How do you pay for a meal in groups?

[NCTDN]

OK I'm sure this has been asked before.
I've got a group of friends - there's 5 of us who go out regularly. I'm closer to two of them than the rest. They all like their drinks and I don't drink much alcoholic.
When we go out the bill usually gets split five ways from the total food and drink combined. Over time I think I've been to begrudge it more and more. I think I've left it so long though that it's assumed it doesn't bother me - don't know if anyone else even thinks it!
How can I deal with this? Aibu?

I sometimes think the only reason I get asked out is because I can work out how to split the bill.
Everyone pays for their own especially alcohol.

I think the alcohol link is new. I'm not the target market for that link (don't drink and too ancient).
Now if instead the word teenagers turned into a nice bar of chocolate and a cup of tea being brought to me irl, that would be better.

I think you’ve confused matters a bit because you may have previously had a glass of wine from the shared bottles. I think that makes you equally liable in “the group’s” eyes.

I think you’re going to have to just say something about it going forward - and risk looking like a tight arse.

In our group, one of us usually notices if someone is being hard done by, and then we all insist they pay less. This is probably because we also have a lot of vegetarians, so have always been aware of the big difference between meat and veggie dishes.

No one likes the awkwardness of getting the calculator out, but a really simple way to do it without mithering over pence is for you to roughly tot up your contribution including tip. They can subtract that from the total, then split 4 ways.

If they're real friends they can hardly object your not subsidising them.

At different stages of my life I've done different things.
Poor student - we all pay our own.
Forties, with mortgage and good jobs, just spilt it. Some you win, some you lose. This is a much much nicer place to be at.
I think the few posters above who choose expensive things they don't particular want on purpose, are really sad.

I usually figure the bill out in groups. If someone has had significantly less (no drinks and/or only a main course) I adjust roughly. So the other day four of us went out and three of us had starter, mains, coffee and I had a drink they had soft drinks. One had main and coffee. So when it came to final bill it was £30 each, as I had an expensive drink I took £6 off the woman not having a starter or drink and paid an extra £6. Then I rounded myself up to £40 to cover her tip too. Everyone seemed happy and I calculated it quickly without actually going through the bill item by item.

I always split equally even though I do not drink. I cannot cope with niggling over bills. If I or someone else was skint then we would accommodate accordingly but in general it's an equal split.

If it's a small group that know each other well we just add a top and divide by 6.
I went out with a big group yesterday and there was people I'd never met before so at the end we just walked up to the counter and said what we had and they crossed it off the list and paid that way.
We did once have some one that was very vocal that she was a non drinker and couldnt see why she had to pay the same ( she was new to the regular crowd who have been happy splitting for over 35 years. It got pointed out that the price of half a lager was the same price as a pint of coke and she had 3 of them and everyone else only has 2 halves of lager. ( this was before some one else pointed out that no one was begrudging her an extra garlic bread that no one else had)
The best thing I have found is to say at the beginning of the meal " how are we doing this? individually or splitting?" Its easier to come to a decision before the meal than after!!!

Based on another thread running at the moment, not by gift card 😂

Just to add to my last post. Sometimes we pay for drinks individually and just split the food bill.
Its knowing your group that's the key thing. Some groups I watch like a hawk because you know who will take the piss( not enjoyable and nearly always work related) However with my friends it's always swings and roundabouts so no issues.

kosh That's fine, because you are below the average price. It is not up to those who are above average consumers to suggest splitting.

I split with friends where we've all had about the same.
I split with friends where they've had more but I have more disposable money.
I would never dream of suggesting I split with someone if they have had less than I had.

arethereanyleftatall but it's not "some you win some you lose" if you're the one who's always on the losing end. I can't drink alcohol because it triggers my asthma so I lose each and every time when the bill is split - in what world is that fair?

Its all very well saying split regardless and things swing in roundabouts, but I will never drink more than a glass- and some close friends of mine could easily finish a bottle.
As another poster said, know the group and adjust accordingly.

We always ask for separate checks. If the restaurant won't do that, we tote up what each has actually had + equal share of the tip.

@Jayaywhynot In our group we ALWAYS pay for the designated driver's meal as a 'thank you'. It's only right.

These links are making the thread really difficult to read!

We just split per family and the father pays. Very old fashioned, I know but we don’t expect the young adult children to pay nor count how many children and partners are home.
So three families, we might have two daughters and one boyfriend, second family just have their son, third family have their mother and daughter plus boyfriend. We just split the bill three ways.

If I go out without my husband (rarely) we just slit the bill equally.

Can I clarify that I'm not someone who would quibble over a couple of quid, so if I know my meal has come to roughly £12.50 I'll happily stick in £15 quid plus tip. There is a middle ground between getting the calculator out to work it out down to the penny, and expecting someone to pay way over the odds each and every single time.

Pay for what we had individually and there's never been an issue, it's the fairest way! It would be awful if someone was subsidising the drinkers.

My point was it depends on the disposable income of your group.
There are some groups of people whom I go out with, where a tenner, a hundred quid, whatever, makes zero difference to their life. In these groups, no one takes any notice whatsoever of who ate or drank what, the bill is just spilt. No one cares.
Then there are other groups of people, whose disposable income is more varied, or much less, when, yes, alcohol would be taken off; or people pay for their own.

MyCatHatesEverybody she's not s non drinker though - having one glass of wine from a shared bottle means you burn your bridges on opting out of paying for the alcohol. That was my point with the Chinese sharing food scenario - either you're sharing, or you aren't. You can't drink some of the wine from a bottle and complain at having to pay your share of the bottle because you decided to stop at one glass - the bottle still costs the same.

Which is why I said if you want to pay for your share that's absolutely reasonable, as long as you're not electing to eat or drink from a communal bottle or plate and pay less than your split.

I'm all for splitting the bill according to what each person orders, but only if you order what you, and only you, are going to eat and drink and don't share communal plates or bottles.

You pay for what you order, not what you actually consume. If you order a bottle of wine to share with 2 friends you don't get to pay for less than 1/3 of the bottle even if you only pour yourself a small glass. If you only want to pay for a small glass, you order a small glass. If you don't want to pay for any alcohol don't drink any!

In that scenario, all pay for you own drinks and split the food bill, unless one of the team is eating caviar and everyone else a salad or something.

Split the bill and the drinkers might pay a bit more and knock off a bit for the non drinkers. If someone has had much less we generally just ask them to pay a bit and split between the rest of us. We never ever ever pay just for our own

@MNHQ can you please rethink those stupid key word links? They are incredibly annoying and pop up when you write other words too - not only alcohol but I think when I wrote caesarean section on another thread they popped up too. Also now when you write "oh I've just remembered" or something similar, MN helpfully adds (Other Half) in a fainter font [not envy] .

It's ridiculous and distracting, please make it stop...

I don't understand why some consider it shameful or taboo to want to only pay for what you have eaten.

It seems a bit penny pinching, especially with good friends, unless you are on a very tight budget. You could just as well say there's nothing taboo about presenting your dinner-party guests with a bill at the end of the evening, and expecting to pay when you go to theirs. Totally rational, fair and just, but rather mean-spirited.

So we have alcohol and caesarean and I found dresses on another thread just now. We could play bingo. Who gets the write the longest proper sentence with the most links.

Before her caesarean, Mary who had given up alcohol whilst pregnant, decided which of her dresses would look best in the going home photos. Does that get me 3 points?