Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

... about daughter’s holiday clothes

396 replies

Dippypippy1980 · 12/07/2019 14:08

We got back from holidays a few days ago and I took my daughter to see her dad - not one of his days but she was very excited to tell him about the trip and show him some pictures (I did ring first😊).

His mum and sister were there, which was nice for my daughter. I had carefully selected photos which didn’t show my boyfriend - the snaps were either just of her or her with her cousins or my parents (I feature in very few holiday snaps!!). All went well - until granny announced that my daughter had some lovely holiday clothes, and her cousin would be able to use them on her holiday. She even pointed to several outfits saying won’t ‘polly’ look lovely in that!! Ex has a niece about six months older than my daughter.

Daughter gave me that panicked look, and I commented that I was sure she could borrow some of the swimming stuff (I am very careful about the sun so we had loads of rash vests) but that we would need the summer clothes for the summer. Granny laughed and said she was sure we could spare them for a couple of weeks and ‘children have to share’.

I am going to put together a small bundle - nothing daughter really loves and only a couple of dresses that she’s probably won’t wear at home. But I know they will think I am being mean. But really, they are her clothes (t-shirts, shorts, dresses, swim suits) for this summer. She has grown out of most of last years stuff and she can’t wear heavy winter clothes for two weeks? I should just ignore granny shouldn’t I??????

If it helps, due to a complicated back story, ex doesn’t pay child support and I buy all the clothes.

OP posts:
KurriKurri · 12/07/2019 15:45

Don't give them any of your DD's clothes - they are her things. Cheeky buggers. If granny says anything about sharing say ' but sharing is a two way thing, and Polly doesn't have anything that DD wants or needs to share back. You are just asking for DD to give away her belongings. Which is silly.'

I'd also tell her that when DD outgrows her clothes you are going to put them on ebay and give DD the money. Granny can then bid for them if she's that keen.

BlueSkiesLies · 12/07/2019 15:46

Grow a pair “oh, it’s a shame but we will need the clothes for DD to wear over the summer so can’t spare them I’m afraid”

pallisers · 12/07/2019 15:46

Do or say nothing. If they have the brass balls to call you about it say "I thought you were joking. why would my daughter give her clothes to her cousin? she can't walk around naked". And then just keep saying "don't be silly those are her clothes"

justilou1 · 12/07/2019 15:46

I wouldn’t have been able to refrain from saying that ex doesn’t contribute towards these clothes, and nosey nannas should take the hint!

Jon65 · 12/07/2019 15:47

Um no.

pallisers · 12/07/2019 15:48

that said I can still remember toward the end of my sister's wedding (I was bridesmaid in lilac satin) my aunt taking the floral combs out of my hair and the matching bag saying "these will be lovely for Mary's bridesmaid next month" My cousin was getting married a month later with the same colour scheme. She didn't even wait for me to finish the evening with them. My sister and I were open-mouthed at her.

mushroomwall · 12/07/2019 15:48

Don't beat yourself up OP! You sound lovely. We all have weak spots and working on them when we become aware of them is an ongoing project for most of us!

KatharinaRosalie · 12/07/2019 15:48

So according to them, you have bought special clothes that are to be used during holidays only? How bizarre. They are summer clothes, aren't they? It's summer. The clothes fit your daughter. Why on earth would you give them to polly?

theWarOnPeace · 12/07/2019 15:49

I would have cackled in her face, and reminded her that her prince of a son pays no child support.

Fuck that. Why would you or should you? Literally nobody does this! I have very close friends that I give things to etc and would lend a unique item, but summer clothes?? Wtf. That child will be needing summer clothes surely? My kids have been wearing full on holiday style clothing for weeks!

Fluffycloudland77 · 12/07/2019 15:50

Well the apple didn’t fall far from grannies tree did it eh?.

It’s really hard when people put you on the spot like that.

MountPheasant · 12/07/2019 15:50

DO NOT GIVE THEM ANY CLOTHES!

Sorry for just repeating everything PP's are saying! And you've already confirmed you won't, I just wanted to reiterate.

She is rude to ask. If she asks again, say you assumed she was joking, and that your daughter is still using them.

And don't beat yourself up for your reply, you were put on the spot and were still pretty firm. Just remember mumsnet next time and be EXTRA FIRM.

I repeat- do not give them ANYTHING.

dayslikethese1 · 12/07/2019 15:54

This is a bit weird if they're not outgrown...do they expect you to give your clothes to SIL as well? Grin

CarolDanvers · 12/07/2019 15:56

Complete madness. I can barely believe what I have just read Shock

IHateUncleJamie · 12/07/2019 15:56

I think I am so keen that daughter sees harmony between me and her dad I sometimes don’t do the right thing

That’s nice @Dippypippy1980 but I think you’ve taken it too far. A much better example to set your dd would be to show her that it’s ok to say no to CFs and it’s absolutely ok to set boundaries. There’s “harmony” but then there’s being a doormat.

Unpack the “bundle” and reassure your dd that her possessions are hers until such time as she outgrows them and wants to pass them on. Ignore Granny and if it comes up again say what @WhatchaMaCalllit said.

BackOnceAgainWithABurnerEmail · 12/07/2019 15:58

Haha haha twats.

No. No clothes. Good decision.

Topseyt · 12/07/2019 16:00

Cheeky fuckers. Never give them anything!

Actually, I don't think after this débâcle I would even want to give them outgrown cast-offs. I'd prefer to send those to the charity shop.

FollowYourOwnNorthStar · 12/07/2019 16:01

Oh! After your latest update I remember you from a previous thread...your exDP’s new partner wanted to stop the swimming lessons (?). I remember the income disparity and your funny, supportive current boyfriend. I thought at the time you were an excellent Mum...and still do.

In situations like these, I just always pretend the person is joking/can’t be serious, and comment accordingly. So if Granny announces Polly can borrow them, I’d laugh and say “Granny, how funny, miniDippyPippy would be running around naked for a fortnight! I don’t think any of us want that! Another cup of tea? Don’t get up, I’ll pop the kettle on.”

And if they persist saying “Polly will look lovely in that” say “Yes, miniDippyPippy loves it. I think they still have some in Next if you wanted to get it for Polly. DD show the photo of you in the red top, doesn’t she look like her father in that photo, Granny?”

Just refuse to engage with the premise of the question, assume they are joking and move the conversation on quickly. Works (almost!) every time. CF usually only get places because people pause, take the request seriously and struggle to say no. They see the “in” and go for it. Just don’t ever give her the “in”.

Lllot5 · 12/07/2019 16:03

Just say no.

Dippypippy1980 · 12/07/2019 16:05

Follow yes that was me😊 lurching from one badly handed situation to another.

OP posts:
DuMondeB · 12/07/2019 16:05

Fuck her. No way!

Rafflesway · 12/07/2019 16:07

Ugh! Good job granny isn't related to me. Don't believe in "Sharing" clothes and never have done.

I would have told her straight too and she could call me every weirdo under the sun. 😂😂😂

twistyturnycurlywhirly · 12/07/2019 16:08

Don't send anything. Your DD hasn't outgrown it yet. CF

SeigneurLapindeGrantham · 12/07/2019 16:10

Please don't give your daughter's clothes away. My mother had form for giving my things away to her nieces and nephew. She even gave my bike away to my cousin, only found out when I happened to go round there house one afternoon; didn't even ask me!

Pity her son couldn't do the decent thing and put his hand in his pocket for his child.

BettysLeftTentacle · 12/07/2019 16:10

Fuck that. She wants you to give the cousin the clothes almost literally off your child’s back. Don’t pack up anything, they’re YOUR children’s clothes, a basic necessity for YOUR children.

SeigneurLapindeGrantham · 12/07/2019 16:10
  • their house