How do you pay for a meal in groups?

[NCTDN]

OK I'm sure this has been asked before.
I've got a group of friends - there's 5 of us who go out regularly. I'm closer to two of them than the rest. They all like their drinks and I don't drink much alcoholic.
When we go out the bill usually gets split five ways from the total food and drink combined. Over time I think I've been to begrudge it more and more. I think I've left it so long though that it's assumed it doesn't bother me - don't know if anyone else even thinks it!
How can I deal with this? Aibu?

We always keep the drink separate and we tend to order our own drinks and pay as we go.

Food wise we tend to spilit the bill as we tend to have starters and main and no desserts. However if someone just wants to pay for their own it is no hassle.

I don't want to sound fussy! In terms of what I drunk, I may have a glass of wine out of the bottles that are ordered. I've deliberately sometimes not had any alcohol and just drank water but feel like I'm cutting off my nose to spite my face.
Interesting that the way you do things varies on here.

If you want a glass of wine, order it separately. If you're drinking from a bottle but don't want to split the cost then it gets awkward.

@Jayaywhynot that's exactly the issue - I don't want to look like a tight arse!
@troppibambini that's back to cutting off my nose to spite my face isn't it? Leaving them to go out for a meal without me?

I'm sure if OP was the type to be ordering puddings and coffees when others weren't then she wouldn't be building up resentment.

I had this with a friend's birthday meal - I only knew the birthday girl and ended up spending double the actual cost of my cheap main and a soft drink which I'd budgeted carefully for (on top of contributing towards birthday girl and tip which was fine obviously). Next year when I went I made sure to order a more expensive main and had pudding so when the bill came I only had to pay £3 on top of the actual cost, made me feel a lot better about it.

One of the most practical and sensible things about dining out in Germany where I live now is that groups are always, always asked whether they're paying seperately. It's in the waiting staff's interest because everyone tips seperately!

I have sometimes had a coffee or pudding - and true it's out of principle. Or ordered an expensive soft drink instead of water)which I'm quite happy with).

Alcohol is split separately and then food is split between us.

Don't go. Or meet them after the meal. I often don't drink but would be mortified to start saying I'm paying for what I had. A bill gets split equally.

Christ alive, people really do love their over-dramatic language on MN. You’d be mortified about not splitting a bill equally? It’s a bloody meal bill; your left tit didn’t fall out in the middle of M&S.

@PurpleDaisies
Thanks for your input however it has nothing to do with my intelligence well done you and your clever friends.
As you were.

I prefer to pay for what I have, therefore if I wish to indulge then I don't need to stress about being unfair to a friend and also don't wish to pay £40 for a single course and glass of diet coke.

I absolutely agree with leghairdontcare though that you can't agree to order a bottle to share and expects not to split it by the number of people sharing the bottle! What if two were sharing it and both only poured one glass thinking they'd save a couple of pounds - the wine left in the bottle still needs paying for!

If 5 of you decided to order a lot of sharing plates at s Chinese restaurant but you weren't that hungry and only ate a small portion would you expect only to pay 1/10 and have the other four people pay a bit extra?

If you want to pay for what you order you have to order only individual portions and glasses! That's completely obvious!

If you are drinking from a shared bottle then you probably need to share the cost.

Otherwise no issue in you ordering drinks separately.

Usually the ones who want to split bills are the ones who have spent more than average.

And why is every mention of alcohol turning into a link? Will that also happen if I mention drugs or soft cheese or is it just alcohol we need to learn more about?

In France you'd just pay for your stuff at the till. No help for you but that's what we do as a country!

I always bring cash and then just give the money for what I had rounded up the nearest fiver to whoever is organising the payment.

Alcohol turning into a link?

I depends who I'm with... but mostly my friends notice that some people have drank more or had extra courses and adjust what they pay to that.

It can be awkward though. With good friends I think I'd just say something if I was missing out massively. Less easy with work people etc... I've definitely been in situations in the past when I've been out with older (and richer) colleagues where I've only had tap water and chosen something cheap.... and then they've split the bill without asking

DS works in a restaurant the staff all hate the women groups all with credit cards, takes so long to process. So you could take cash, look at the bill and throw your share of cash into the pot.

@StillCoughingandLaughing

We always pay separately for what we’ve had.

All the groups I have meals with tend to just pay for ourselves and a tip.

The difference with eating less from sharing plates at a Chinese is that you're unlikely to be choosing that type of meal every single time you go out, so the cost wouldn't really accumulate in the same way as drinkers vs non-drinkers.

OP if you don't want to look tight just make sure you get your money's worth - not by ordering something extreme like lobster but by making sure you don't compromise on what you choose because it's an expensive mocktail or dover sole for £18 as opposed to lasagne for £10. Even though it'll mean the total bill increasing a little 4/5 of that extra cost will be absorbed by the rest of the group so you personally will be getting a lot more value for your money for a small extra outlay.

Alternatively, just talk to them! Say look guys this is costing me an extra £20 a time, it'd be fine with it occasionally but it's never going to balance out and I can't afford the extra each time.

@StillCoughingandLaughing

On the very rare occasion we do go out in a group situation, more family functions rather then night out ( if that makes a difference?) I've always just said straight off that we are on a budget so wish to just pay for ourselves

@NCTDN when you type alcohol it comes up as a link to another mumsnet page about alcohol in pregnancy.

The alcohol links are like being told off, just in case the poster is pregnant, it's a little preachy, is that new?