Telling my FIL to fuck off...

[FurCoatNoSnickers]

Long story short

FIL (and MIL) have a history of being controlling, rude (not just to me) He has a string of failed businesses and was declared bankrupt a few years ago.

When I opened my post today I’m intrigued by one from a bank with addresses to
“N Snickers”

On opening I can see that an account has been made with money deposited into it.

After a bit of detective work- turns out FIL has used my address to get a bank account.

I phoned him earlier for a mouthful of abuse - firstly him chastising me for opening his mail (we have the same first initial) so I was opening way a thought was addresses to me

He told me to mind my own business and that I was making a mountain out of a molehill

I told him he was committing fraud at which point he hung up on me.

How can I get the details changed? If I report him will be get into trouble

Also how the hell can he have used my address without a utility bill?

Absolutely appalling behaviour. How can you bear having married into such a family, especially with your DH's comments?

It might take so long to resolve too. I have a former lodger who took out credit agreements using my address after he had moved out, and years later, despite writing to the creditors repeatedly, his mail from them still arrives at my address.

@cstaff the OP has already said she and the FIIL share an initial. That will not impact on your personal credit score. I really wish people would stop peddling urban myths. Credit scores are individual, not by family name or address or vague relationships

He hasn’t taken them out in MY name - Imagine a Nichola Snickers who receives a bank statement addresses to N Snickers then opens it and the name inside is Nigel Snickers.

Mind your own business??? He really thinks that this is not your business? That’s jaw droppingly outrageous.

What he is doing is fraud by making false representations and I believe that he could potentially get into an awful lot of trouble for it. Whether they’ll get the police involved or not is another matter. But he obviously doesn’t care that you’re likely to be fending off bailiffs at some point in the future.

In your position I’d phone the bank, tell them you opened it because you believed it was addressed to you, but that there is no Nigel Snickers living at your house. You are the only N Snickers and you don’t bank with them. They’ll probably pass it to their fraud department and then let him explain to the bank why he’s lied to them to get an account.

Has he got access to any spare keys? Change the locks sharpish.

Call the bank, explain everything. Do it as soon as possible.

Your DH is being as reprehensible as his dishonest arsehole of a father.

@MyOpinionIsValid

My point was that he could have used a bill with her initial only on it to give proof of address together with his own passport as ID.

history of being controlling
rude
string of failed businesses
declared bankrupt
used my address to get a bank account

All of the above copied from your OP.

Add to that:
Done time for attempted murder
Smashed up homes for late rent
Ripped us off for tens of thousands with no compunction
Lied for crack dealers
Racist
White supremacists but proud third generation immigrants who stick together.

Sometimes you just can't win.

@tararabumdeay
Where did that second list come from? Can't see anything the OP has posted indicating those.
(If that has been your personal experience then I'm very sorry and hope things are better now)

OP you must report this to the lender immediately. Debt collectors don't give a shit if you're name is Nicola or Nigel - if he defaults then you could potentially have a huge load of hassle in proving it's not you who took the agreement out.

Has he visited your house? I would suspect he took a utility bill, but if he's never visited then unfortunately I'd suspect your DH gave one to him

FFS, report him. Why would anyone even think twice about this? Fraud. He's full of shit. Wouldn't say anything to him, just report him. Tell him to go and fuck himself and find someone else to try to use when he finds out.

I’d send the mail back to the bank, and say “not known at this address”
He can deal with it himself, and you’re not having to report him officially

@tararabumdeay what do you mean?

Even if you go with DH's idea that this is just what his family does and is normal (which I am highly sceptical of anyway!) Then why didn't FIL tell you about it first? If it's no big deal then surely he'd mention he was going to do this and ask you to send the letters on to him. Why has he kept it secret? Why did he fly off the handle when you found out?

That's a HUGE red flag. He is up to something shady. Absolutely contact the bank and tell them what's happened. Please don't let this continue for even one more day. You need to protect yourself.

Sounds like a family involved in criminal activity and your husband could be involved.

My daughter split up from her ex when their baby was a few weeks old as she found out he was cheating on her even during the pregnancy. They lived with us then he moved back to Stoke. I got a letter addressed to him today and asked my daughter why after 7 years I was getting his post. Turns out he was due a council tax refund for a property in Stoke and gave them my address to send it to. Of course he denies all knowledge, but they must have got my address from him. He's done it in the past too, when he was trying to get car insurance etc. My point is that we get council tax relief for hubby who is disabled and I don't want anyone thinking he lives here and we haven't informed the Council, so I would definitely report it. Ring the bank and tell them what's happened asap. What else has he done you don't know about!

Dear God, act NOW.
In 1988 I moved out of my parents and rented a flat. Over the next 2 months I was bombarded with official letters for a previous occupier, all of which I sent back with the usual not known at address or gone away etc.
After 2 - 3 months I got worried and luckily started opening the post and keeping score of what was going on. The previous tenant had some 12 defaulted Bank accounts, store cards or credit agreements owing a total of approx £34K. Yes I said £34,000 in 1988.
It took me dozens of letters, phone calls and the production of a letter from the landlord to prove I was not the debtor and get rid of the debt chasers. In the case of one company who were owed £1,400 I actually had to threaten legal action and reported them to the financial regulator before they left me alone.
When I asked how citizens advice how the person had obtained all this money I was told it was simple with proof of address and a bank account.
Therefore I urge and beg you to
1 - Kill off the bank account and any connection to your address. And whilst in the process demand to know what proof address they were supplied as FIL has never resided. This is not a mistake, you are the victim of attempted fraud, do not lie and do not be subtle, or you could be in the shit. They will refuse this under data protection. However you must demand details of their data protection people and who they are registered with for data protection. You are the victim of a potential fraud. Your partner, twat though he is being, clearly has not given permission for the address to be used. If the bank will not cooperate threaten them with publicity and the police. Be strong and ruthless and protect yourself and your family.
2 - Check with the local authority that he has not added himself to voters register. This is the simplest form of official ID yet it can be set up on the strength of a phone call. If he is shown remove him.
3 - Check your credit with agencies. Do not settle for reassurances that you simply cannot be tarnished. Be certain and be safe. If you saw someone outside your house with a knife you would call the police to protect your family. Potentially you are playing for equally large stakes with your financial future.

If you do not protect yourself this bastard could truly drop you in the shit with mortgage, credit agencies and baliffs etc. This is not the time to be nice. This man clearly isn't. It's your future.
Finally if the family object, go green and hulk like on them. You are not going to allow yourself to be trampled on. If it helps ask what would Grumpunleashed say to family in this case. A salesman who would not leave me alone once said I was the rudest person ever spoken to. My answer was to call them young and really cut loose.

Sorry, bit of a hobby horse, I fucking despise thieves and fraudsters.

Chilliancho

The only thing that made
Me hesitate was if I report him directly I was worried he’d get into serious trouble and my DH would see this as betrayal- which of course he should see his father as having committed - this family aren’t like that

It’s tiring to fight for 20 years to break away and be NORMAL. Spoke to Dh before bed as they don’t have a key so couldn’t have possibly come into the house only to be told Dh “thinks” he may have given his dad a key for emergencies- “thinks”

Lock is being replaced today as soon as I can get it organised- in our old house we had a lock that you couldn’t get a spare key cut for )you needed a digital code)

I’ll ask for that again.

Idiots

Why did he feel the need to open an account using your address and not his own?

Either he came in and stole a bill which had your initial and name for proof of address or your DH gave him one.

Either way the problem is bigger than just your FIL using your address!

Okbobble

Dh knows I am seething about this. A few years ago he tried to get insurance using our home address I hit the roof FIL- I wanted to see if it were cheaper using your address.

??!!!!
🤦‍♀️

Such an idiot. MIL isn’t much better but she has calmed down when I went no contact for 4 years

Someone tried to so this to a mate so they sent the letter back saying no such person at this address so they would think it was an error. That way the person wasn’t in trouble and my friend didn’t get mixed up in any BS. She didn’t let that person back into her home again though.

If your DH really thinks this is fine, he needs some serious financial education. He should also check that his father hasn't been using his details for anything similar.

Did you contact the bank yesterday, OP? What did they say? If you phoned them, you need to follow it up in writing.

I would act now and contact the bank. Although people say they cant use initial to mix up details. I have friends who are twins and okay had same DOB but somehow Experian and the credit mixed up their information despite having different initials. One had debts and the other didnt but they put the debts onto the wrong twin who was then having trouble getting mortgage sorted out.

Why did he feel the need to open an account using your address and not his own?

Presumably because of the bankruptcy and a dire credit history.

Unfinishedkitchen- my In Laws are not allowed in my home either that was after a huge row where they put the health and safety of my child at risk

This is exactly the sort of thing Fil and his gf would do. Banks here though won’t accept utility bills with just initials on them. Has to be a full first name.

I wonder if I can ask the bank what documents were used.

If I find it was one of my bills I will lose it