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AIBU?

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Original poster

Telling my FIL to fuck off...

150 replies

FurCoatNoSnickers · 12/07/2019 22:55

Long story short

FIL (and MIL) have a history of being controlling, rude (not just to me) He has a string of failed businesses and was declared bankrupt a few years ago.

When I opened my post today I’m intrigued by one from a bank with addresses to
“N Snickers”

On opening I can see that an account has been made with money deposited into it.

After a bit of detective work- turns out FIL has used my address to get a bank account.

I phoned him earlier for a mouthful of abuse - firstly him chastising me for opening his mail (we have the same first initial) so I was opening way a thought was addresses to me

He told me to mind my own business and that I was making a mountain out of a molehill

I told him he was committing fraud at which point he hung up on me.

How can I get the details changed? If I report him will be get into trouble

Also how the hell can he have used my address without a utility bill?

OP posts:
Satsuma1234 · 13/07/2019 09:29

I don’t work for a bank but a legal firm. For ID, it’s really hard to prove address now. We can take junk mail as long as it’s dated within 3 months and posted through your door.

Has he insured a car or the like at your address?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 13/07/2019 09:30

Apologise for wondering if there might be a further account in OP's DH's name - I wasn't thinking properly.

Namechange - no need to be snotty.

Hadthesnip - thank you for a courteous correction.

NameChange188 · 13/07/2019 09:35

@SchadenfreudePersonified I didn't mean to come across snotty, just that OP had already explained in more detail up thread, sorry that it came across that way.

MarthasGinYard · 13/07/2019 09:36

Op I used to work in a fraud department in a financial background.

Absolutely report it. Question the bank re the application process and then markers can be put in place. This will ensure any future applications for any financial services, anywhere are deferred until relevant checks can be made.

He is using your address useful with same initial etc and sounds like he has been getting away with it. A search on Equifax or similar will show searches made at your address and any accounts held there.

Original poster
FurCoatNoSnickers · 13/07/2019 09:39

In a panic I’ve just done a credit check
Came out 999/999 and excellent”

That’s a basic one so I think I’ll upgrade to get a full report.

OP posts:
MrsMozartMkII · 13/07/2019 09:40

I hope you get to the bottom of it all!

I've had identity theft, which I found out courtesy of a ClearScore alert, and in the past I took in an adult relative - wasn't too chuffed when the letters started arriving, a bailiff came to the door, and our water wasn't being billed as he / they had somehow managed to change it when he moved out.

Original poster
FurCoatNoSnickers · 13/07/2019 09:41

Council tax is in my full name

Energy suppliers were changed and they’re now online - that was a few months ago.

OP posts:
VanGoghsDog · 13/07/2019 09:43

I open new bank accounts all the time, at least three in the last year, and have never been asked for a utility bill.

Even banks I've never had any association with.

Monzo asked for a photo of me taken by the phone, time stamped and a photo of my passport but I don't recall them asking for a bill or proof of address. In fact, I don't think they even know my address.

I find it quite easy to open accounts.

Regardless of that, when I've had bank stuff for other people arrive at my house, I return to sender with a note saying "please pass to your fraud department, this person does not live here and never has". Stops pretty quickly.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 13/07/2019 09:47

Fair enough NameChange - it could well be me being oversensitive. I'm not in a particularly good place at the moment. Sorry if I have been prickly.

Witchend · 13/07/2019 09:48

If he's at all savvy with a computer, then faking a utility bill good enough for the bank to pass would be pretty easy.

LakieLady · 13/07/2019 09:48

Absolutely report it.

I'm amazed he managed to do this. ID controls are so strict now that I find it hard to believe he managed this without something official with a name AND address on it.

I assume he's now discharged from the bankruptcy. If not, he could be trying to conceal money from the Receivers, which is really dodgy.

VanGoghsDog · 13/07/2019 09:48

You would have known, every bank except Monzo (for which I literally have zero paperwork) sends an opening pack to the address on the account.

Are you sure it's not an existing account and he's changed the address on it? Not saying that's OK but could explain not having to prove the address - some banks are easier than others to change address. Nationwide I did online, First Direct by phone, but TSB made me go in with ID etc. I can't recall what they all did but I know TSB, HSBC and M&S were the most difficult.

rainbowstardrops · 13/07/2019 09:52

If the family all have such muddled finances and take things out in each other's names etc then I'd be thinking that DH gave him a utility bill or something. Especially as he wasn't fussed when you first told him.

Yellowweatherwarning · 13/07/2019 09:53

Bank have a fraud dept but they won't tell you anything. You can tell them details but they just listen basically!! My exh had opened accounts iny dc's names and stashed cash there. Was taken very seriously but they wouldn't /couldn't discuss it as such. I just gave info. Never heard the outcome.

MockingJay27 · 13/07/2019 09:56

That’s shocking, definitely report it to the bank and they will have it closed.

Don’t worry about your credit, credit files haven’t been linked to addresses for quite some time, they are linked through financial association so as long as you don’t have any joint financial commitments such as current accounts or loans you cannot be affected.

It should not have been opened by the bank, however if he has the same surname as you the banks system may have picked him up on the electoral roll as living at that address, as electoral roll searches are just based on name, in which case they would have only asked him for photo ID not address proof.

I work in a bank, don’t hate me lol

He’s way to old to be so irresponsible

Grumpyunleashed · 13/07/2019 10:09

Snickers
After my early morning rant I am now a spot more rational.
I stand by everything I said but now think there is a simple way to get an account with an initial (no forename) at your address. Perhaps he has opened an account lawfully at his address and then simply changed address (does not need proofs to achieve) and then asked the bank to address all correspondence to N Snickers. He then has official paperwork for N Nickers at the Chocolate Factory etc.
Even IF this very charitable interpretation of the facts is correct then the question is why. For what possible lawful reason could he want or need to do this. He must be planning to either represent himself as you on paper to obtain something or trying to hide assets he already has that could be in breach of his previously mentioned bankruptcy.
To my mind there is simply no good interpretation to his actions. Particularly in view of your account of his behaviour when you challenged him.
Finally, consider, if his activity is criminal and I think it is, and if the police link him to your address in the process of an investigation they will go through your financial life with a red hot poker. Financial institutions and credit agencies will know about it and will be aware if you do not act.

This is a horrible situation but you must protect yourself. Good luck.

ichifanny · 13/07/2019 10:09

I really wish people would stop trotting out the ‘ it Will damage your credit rating’ scaremongering . What your father in law has done is awful and I’d report him to the bank or tell him to take your address off the account but I’m fed up with reading the fallacy that a previous owners debt can be attributed to you or someone at the same address ruins your rating , it’s an individual score .

Sexnotgender · 13/07/2019 10:20

Your credit score is meaningless. It’s your credit history that financial institutions look at.
I have worked in fraud for a big bank, if you want to know anything let me know.

eggsandwich · 13/07/2019 10:29

I would be raging!

This is totally unacceptable and the fact that the man has the audacity to do it and not even ask you shows what a pig of a man he is.

He knew if he asked you that you would say no. What he has done amounts to fraud so I would be ringing the bank and put them straight.

And I would also reiterate to your dh that this is not on and you expect him to back you up.

serenoa · 13/07/2019 10:35

OP, if your utility/Council Tax bills are online, can you go paperless? It's a bit of a pain to have to go online to look at your latest bill, but you'll get an email when each bill is issued, with a link to go directly to the online bill.

For this to give you security you need a secure computer account that only you know the log in password for. This could be a separate 'user' account on your computer, not an admin account. Speaking as a Mac user here, I don't know if you can easily do the same on other OSs.

You'd need a separate email alias, or maybe a separate email account entirely which doesn't appear on your regular computer account. Do both of you use the same computer account? This would be a major insecurity if you're worried about your DH being involved in any way. He'd simply be able to look at and print any bills by clicking the email link, or going to the supplier's web page if he knows your login details, or if they're saved in your browser.

Simplifying internet access by saving security details can pose serious problems in situations where you're suspicious about someone else. I'm no expert, I've just had to protect myself against a persistently snoopy now ex-DH who tried to wreck my business.

dontdoxmeeither · 13/07/2019 10:37

I'd be furious too. Hope you get to the bottom of how this was set up

HollowTalk · 13/07/2019 10:40

Do a credit check on your husband while you're at it, OP.

DartmoorDoughnut · 13/07/2019 10:47

Hope it gets sorted quickly & easily and this was your FIL’s first attempt at dragging you two into his family’s financial web so you can nip all this in the bud

Shelby2010 · 13/07/2019 10:57

VanGoghsDog out of curiosity, can I ask why you do you open so many bank accounts?

Shelby2010 · 13/07/2019 11:03

OP, I think you should definitely take on Grumpys point that this was done as a preliminary step so FIL had an official bank statement to use as proof of address for something else. If you give the statement back to him, make sure you cross through the address and write ‘incorrect address’ or something first.