How do you pay for a meal in groups?

[NCTDN]

OK I'm sure this has been asked before.
I've got a group of friends - there's 5 of us who go out regularly. I'm closer to two of them than the rest. They all like their drinks and I don't drink much alcoholic.
When we go out the bill usually gets split five ways from the total food and drink combined. Over time I think I've been to begrudge it more and more. I think I've left it so long though that it's assumed it doesn't bother me - don't know if anyone else even thinks it!
How can I deal with this? Aibu?

We had this last night. I had one drink but two on the table had two bottles.

One of us didn’t drink. I wish I’d spoke up so the non drinker paid less now.

I've always been in groups that paid individually, never been asked to split with others
That's the last 45 years as an adult

Much fairer and more convenient,
for those who are skint and just choose a salad,
as well as those who don't want to feel inhibited from ordering very expensive things

Just tell the wait staff before you order
I live in Germany now and restaurants manage individual bills easily for very large groups, e.g. during our divisional celebrations of 100 people, so I don't know why it is thought such a problem in the Uk

It's not a problem with restaurants, but with the general assumption within the group that I'm happy to split the bill. I'm going to speak up next time

OP, I think you need to say something to the group before you order. Or, have a word with the person you are closest with and explain the situation to them.

I generally prefer to pay for myself when I go out as I think it's fairest all around, although I acknowledge it's faffy for everyone.

We are going for a family meal as we have a number of birthdays coming up and there will be about 25 of us. This includes children, people who don't drink and everyone is on a variable income. I suggested we go to a buffet restaurant as that way, everyone pays a flat fee before they eat and so we don't have to worry about the bill.

Often non drinkers get coffees and puddings and soft drinks are expensive too. We usually try to make it fair though.

Good point mollyblack. It does depend on how much alcohol has been drunk but a pudding and a coffee often cost the same as a glass of wine.

I think some restaurants will do individual bills if you ask at the beginning. I think that’s better than trying to split it individually afterwards.

I pay for my own food and drink - loathe this splitting the bill nonsense.

When I go out with a group of my female friends they all drink loads of wine. I don't like it so I make sure I drink enough spirits to make up the difference. then we just split the bill. Just drink more alcohol.

Having been caught out a few times with this I now skip lunch/breakfast before eating out with friends so I’m starving then order starter, main and dessert plus have a few soft drinks so at least if we’re splitting the bill I’m getting my money’s worth. Petty I know but I hate feeling I’ve subsidised someone else.

A friend of ours used to put some money down as soon as the bill arrived then leave sharpish and it was never quite enough to cover what he’d had. We don’t eat out with him anymore.

Paying for your own drinks is the way forward. I still shudder when I think about a big group meal out 20 years ago which cost us a fortune, and we were practically sober at the end whilst the part of the table where all the bottles of wine got dropped off were just about paralytic drunk. Never again!

We would add up what each person had and that is what they pay plus tip. There are 4-5 of us go out regularly. A couple drive while a couple of us have at least a bottle of wine each. It wouldn’t be fair at all to split it evenly.

Good on you if you are going to speak up, OP

So many on MN are too embarassed to stand up for themselves

We just work out what we have eaten and drank, usually at the beginning of the meal for food and keep tabs on what drinks we are having. This is much fairer all round in my opinion, there have been times I haven't had much money at all to spend so have gone with one of the cheaper options; and other times when I have ordered the steak or something and wouldn't expect others to subsidise my pricey option.

I'd generally just split the bill equally with my friends. It's always a bit painful when ten people are doing sums at the end of a nice, relaxed meal. Even worse when you're all a bit tipsy and you end up with a shortfall.

Totally different story if one person has clearly ordered much less than everyone else (e.g. no alcohol or only a main when everyone else had three courses). There was a nasty falling-out in one of my old friendship groups a few years back because A and B openly sneered at and humiliated C because he asked to pay his share only (deliberately audible comments about "why doesn't he just get a proper job?" - he was a teacher - and "he's so pathetic" etc ). We'd all had three courses and massive amounts of booze; C had had a starter and tap water. To make matters worse, C had initially tried to get out of the meal because he couldn't afford the restaurant but the "birthday girl" had assured him that he could come and order as much or little as he wanted. Needless to say, A and B don't really get invited out much anymore.

I think men have the best policies when it comes to this. I have been out with groups of men for meals with work and they just seem to divvy it up in a rounded way.

Let’s say 7 of us out and bill is £200

6 drinking 1 not.

They just tend to go “us six pay £30 and Terry pay £20 as you weren’t drinking mate”

Very quick and easy without the pissing about of looking at bills in minute detail.

We split the bill, I was surprised the last time as the non drinkers bottled water wasn't far off a price of a glass of wine.

Yes bottled water can be a silly amount! I can't tell the difference between that and tap water anyway!

With family and friends, normally just split the bill unless someone has had significantly more or significantly less than the rest, then they pay more. Unless drinking certain types of drinks, often a beer or a house wine isn't much different to a soft drink price we find.

With large work type groups people seem to want to pay for just what they've had, so I just pay what someone works out.