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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

... about daughter’s holiday clothes

396 replies

Dippypippy1980 · 12/07/2019 14:08

We got back from holidays a few days ago and I took my daughter to see her dad - not one of his days but she was very excited to tell him about the trip and show him some pictures (I did ring first😊).

His mum and sister were there, which was nice for my daughter. I had carefully selected photos which didn’t show my boyfriend - the snaps were either just of her or her with her cousins or my parents (I feature in very few holiday snaps!!). All went well - until granny announced that my daughter had some lovely holiday clothes, and her cousin would be able to use them on her holiday. She even pointed to several outfits saying won’t ‘polly’ look lovely in that!! Ex has a niece about six months older than my daughter.

Daughter gave me that panicked look, and I commented that I was sure she could borrow some of the swimming stuff (I am very careful about the sun so we had loads of rash vests) but that we would need the summer clothes for the summer. Granny laughed and said she was sure we could spare them for a couple of weeks and ‘children have to share’.

I am going to put together a small bundle - nothing daughter really loves and only a couple of dresses that she’s probably won’t wear at home. But I know they will think I am being mean. But really, they are her clothes (t-shirts, shorts, dresses, swim suits) for this summer. She has grown out of most of last years stuff and she can’t wear heavy winter clothes for two weeks? I should just ignore granny shouldn’t I??????

If it helps, due to a complicated back story, ex doesn’t pay child support and I buy all the clothes.

OP posts:
user1471449295 · 12/07/2019 16:57

What a cheeky mare. Please DO NOT lend any of your daughters clothes. You are bringing her up with no financial help from her dad. You’ve bought them for your daughter, and she needs them. Wow I’d have laughed in her face if it was me

EKGEMS · 12/07/2019 16:57

Maybe you can buy some self help books on assertiveness or read up on people pleasing personalities. You've gotta be able to stand firm in situations such as this shameless greedy nonsense. You are setting an example to your daughter and she needs to see you holding your ground setting boundaries

legalseagull · 12/07/2019 17:00

Don't bundle up anything. I'm sure her parents have got clothes for her! Does granny expect your DD to run around in her knickers for a fortnight. Just say "sorry but they're DDs only summer clothes so she wouldn't have enough to wear herself". So strange to expect that you would

ohcanada · 12/07/2019 17:03

I reassured daughter on the way home that she was keeping all her favourite outfits.

God your poor daughter! I can't believe anyone is such a doormat that they just open their child's wardrobe and start packing things up to give away! You don't even need to find older stuff if you don't want to - don't be bossed around by someone you barely have contact with.

I hope you stick firmly to your NO op!

KindergartenKop · 12/07/2019 17:03

Just say that the neice is welcome to them once DD has grown out of them!
6 months difference isn't enough to rely on hand me downs past the age of one!

Orangeballon · 12/07/2019 17:10

Don’t give a thing, they are your daughters clothes not grannies.

Signhereplease · 12/07/2019 17:11

Granny is a twat.

GemmeFatale · 12/07/2019 17:19

I’d be commenting that ex not even paying maintenance is obviously part of a wider family trait of meanness.

And get your claim in. Why the fuck should he get away without paying a penny for his child.

NewFoneWhoDis · 12/07/2019 17:23

"Polly is very welcome to borrow the clothes that DD’s dad has paid for."

Ooh, now that's a great answer Bursting Let granny put that in her pipe and smoke it.

Grin
Undies1990 · 12/07/2019 17:27

Nope, don't bundle up a thing. Bloody cheek - you've paid for those clothes and very unlikely to see them ever again if you lend them out.

Please just ignore the stupid rude request

sneakypinky · 12/07/2019 17:36

Wtf Ex GF wants you to stop swimming lessons?

Does anyone have a link?

Knittedfairies · 12/07/2019 17:41

Don't send anything; it sets a precedent.

Mix56 · 12/07/2019 17:43

It would be "Sorry can't afford to share, When DD's clothes no longer fit her I sell them, seeing as how your son does not contribute.
I'll let you know when she has outgrown them"

Sewrainbow · 12/07/2019 17:46

I wouldn't give her anything, your daughter is still using them! If only to stop c.f. behaviour don't give even the swimwear. It isn't your responsibility to clothe your ex's niece...

Bizarre comment by granny and yanbu to not give a thing at all...

Frankola · 12/07/2019 17:47

She wouldn't get a sausage from me!

Absolutely don't give her anything.

dottiedodah · 12/07/2019 17:47

Tell Granny you have an elderly"friend", in need of some comfy shoes ,nice cardis, flowery frocks and see what she says!".No Way "probably and this is what to say .Dont take any notice at all !

Bwekfusth · 12/07/2019 17:48

Fuck that. I don't share my clothes, why should a child?

pollypenguin01 · 12/07/2019 17:49

You’re not a bad mum at all, but please don’t give any clothes!
Your DD might not say it but honestly I think she will end up feeling second best and that her needs and wants are not worth anything to you or her family (I know that’s not true but our feelings are not always reasonable)
I also think it’s really important for you to take the decision away from her and strongly say that they are her clothes, end of discussion. You standing up and saying no teaches her it’s ok to sometimes have her wants met first. Also she is to young to have the decision put on her as either way she will feel like shit (she either loses her clothes or granny makes her feel selfish and UR)

You need to make a stand and preferably in front of DD make it clear that they are being wholly unreasonable and she will not be donating her very much needed belongings.

Onesailwait · 12/07/2019 17:57

WTF! Why would you give away her summer clothes if they still fit her? If they ask about it I would just laugh and say oh my God I thought you were joking of course I'm not going to give you DD's summer clothes

S1naidSucks · 12/07/2019 18:02

Tell her that you’re sorry you didn’t tell her at the time, but you’ve already promised the clothes to a lovely single mum you know, who is struggling because her ex refuses to pay maintenance.

Tobebythesea · 12/07/2019 18:02

Please, please don’t give Polly anything. CF Granny

MerryBerryCheesecake · 12/07/2019 18:26

Granny is a cheeky entitled fucker, isn't she.

Laying claim to clothes someone unrelated has purchased for their child, that's bloody outrageous.

I wouldn't even give the cheeky old cow one of your daughter's used tissues.

KingaRoo · 12/07/2019 18:40

I'm interested in what you are worried about happening when you don't hand over any clothes. What power do they have over you? Or perhaps more acurately, what power are you giving them over you (and your DD)?

youarenotkiddingme · 12/07/2019 18:41

Cabbage patch has it.

Any clothes her dad funded he has a right to choose what he does with them (including sharing between his family). Although I don't agree children should be made to do this.

But these are clothes you paid for. They are not for 'lending' to random nieces of someone you had a child with 7 years ago.

Granny is random Confused

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 12/07/2019 18:43

@DeRigueurMortis is right, @Dippypippy1980 - you mustn’t beat yourself up for how you handled this - you were completely blindsided by CheekyFuckerMIL! Tbh, I think that is the secret of CF success - blindside normal, polite people like you with outrageous requests, in the hope that you will be too shocked - and too polite - to just say “Fuck, no!”

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