Telling my FIL to fuck off...

[FurCoatNoSnickers]

Long story short

FIL (and MIL) have a history of being controlling, rude (not just to me) He has a string of failed businesses and was declared bankrupt a few years ago.

When I opened my post today I’m intrigued by one from a bank with addresses to
“N Snickers”

On opening I can see that an account has been made with money deposited into it.

After a bit of detective work- turns out FIL has used my address to get a bank account.

I phoned him earlier for a mouthful of abuse - firstly him chastising me for opening his mail (we have the same first initial) so I was opening way a thought was addresses to me

He told me to mind my own business and that I was making a mountain out of a molehill

I told him he was committing fraud at which point he hung up on me.

How can I get the details changed? If I report him will be get into trouble

Also how the hell can he have used my address without a utility bill?

@Shelby2010

Rate tarting :)

I have my main account with N'wide. I use Monzo for holidays due to good exchange rates, TSB had 5% on £1,500 so I keep that in there (it's just dropped to 3%), I work for another bank (only joined under a year ago) and they insist I have their account for my wages.

NatWest had an offer late last year of £150 to open an account, so I did. HSBC had the same offer early this year so I opened that and closed the NatWest one. HSBC have a 3% regular saver which I use. N'wide also have one I use.
First Direct I have for their regular saver. I do three reg savers per month, all ending different times of the year.

M&S gave £100 voucher to open an account a couple of years ago so I did that, they also have a reg saver I'm not currently using but will start soon.

I opened a Virgin pension as you had to pay in £50pm for nine months then got a £50 bonus, closed it as soon as the bonus appeared and transferred out.

I also open them for the loyalty bonus you get with friends.

The accounts all have different conditions so you do need to be on top of that but I gain hundreds of pounds a year by keeping on top of this kind of thing.

@VanGoghsDog sounds like you should set up your own Moneysaver site!

Our very own

Martine Lewis

Search for your postcode here:

beta.companieshouse.gov.uk/

to see if he's registered a company to your address

“That could definitely damage your credit further down the line if what you say is true.”

No it couldn’t

I’m confused why people keep saying this wouldn’t affect her. OH tried to get a loan a few years back. There was a defaulted loan from someone who had used his address. The name wasn’t even similar to his but he wasn’t able to get a loan. It took months to sort out and we had to ask all the credit agencies for a deed of separation.

Isn't it the case that if you're an undischarged bankrupt you usually can't get a current account?

I expect that's what he's up to, just getting a bank account when he shouldn't. Which does beg the question - Where's the money in it come from? And shouldn't he be paying it to whoever he owes money to?

So he has an account now that presumably he thinks/hopes won't be traceable as his by the bancruptcy courts.

I'd imagine the issue for op is if it's discovered and then it's believed she was complicit in him avoiding his debts.

🙄
I learn that FIL is trying to leave MIL and he’s doing it secretly - not going to be very secret when he fucks off.

The bank knows

He knows the bank knows - he can hide his own cash I’m not being dragged into his/their nonsense

There are 2 other people (including his children) he could have done this to but no he chooses me

Forgive me - on the one hand I’m horrified but I am only human and cannot help but think karma is about to bite them all ass-wise.

Signing off but many thanks for your help- when you’ve been involved with this family
You absolutely start to feel the effects of some pretty masterful gaslighting - little wonder there’s so much dysfunction.

Advise the bank exactly what happened. It would be dangerous to you to soft soap it.

They will black list your father for life and may inhibit his ability to open accounts with other banks. He is a fraudster.

Glad you got it sorted OP and didn't let it drag on. Well done. That can't have been easy considering you are married to his son. You should probably put his other kids on notice in case. Mind you I think you were chosen as you had the same initial as him so it made it easier.

Dear God report the silly bastard. Please

So are the bank removing your address from his account?

Ha! Maybe he was planning on leaving MIL and moving in with you....!

FurCoatNoSnickers I understand why you are angry but FIL has done nothing to you and may not have committed fraud or anything else.
It is perfectly legal to open an account and have a second mailing address on it, just having initials on envelopes, cards etc is perfectly acceptable.
His bankruptcy is likely now discharged.

FIL it now appears is 'getting his ducks in a row' as is often recommended on MN to women planning on leaving their partners. Getting important documents to a safe place and having an escape fund is often recommended on MN.

What you now know is your DH knew all along and has given his DF permission to hide money from his own DM. You now also know that the ILs would help DH do the same, that must be a very painful.
DH has also admitted that FIL likely has a key.

You have every right to be angry and feel very let down by DH and FIL but there is very little you can do if DH is happy for FIL to have letters sent to your address. You could of course make sure MIL knows, either now or in the future.

Sadly your problems run a lot deeper than a rude FIL.

All the best OP.

What you now know is your DH knew all along and has given his DF permission to hide money from his own DM. You now also know that the ILs would help DH do the same, that must be a very painful.

This, in spades. I'm sorry OP, this must be painful. However, at least forewarned can be forearmed.

Energy suppliers were changed and they’re now online - that was a few months ago
Your DH is playing you.
He may not have given FIL an actual bill......just the log-in details for your online account.
FIL could have downloaded a copy of a bill from there.

You can't fully trust your DH either.
These types of people look after themselves first - always.
I bet your DH will use his family to shaft you too - or is probably already doing it and you don't know.

My family is like this.
They helped my brother hide thousands from his wife - who he's upped and left with 5 kids (including his child from his first marriage).
He doesn't pay maintenance and the family only offer to help her if she kowtows to their unreasonable and controlling demands.
She's really ill with only half a working kidney and doesn't drive so has to take taxi's everywhere - and yet they still accuse her of being a gold-digger and treat her like shit.

If she's listened to me 12 years ago she would still probably only have half a working kidney but at least 90% of the stress and powerlessness she feels now wouldn't be there.

Saving spaces just to correct you it was me who changed the suppliers and they’re in just my name and only I have the login. In fact 90% of the admin for our household is done by me- he only controls his work stuff (which I file so have access to everything) I also work from home so would have mail before everyone else.

And when things got tougher being a part of this family I too got my ducks in a row- I have a good “fuck off fund” I acquired none of it fraudulently.

This man and his wife has been vile to me over the span of 15 years and I have nothing but contempt for them. Listing all of they hideous misdeeds would be very identifying so I don’t intend on risking that to justify myself of here.

I think Dh has been an idiot (I agree with PP who said he’s controlled by his parents) to a degree I think he’s played by both of them but I’m looking out for my best interests and the interests of my immediate family

Am I the only one wondering what a white supremacist has to do with anything?

Presumably you have still gone to the bank?

If he wants a f*ck off find it will just need to be cash.

Tell then the error is that is should be 'Ms'. Request a new card. Clear the account. Close the account. Tell him to fuck right off.

Report to bank & advise no one from your address has opened the account, maybe contact police too if you're worried as
Who knows what else he has linked your address to that could come back on you and your family. Plus you wouldn't want bailiffs turning up if he's been bankrupt before. This is illegal it needs to be stopped. Report it

Wouldn't surprise me if it's all a lie anyway

@sweenytoddsrazor

I haven’t checked, but am assuming you’ll find it with an AS on the OP

www.moneysavingexpert.com/credit-cards/identity-fraud/#protect