, even in year 1 she was quite capable of telling which certificates she deserved and which weren’t really worth the paper they were written on.

TheInebriati · 13/07/2019 10:30

This thread is a perfect example of people who post just to have a go at OP. It involves deliberately misunderstanding and misrepresenting what OP said and takes some effort to be that much of a dick.

AppleKatie · 13/07/2019 10:33

If it is textiles he’s right in the sense that it won’t be an award for an achievement in textiles given the situation.

But it will mean that despite not having time to get to know the pupils and a chaotic department the latest teacher knows your DS. And not because he’s naughty or disruptive or a pain but because he’s got a positive outlook and is a valued presence in the classroom. That is so valuable.

Celebrate that!

Mrsjayy · 13/07/2019 10:42

Btw you don't need to go but because some awards are not academic doesn't mean they are a waste of time or effort.

HopelessLayout · 13/07/2019 10:44

You need to help him with his self esteem by telling him how great it is that he got a prize. Of all the children in the year, he was the best!

But he wasn't though, was he? And he knows it. Kids have built-in BS detectors and giving him a nonsense award simply devalues any real awards he might win in his lifetime.
Can you respectfully decline the award OP?

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 13/07/2019 10:45

Perhaps it’s a school that attempts to celebrate all kinds of achievement. We hear so often, complaints that the same children get Star of the Week awards, are always chosen for main parts in productions and that others don’t get a look in. Maybe this school tries to diversify the awards and hope that it motivates.

But if you or he don’t feel that it’s of value, then of course you’re within your rights to ignore it.

Greyponcho · 13/07/2019 10:47

What would be helpful for his GCSE years to to discourage the idea that not all the subjects he’s studying are important, that it’s “only textiles/geography/IT/whatever” and therefore doesn’t deserve the same attitude as the ones he enjoys. They’re all important even if he doesn’t wish to pursue them for a career, plus an opportunity to realise that there will always be things we have to do even if we don’t enjoy them.

Go, receive the award and ask his HoY for the exact reason why he received it - it will help increase his self awareness of how his actions are important and being noticed.

Schools don’t always give out awards based on someone being “top of the class” - it can be proportionate to their own personal achievement. The Kirsty Allsopps in your sons class might not have received the award despite being capable of knocking up 30 yards of bunting with matching chair covers and cushions in their first lesson, whereas someone who didn’t know one end of a needle from the other at the first lesson but who has made an effort through the year will get the award.

Labrodite · 13/07/2019 10:51

I understand what you mean OP, not sure why you’re getting a hard time. I’d be a bit embarrassed to receive an award when I didn’t understand why I’d earned it too! Feels patronising and like your actual achievements aren’t being recognised.

Alb1 · 13/07/2019 10:51

Also (sorry if it’s been suggested already) can you not phone the school and ask them which award it is? Either be honest or make up a story about how you have plans but if it’s in his favourite subject or whatever then you’d like to be able to come... could help you decide wether or not to go. I understand they don’t release the info before hand but if you ask it seems a bit daft of them to refuse to say

applepieicecream · 13/07/2019 10:55

I would think really carefully, there must be a reason why he keeps getting awards. He’s obviously having a really positive impact in school. My eldest is well behaved, popular, works hard, does well, the teachers like them, parents evenings are great and in 5 years has never ever won a thing. I wish they would recognise him! Your son sounds like despite his difficulties he’s doing really well so celebrate that.

campion · 13/07/2019 10:57

MrsGrammaticus your post sums up why I think school prizes and awards evenings have mostly had their day. Honestly,what are they really rewarding? Picking out children who are already talented/ exceptional/ motivated/ cleverer etc etc. As a teacher I've seen it many many times.

Reward effort and progress in school on a regular basis.

Op I get where you're coming from on the Textiles if the 'teaching' has been so disrupted.Certainly ask if it is for Textiles beforehand,then you can make your point if you want. I guess the protocol is to go along, be polite and tell DS he's obviously got the charm he needs to succeed in life!

MitziK · 13/07/2019 10:58

It's a bit harsh describing him as an easy target. Having SEN but still behaving, still trying and being a pleasure to have in classes (as like it or not, SEN often means students are more challenging in terms of behaviour) makes him a great candidate for awards.

It could well be that out of all the textiles teachers, each one has noted that one kid who was well behaved, did well and could go on to get a good result were they to take it at GCSE. Music Tech requires written skills in Year 10/11 to get a pass (and now a formal exam), Art in itself might have kids who are better at other aspects, such as painting or drawing - but he could be genuinely good at Textiles, just not realising it.

Would you both be dismissive if he were nominated for an award for Footballer of the Year, for example? That doesn't require written skills or even an ability to behave in lessons, just ability to kick a ball around with 21 other kids on a field, but there aren't many kids who would turn their noses up at it.

Maybe if you were to have a look at his Textiles work, you'd see (and be able to tell him) that it is actually very good?

Flip

1 2 3 4