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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shopping with a toddler and baby

81 replies

Sugartits2012 · 12/07/2019 17:47

I have a 7 month old who hates being in the pushchair and a hyperactive three year old, so I absolutely detest going shopping with them. My DH wants to go shopping to buy new clothes for himself, he wants us to come along but not in the actual shops. He expects me to entertain them outside the shops for ages whilst he browses alone.

I explained that it is better for everyone if he goes shopping alone, and I stay home with the kids. He’s now in a strop stating I can’t cope with two kids in public and I’m ruining “family time”.

Am I being difficult? I just think it’s better to keep the children at home whilst he shops in peace. Rather then running after a toddler in a busy shopping centre and a crying baby.

OP posts:
NoSauce · 12/07/2019 17:49

Family time is going to the beach with a picnic or a walk in the park, not traipsing round the shops with two small kids while your husband tries on clothes. He’s being ridiculous.

CmdrCressidaDuck · 12/07/2019 17:52

He's being a fucking dick and can fuck right off with that shit. He can manage two kids in public if he wants shopping for clothes to be "family time".

Pipandmum · 12/07/2019 17:52

Get a babysitter? Don’t see how you sweltering outside with cranky kids while he takes his time in air conditioned shops constitutes family time! If he insists you go say there are few things you need so you expect similiar time browsing on your own.

herculepoirot2 · 12/07/2019 17:53

He’s being ridiculous.

Original poster
Sugartits2012 · 12/07/2019 17:54

Thanks everyone, that’s what I initially thought but he always I’m a crap mum and I start to believe it. Thanks

OP posts:
CmdrCressidaDuck · 12/07/2019 17:56

I don't think entertaining kids on shopping trips is your biggest problem. Your "D"H sounds like he's very not kind to you.

Tobebythesea · 12/07/2019 17:57

He is being utterly ridiculous. How the hell is that family time?! Sounds like hell for you and fun for him. F that!

Cornettoninja · 12/07/2019 17:59

Family time! That’s a stretch and a half!

I like the idea of going along and telling him you just need to pop into somewhere, taking your time then asking him how his special time was with them.

Practically though just don’t do it. If he wants family time you can all do an activity earlier in the day and he can bugger off and shop on his own later.

UpToonGirl · 12/07/2019 18:00

No, that doesn't sound fun. Either get a babysitter or get him to do a big online order and he can try on at home.

Or, the obvious solution, he nips to town for an hour or so by himself and you go out later somewhere nice for 'family time' together.

DonnaDarko · 12/07/2019 18:02

That's not my idea of family time. He's a moron.

I don't understand, under what circumstances, how anyone would find that fun!

hormonesorDHbeingadick · 12/07/2019 18:04

Sounds like a perfect time for Daddy and kids and you stay at home!

No you are being a good Mum by saying this is not good for him. He does sound like a nice person.

Bugsymalonemumof2 · 12/07/2019 18:05

I would suggest to him he takes the children with him for daddy bonding time whilst you enjoy the peace and quiet.

Cornettoninja · 12/07/2019 18:05

he always I’m a crap mum

Bollocks to that. Someone who thinks clothes shopping is a good day out for two under fours is not someone whose opinion you should value.

coffeeforone · 12/07/2019 18:10

I would go but make sure you get equal independent browsing time and see how much fun he finds waiting around entertaining toddler and pacifying baby while you take your time browsing

inthehammock · 12/07/2019 18:14

He tells you you're a shit mum? For me that would be unforgivable. I couldn't even like, let alone live with someone, who treated me that way.

Family time. Seriously. What an arrogant tool. What fun for the family HmmMy children are a little bit older than yours, same age gap. We only go to the shops the four of us when it is totally unavoidable. If I want to actually achieve something, then I never, ever go with the children and I'd be very happy if DH offered to do something else with them so I could go to the shops alone.

If I was to have a wild stab in the dark, I'm guessing your DH doesn't do much solo parenting, doing things like taking both children out on his own for any period of time (30 minute trips to the park do not count)?

And don't ever let someone put down your parenting (unless you're actually doing something to jeopardise your children). Especially not the person who is supposed to have your back and be on your side. How does his parenting stand up to scrutiny?

itsaseaturtles · 12/07/2019 18:16

Fuck that. I think you've got to be batshit to take a baby and a toddler to a shopping centre when you have the option not to. Fair enough if no other choice but my god, I'd be taking that as an opportunity to go by myself, taking time to unwind!

TheBabyAteMyBrain · 12/07/2019 18:19

Ha ha ha fuck off is shopping family time. It's hell. I have a 6 month old buggy hater and a 2 year old whirlwind. We live by the moto of divide and conquer.

Tell him to buy online and go somewhere actually aimed at kids for family time.

TheBabyAteMyBrain · 12/07/2019 18:22

Should have rtft, he's says you're a crap mum? What an awful thing to say! How does he try to justify that comment. He sounds absolutely awful Sad

Aprillygirl · 12/07/2019 18:28

How odd that he wants you to go with him, but not for the reason to advise him on what clothes to buy. What is the point of it if not that? Have you asked him?

CmdrCressidaDuck · 12/07/2019 18:37

I suspect the point of it is to have his lordly enjoyment increased by being able to belittle and criticise OP for "not being able to manage the children".

ems137 · 12/07/2019 18:39

What the fuck does he want you to go with him for? If he's that bothered about missing his "family" shopping trip then he can take the kids alone and see how fun it is.

Zebrasinpyjamas · 12/07/2019 18:39

I would suggest you swap roles so he can 'show you' how it's done. Make sure you take a book into the changing room do he has plenty of opportunities to really prove his parenting.

You are definitely not being unreasonable.

ooopsupsideyourhead · 12/07/2019 18:41

Is anyone else half expecting the OP to turn out to be the dad and he’s talking about the mum?!

Original poster
Sugartits2012 · 12/07/2019 18:53

Thanks for your replies, he’s very unkind to me about my parenting skills. I cut corners as sometimes I’m so exhausted I could cry, and he never helps. I would give our a three year old a quick shower instead of a bath sometimes, I use pasta jar sauces instead of making my own. Once a week I give my three year old a few hours on my iPad so I can clean the house. Yet if I didn’t clean the house he would moan too, he thinks I watch tv all day. He really has no idea what I go through with my kids, i have to pee with my baby in the bouncer next to me. I only shower at night once kids are both asleep.
He thinks anything we do on the weekend counts as family time, even if he needs to pop into the bank it’s family time.
Even now I’ve come to the kitchen to reply and he can’t handle two kids alone for five minutes. He said baby is crying and wants to eat his dinner in peace. I’m so used to scoffing my food down quickly because of the kids, he said it’s very unattractive that I eat my food so quickly.

Anyway thanks for all your replies :) you guys are so nice

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 12/07/2019 18:54

There's no way on earth I would do this. Yanbu. It's ridiculous.

Whilst I try to be 'each to their own' I find the 'we must do everything at all times together even if all/most of us are miserable' viewpoint absurd.

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