How do you pay for a meal in groups?

[NCTDN]

OK I'm sure this has been asked before.
I've got a group of friends - there's 5 of us who go out regularly. I'm closer to two of them than the rest. They all like their drinks and I don't drink much alcoholic.
When we go out the bill usually gets split five ways from the total food and drink combined. Over time I think I've been to begrudge it more and more. I think I've left it so long though that it's assumed it doesn't bother me - don't know if anyone else even thinks it!
How can I deal with this? Aibu?

You'd never at the end of an evening say 'What a lovely evening, Tim here's £3, George £5, and Sarah £2'. Overpaying your share by £10 is doing just that.

Does that get me 3 points?

Triple points if all the words are consecutive

Depends. One or two rounds of drinks, the bill is split evenly. If we've been out several hours and somone does not drink, they will pay less than the rest but it is all in the category of "rough estimates" and rounded numbers.

When people were particularly skint, we would make sure they only pay their share and split the rest evenly.

With one friend (who doesn't drink alchol) i tend to pick up the bill maybe three times out of four. That seems fair to me.

With a couple of other friends, who all drink alchol, the bill is split three ways.

Same with another friend who drinks alcohol.

If you are really friends, it shouldn't be that difficult to have that conversation.

I used to regularly holiday with one friend. The deal was that each day, one of us would pay for lunch and dinner. The following day, the other would do the same. We agreed before hand that if either of us felt the split was unfair, we would discuss it.

I can see how it would be difficult to raise this issue noe, as it's been going on for some time.

I would say, if it's not causing you financial hardship, and they are good friends in other aspects of your life, I would just suck it up. Otherwise, maybe only go to one out of three invites. This may loose you friends, but so will building up unspoken resentment against them.

For 5 points:

Before her caesarean, Mary took piles of dresses to her friend Sarah who had been suffering from constipation from drinking too much alcohol.

Do we get bonus point for using words not in the context of the link?

We split if it’s obvious it will come out roughly equal. Otherwise we each pay our own.

Many places you can ask for separate checks when you are seated. If you do it at the start, the computer system handles it effortlessly.

TeenTimesTwo OH I just read that other thread too- about piles of laundry which auto linked the word piles to information about the medical type of piles and constipation!

Pay for what I eat and drink, I don't expect to be subsidised or to subsidise others (unless specifically agreed upon), I also don't want to have to hold back on what I want to order. I remember what I order and how much it is when ordering, usually rounded up to the nearest pound or multiple, so I usually know how much I need to pay without looking at the bill.

anothernotherone I do agree that once you partake in a bottle of wine, your split the cost evenly even if you only have a glass. When I read the OP I understood her saying she didn't drink much alcohol as meaning she didn't drink on many of the nights out - she didn't clarify till later that she meant only part of a bottle.

However it's incredibly common for people to want to split the bill evenly when someone is clearly budgeting and nursing tap water or one soft drink all evening, that's the scenario I think is unfair.

We always let the serving staff know at the beginning that we'd like separate bills/ tabs.
I appreciate that this isn't always feasible but we really only eat out with close friends due to having a little boy so it's practical for us at the moment.

If everyone has had more or less the same we just split it equally but if there’s an obvious reason not to (like one person isn’t drinking) we pay for our own.

In your case I would just say something like ‘does anyone mind if I pay for my share separately since I’m not drinking?’ And unless they are twats they will all say ‘of course, that’s fine’.

I would put the cost of my meal and drinks on the table and that's it.

I wouldn't be counting my coins but I'm not paying for everyone else.

If we've had roughly the same, split it evenly. If not, everyone pays their way.

Went out for my birthday last year with 7 good friends (well, 6 plus new girlfriend of one), two of whom are married couples.

I had one glass of wine (driving) and one soft drink. One is an alcoholic and had two soft drinks, his wife had one glass of wine an one soft drink. Another friend had one glass of wine and one soft drink. Two of us had starters and main, two of us had main and dessert.

The other four had three bottles of wine between them. They all had starter, main and dessert. One suggested we split the bill and was put out when I said "um, no, I think we'll all pay for what we each had". Why should four of us have subsidised them to the tune of £20 each?

We always split the bill unless one person isn’t drinking at all, usually that is taken into consideration. But if everyone has some alcohol, irrespective of whether it’s one glass or 10, then we split everything.

I decide at the time based on difference in bill. I don’t drink.

If splitting equally means I only pay £5 more than my share I’m easy.

If there is a £10+ difference I’ll ask to split based on what we ate. Only one person every refused this (she spent the night glugging jugs of cocktails) and that was the end of the friendship for me.

We’d always just split it.

OP if you are drinking from a shared bottle of wine you can’t possibly complain. You’d be basically saying the cost of the bottle should be split based on how many millilitres each person drank!

Depends:

Close friends - split evenly the whole bill

People I probably don't consider close friends owing to their pettiness - itemized bill if they want it, split the remainder between the normal people

I didn't drink any alcohol for 15 years, so been both sides of the table regards this scenario

Ask for separate bills?

Divvy it up unless someone took the piss and ordered excessive amounts of everything.

We always just put in roughly what we think we have spent, plus a bit for a tip, and see what we end up with. Usually we end up with more than enough. On the odd occassion we are a bit short we will just put in an extra £ or so, depending on how many of us there are. Most people notice when ordering how much their meals cost, so it's all fine. If some people are paying with cards, they just pay separately at the bar for theirs - no issue. This works fine as long as you aren't out with CFs who are trying to get out of paying their share.

We split bills but will make sure any non alcohol drinkers pay less

I hate all this. There’s always one or two who drink more and eat more food or more expensive.
If I go out, I always suggest a pays less as they are driving and therefore drank less or b didn’t have a pudd.
If there’s only 5 of you could you not just pay separately. ( you could always nip to loo. Pay for yourself and then say, do sorry, you have to dash off!

I would never ever let anyone who doesn't drink any alcohol (and don't compensate by ordering wagyu + all the deserts on the menu) to always pay the same as me. People who take advantage of that are really sad.

Suddenly this makes me feel relieved I have very few friends and usually go out with just one at a time. Much easier to figure out what exactly each one had and pay accordingly, or just split the bill (more likely, as two people tend to order roughly the same things).

Wow what a lot of responses!
To clarify, I may sometimes have a glass of wine as I know I will end up paying for it anyway. One glass out of a possible 3 bottles though. But 4/5 times I won't have any alcohol.
I don't know the whole group well enough to stand there and say 'I earn a lot less than the rest of you '
I do think I've created an issue by not saying anything earlier and now it's a assumption.

BTW I'm on the app and don't get any links?

I think your problem is having a glass of wine out the bottle. I've done this but then I know I need to pay my share of it.

You're best to stick to soft drinks as if you have some alcohol you're in the territory of saying you didn't have as much and then it seems tight.

My BF is teetotal and I always make sure she doesn't pay for any alcohol. It's just not fair. It's a fine line. I will eyeroll at someone who isn't happy to pay £14 when theirs came to £12.50 but also I have spoken up when I spent £12 and was expected to put £25 in.