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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

... about daughter’s holiday clothes

396 replies

Dippypippy1980 · 12/07/2019 14:08

We got back from holidays a few days ago and I took my daughter to see her dad - not one of his days but she was very excited to tell him about the trip and show him some pictures (I did ring first😊).

His mum and sister were there, which was nice for my daughter. I had carefully selected photos which didn’t show my boyfriend - the snaps were either just of her or her with her cousins or my parents (I feature in very few holiday snaps!!). All went well - until granny announced that my daughter had some lovely holiday clothes, and her cousin would be able to use them on her holiday. She even pointed to several outfits saying won’t ‘polly’ look lovely in that!! Ex has a niece about six months older than my daughter.

Daughter gave me that panicked look, and I commented that I was sure she could borrow some of the swimming stuff (I am very careful about the sun so we had loads of rash vests) but that we would need the summer clothes for the summer. Granny laughed and said she was sure we could spare them for a couple of weeks and ‘children have to share’.

I am going to put together a small bundle - nothing daughter really loves and only a couple of dresses that she’s probably won’t wear at home. But I know they will think I am being mean. But really, they are her clothes (t-shirts, shorts, dresses, swim suits) for this summer. She has grown out of most of last years stuff and she can’t wear heavy winter clothes for two weeks? I should just ignore granny shouldn’t I??????

If it helps, due to a complicated back story, ex doesn’t pay child support and I buy all the clothes.

OP posts:
flowery · 12/07/2019 18:53

Just ignore. If they chase you about it, just say “No, DD hasn’t grown out of them yet, but obviously we’ll think of Polly when we do our next clear-out of things DD no longer needs”

billybagpuss · 12/07/2019 18:56

Yes children do need to learn to share, they need to share their toys when they’re playing together, sometimes it’s nice to share sweets (but not special ones) but not your bloody summer wardrobe leaving you nothing to wear.

Granny is a silly muppet

theWarOnPeace · 12/07/2019 18:59

Hours after I first commented, I’m still somehow irrationally annoyed about this whole family of cheeky fuckers. How dare people be such cheeky bastards. Arggg 😱

Wonkybanana · 12/07/2019 19:01

Don't pack up anything. It only feeds their entitlement even if it's not the things they had their eye on, and you'll never hear the end of it.

Don't say you'll pas them on when DD's grown out of them, because as PPs testify, it means they'll be checking DD over and dropping hints for ever more.

Do ignore the CFs and show your DD that you have her back.

Rainbunny · 12/07/2019 19:07

Don't worry OP, you were put on the spot and did what you could to politely segway and you've made it clear to your DD that her clothes are not going to be taken away from her. I do agree with other PPs though that you shouldn't make a bundle of clothing. It would be opening the door to future requests IMO. I'd experience some deliberate amnesia about granny's comments and act very surprised if anyone raises such a ridiculous idea again Grin

I'm trying to imagine "granny" in the best light possible. She may be from a background in her family where clothes were shared between children. My DM was the 7th sibling in a family of 9 children and she rarely, if ever had a piece of clothing that wasn't first worn by another sibling. As a result my DM fully understood the importance of me and my siblings having our own clothes that were never to be claimed by someone else unless we had genuinely outgrown them.

Dippypippy1980 · 13/07/2019 13:14

Ex called at house this morning to collect our daughter and asked for the clothes for his sister. I explained they are daughters clothes for he summer and we won’t be lending them to his niece. I also explained it is quite expensive to buy new clothes every season and I will not leave daughter with no clothes to wear while polly is on holidays - it’s just ridiculous.

Developed into a row about how selfish and materialistic I am apparently. Luckily daughter was upstairs. He flounced off (probably to his mums) and I have explained to daughter he had an emergency and had to run off.

What a bloody child.

OP posts:
Sexnotgender · 13/07/2019 13:20

The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree I see!

MrsBertBibby · 13/07/2019 13:21

Oh my good god.

Please tell me you are making this shit up OP.

Fluffycloudland77 · 13/07/2019 13:21

The man who won’t pay maintenance calling you selfish 🤦🏻‍♀️

Prick.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 13/07/2019 13:22

Well he can think you selfish if he wants, because he hasn't got his own way - let him sulk. No one cares about Man Childs opinion. But materialistic?? Sounds like you weren't going go get the clothes back to me!!

Grumpelstilskin · 13/07/2019 13:23

Well done OP! So sad that your Ex is so selfish and lets down his daughter. It's kind of you to think of her feelings when explaining why he rushed off. She will realise what he is like herself sooner or later.

Topseyt · 13/07/2019 13:24

So your ex and his mother are two of a kind then. Like mother like son.

Stick to your guns. Don't let them walk all over you (or your DD).

He may well have gone crying to mummy. Let him, but don't let your DD go there with him now if you aren't going to be present. It won't be pleasant for her and they will bring pressure to bear. Just keep that in mind.

They sound like a family of arseholes.

Apolloanddaphne · 13/07/2019 13:25

What an idiot he is.

MrsBertBibby · 13/07/2019 13:27

Does your daughter ever go for sleepovers there? Because you wont be getting any clothes back from that if you send her with a change.

Poor girl what a shitty shitty dad he is.

flouncyfanny · 13/07/2019 13:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ladygracie · 13/07/2019 13:29

I haven’t finished reading the thread but was so outraged that I had to post immediately. DO NOT give them anything at all. Just no. They are your daughter’s clothes. I am literally speechless at the entitlement.

KatharinaRosalie · 13/07/2019 13:30

Dear Ex, feel free to lend to your sister allll the clothes that YOU have bought. Oh, there aren't any?

PreseaCombatir · 13/07/2019 13:31

How can you be the materialistic one, when they’re the ones demanding free clothes? Lol

Dippypippy1980 · 13/07/2019 13:31

‘But it was only for a couple of weeks’ 😂😂.

And they don’t actually leave until next week - so as some one had pointed out earlier it would have been for much longer than two weeks.

Blood is boiling. Anger finally for years of this crap. What the hell was I thinking getting involved with that idiot. I said a few things about him not putting his daughter first, and being cheap. Angry whispers incase daughter heard.

Taking her out - maybe hat new toy story movie - incase he arrives back. We all need to cool off.

OP posts:
Isatis · 13/07/2019 13:33

If your ex is that concerned about Polly, tell him to use some of the money he's saved on maintenance to buy clothes for her. After all, failing to do so would surely be materialistic and selfish, wouldn't it?

As for children needing to share, what precisely are Polly and her mother offering to share?

ladygracie · 13/07/2019 13:35

So sorry - I missed multiple messages and updates. Well done - you have been brilliant. The thing is, if they were lovely, normal people and they were very specific summer clothes that wouldn’t be worn here, and you knew 100% that you’d get them back, then maybe it might have been an option to lend them. But they’re not & you wouldn’t so it’s a no brainier! Have a lovely day & enjoy the film.

Topseyt · 13/07/2019 13:36

Make sure she doesn't go for any overnight stays with her Dad or her cheeky fucker Granny. She'll come back without half of her stuff if she does, and there probably won't be much you will be able to do to get it back.

I wouldn't trust any of them again.

georgialondon · 13/07/2019 13:37

Well done @Dippypippy1980 Smile

Jaxhog · 13/07/2019 13:41

Hold firm Dippypippy! It was an outrageous request.

Knackeredmommy · 13/07/2019 13:42

I am so relieved you didn't back down. What a pisstake! You finally said no to him and he's had a strop, oh well.