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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Telling my FIL to fuck off...

150 replies

FurCoatNoSnickers · 12/07/2019 22:55

Long story short

FIL (and MIL) have a history of being controlling, rude (not just to me) He has a string of failed businesses and was declared bankrupt a few years ago.

When I opened my post today I’m intrigued by one from a bank with addresses to
“N Snickers”

On opening I can see that an account has been made with money deposited into it.

After a bit of detective work- turns out FIL has used my address to get a bank account.

I phoned him earlier for a mouthful of abuse - firstly him chastising me for opening his mail (we have the same first initial) so I was opening way a thought was addresses to me

He told me to mind my own business and that I was making a mountain out of a molehill

I told him he was committing fraud at which point he hung up on me.

How can I get the details changed? If I report him will be get into trouble

Also how the hell can he have used my address without a utility bill?

OP posts:

yyz112 · 14/07/2019 17:23

He has broken the law, report him.

Fuckedoffat48b · 14/07/2019 17:38

If he is linked to your address it will fuck up your credit rating.

Sexnotgender · 14/07/2019 17:38

If he is linked to your address it will fuck up your credit rating.

That’s not true.

Rtruth · 14/07/2019 17:43

Send it back to return address with note saying this person doesnt Live here.

IABUQueen · 14/07/2019 17:50

Isn’t it your DH you should be talking to? He lives in that house too ? Or is your address owned by you?

I believe your DH should be the one talking to his father. And if he is comfortable with his father using his address then it will only make you look like a trouble maker putting rules down on his parents.

I think you need to convince DH that it’s not a good idea.

Sweetpea55 · 14/07/2019 18:02

It's obvious what you need to do and I'm suprised that you needed to ask.
Your DH is a dick thinking there's nothing wrong in this

ShowMeTheKittens · 14/07/2019 18:08

Just go in the bank and report it.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/07/2019 18:11

Good to know you have a good fuck off fund. Your dh is telling you how he will act if you ever separate.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/07/2019 18:13

@sweeneytoddsrazor
I also am perplexed by that comment and the others on the list.

flowergrrl77 · 14/07/2019 18:26

Hi, is this in the UK? If FIL holds a uk passport, for many banks, no proof of address would even have been asked for.

But a later review probably would have flagged the issue and it would likely have been ‘closed down’ by the bank. Hard to be sure though as your initial is the same... it might have just passed the online checks anyways...

LillithsFamiliar · 14/07/2019 18:31

He didn't do anything to you. He used your home as a mailing address and it seems highly likely your DH told him that he could.
I understand why you're annoyed but it would be better to dial back the outrage and actually find out the facts. Is it a personal account or a business one? Did your DH say he could? I know he denied it initially but that may be because he didn't want to tell you about FIL leaving MIL.
As is so often said on here, you have a DH problem not just a FIL one.

Toooldfornonsense · 14/07/2019 18:40

Just wondering how many years ago your FIL was declared bankrupt? Could he also be using the account to hide funds his official receiver should be recovering?

Wally1983 · 14/07/2019 19:54

Report to the bank the letter came from!! My husbands ex wife’s boyfriend at the time (he’s now an ex husband to her) opened accounts to my brother in laws address (which neither of them had lived at) while my husband lived with his brother 🤨. It was reported to the fraud dept and they dealt with it from there! Though my husband did take great delight in going to their house and telling them he knew they’d opened accounts to the address he lived at and it was now my the hands of the fraud dept 😂

FelicisNox · 14/07/2019 20:39

YANBU and hubby needs to get with the program... it might be normal in his family but it is NOT normal or decent.

I would ban FIL from your house and check your credit history asap to check there's nothing else on there.

Contact the bank and give them FIL address, any fallout is his problem and if you recieve any more post just write his address on the front and put it back in the post box.

My husbands ex wife tried to take out credit cards in my name so I rang the companies and Experian and reported her for fraud.

Stay vigilant and check your report regularly going forward and tell FIL if he pulls any more stunts like this you will report him to the police for fraudulent action.

Catsinthecupboard · 14/07/2019 21:04

OP.

If you come back, please double check your credit, etc.

It's suspicious that the envelope only had a first initial....your first initial.

Pumpkinbell · 14/07/2019 21:13

YANBU report it my estranged brother used my address for things WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE and we ended up with Bailiff letters and we were the ones who had to prove he didn’t live her not him having to prove he did!!!! Nip it in the arse NOW!!!!

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 14/07/2019 22:13

I'm highly suspicious of the escape fund story. Don't believe it. No, they know what you're worried about (fraud, serious) so they offer you a more palatable domestic alternative, or least one that's easier to swallow.

I'd want more than that. I'd be looking for proof that the bank know. Because if that's not true their whole explanation disintegrates. There must be some cotabout it. Can FIL show it to you perhaps?

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 14/07/2019 22:14

Should say:

There must be some correspondence about it. Can FIL show it to you perhaps?

CorBlimeyGovenor · 14/07/2019 22:35

@tararabumdeay

Completely off topic, I know.... But fab name. My grandpa used to sing that song to me as a little girl. I'd forgotten all about it!!

DaftHannah · 14/07/2019 23:20

BIL took out a loan in another BILs name a good few years ago when having financial difficulties after breakdown of a long marriage. When it was discovered he disappeared with new wife, probably abroad and has not been heard of since.

BIL had been round ours nosing about and had suggested that DH should go out for drinks and he would babysit as I was on night duty at the time. We had a bad credit rating at this time due to DH self employed status and business folding. All of the utilities were in my name because of this, otherwise I think BIL would have done the same thing to DH.

Be very careful!

TigerTooth · 15/07/2019 09:06

Op your DH doesn’t ‘think’ he may have given a key - he would know. I think the truth is that your DH was complicit in this and gave your FIL a utility bill.

MzHz · 15/07/2019 10:46

How can anyone say that they “don’t think they have someone a key”?

You’d know one way or another right?

Your h is lying op. Not sure exactly about what, but he’s lying.

Have you had any more information from the bank?

shadypines · 15/07/2019 19:37

Report him, doesn't matter whether it FIL or Mickey Mouse, it's fraud.
He wasn't too worried about getting you into bother was he?
What a complete CF.

Nicolastuffedone · 15/07/2019 19:39

I think your husband is in on this

Playmytune · 15/07/2019 21:33

@FurCoatNoSnickers Really pleased you’ve got your ”Fuck Off Fund”
Please look after yourself and do not let the these evil CF’s bring you down to their level.
However I think you are more clued up and stronger than this family (unfortunately I’m including your dh in that) to allow them to get the better of you!
You remind me of me... and I’ve got my *”Fuck Off Fund” too.

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