To think DH should remember...

[leopardandspots]

That DD's seven years at primary school finishes next Tuesday.

And that he should not have arranged to go out after work with his mate?

*Perhaps I should try and not read school stuff so I'm less involved in term dates, overnight trips etc.

I think I'm just too vigilant, I'd even be aware of (roughly) when a good friend's children were likely to be having exam weeks or leaving uni. I wouldn't know the precise dates but I'd be aware of what stage their DC are at so I can show interest and ask about how X is doing.*

Stealth boast - what a great mother you are

YABU. Leaving primary school isn't a special day for lots (probably the majority) of people. If he forgot something important, like her birthday or if she was in a play, I could see where you're coming from.

I might have had some sympathy, then read who you word your posts & nope. Leon you sounds like a sanctimonious twat

Not all parent have the luxury of been there at every "event"

Yes I was at primary leaving assembly if that's what your on about. DH has to work, nobody wanted to ring SS for poor parenting. So YABVU

Is it a stealth boast? Don't other people talk about their close friends' children and know roughly what stage their DCs are at? Maybe I'm just nosy.

Take my closest friend from school who lives about two hours away. I've obviously know her kids for 20+ years. I'd know the month when they were due to leave primary, go to uni etc. It's not all we talk about but we'd know roughly what the DC were up to?

It’s not a massive deal. I’ll be at work, DH will pick DS up. I don’t feel I’m missing out at all

"I'm such a bad mother ...."

"I should try and not read school stuff so much" blah blah whereas they are REALLY saying " I am a fantastic mother "

substitute

" I don't let my kids watch TV/ play games" ad nauseam

I don't get the responses on here. I actually think finishing Primary is a big deal and it would be nice if both parents were around that evening. It's not like he has important event on or would need to miss work.

As parents, why wouldn't you want to be around to support your kids at all the stages in their lives as much as possible. My son was very emotional when he finished as he wouldn't be at school with lots of his friends from the last 7 years. He and a lot of his friends and even teachers were upset.

We had a beach afternoon with the rest of his year after school finished at midday (which I took the afternoon off for) and my husband joined us after work. If parents couldn't come the ones that could go took them and kept an eye on them.

Did you and your dh do the same for your other dc?

I think its nice for her to go out and see her friends. Im not sure anyone needs both parents for dinner, im sure some will be in childcare or having play dates, but its more about what does your dd want? Would she be bothered, does she want a big finish to the day?

I would be miffed at being default to go meet and hang out with the other parents alone. But that's more because dh and i share the suffering then want to both do it.

I think he should have remembered. Not neccessarily not made plans but remembered when school breaks up. Is she your youngest? Does it seem more intense if she is as this is the last time?

It’s sad so many people here don’t recognise the milestone of finishing primary school.

If you finish a job after 7 years working with a team in the same place every day, do you just walk out waving cheerio? Or is there a gift, a card and leaving lunch/drinks/dinner?

You can all bleat on about how hyped it is, how discos are pointless, whether you think your school does too much, but to ignore the fact that it is actually a pretty big moment in a child’s life is just so sad. It’s a few hours in one fucking day. If you aren’t prepared to set a little time aside for something your child may well think is important, what a real shame for your children. There will be some who can’t do this for all sorts of reasons and that’s a shame, but to refuse to do it just because you don’t think it should be important is awful.

The attitude of “well, nobody gave a shit when I was a kid” is ridiculous. Nobody gave a shit about a lot of things when I was a kid. Thankfully times have changed and being a kid is a much nicer thing to be nowadays.

We are full time working parents, we aren’t overly sentimental and neither is DD. I guarantee we will both be there to see DD out of school on her last day. I would be pissed off if H forgets and goes to the pub instead. He won’t, though. That’s not his thing.

If primary school milestones aren’t worth it, I’m wondering if everyone just shoved their child up to school on the first day?

FFS Get over yourself, do you remeber finishing Primary school ? Did you have a huge family party with cake and bunting or did you just walk through the schhol gate and your Dad came home from work as normal for his Dinner ?
Being a Mum to AC i really dont get the hoo-ha made over children these days, why is every single moment a big thing. Its seems it is essential to turn the life of a child into one big award ceremony ,from the 1year cake smash to the Pre school graduation and all the way through to the School proms ( plural as they now seem to have one at the end of primary and secondry)

@Yabbers Don't forget that for some children is not a milestone. For some, it's more exciting that its the end of the term, or they are going on holiday tomorrow. Children and families are different.

My dad took no interest in my life. I remember that. He's a bit better now, at 87, but that's because there is less going on in his own life.

@Percypigparade I am going to pinch that !!Competitivedontgiveafuckery
When DGS finished PS there were a couple of stretch limos waiting outside to take some kids to lunches etc!! DH and I took DD , DGS and a couple of his friends to lunch , although not in a stretch limo ! . I didn’t think we were being ridiculous, they all had a great time .

to ignore the fact that it is actually a pretty big moment in a child’s life is just so sad

Genuine question - WHY is it such a pretty big moment in a child's life Yabbers? The vast majority on here tend to think it isn't, so what are we all missing?

Yes Bull it's completely understandable that many parents need to work on their children's first and last days at school. We both worked on her first day after both dropping her off. But shouldn't both parents know what day their kids leave primary...even if just to say how was your last day/ disco or whatever ?

I still think it would be sort of rude if I forgot it was DHs last day at a job he'd been in for 7 years and just went off to the pub without remembering at all.

My AIBU was should he know the date she leaves primary school. I guess from the posts on here there must be many other parents at our school and elsewhere who don't know the dates.

I'm honestly worried that I've got my parenting wrong after this thread - but then parents are barely involved at secondary school anyway.

Who are you grown adults to decide what's important to your kids?
Some of us have work to do and bills to pay and can't take time off.

Just because you have to work doesn't mean it isn't important to your kids. I take it you finish work at some stage, so do something then. Don't just say it's not important, it obviously isn't important to you if you work by the sounds of things.

Can’t believe how nasty some people are being ! This is supposed to be a supportive place !

In answer to your last question should he know when her last day is? Unless itbos agreed that he would arrange any childcare for the holidays then no.

As you can see from the thread some people think it is an important milestone type day (such as you) and others do not (such as your DH and me). As he is in the latter camp unless you had already communicated that it was an important event to you and you wanted him to be present (to cry and attend a disco that not every parent will be going to anyway) then how was he supposed to know that this was expected of him.

In the circumstances where you had not communicated expectations of him for a certain date it is not unreasonable of him to have made social arrangements of his own.

Just because people do not consider the same things important does not make people bad parents as seems to be suggested above.

*It’s sad so many people here don’t recognise the milestone of finishing primary school.

If you finish a job after 7 years working with a team in the same place every day, do you just walk out waving cheerio? Or is there a gift, a card and leaving lunch/drinks/dinner?

You can all bleat on about how hyped it is, how discos are pointless, whether you think your school does too much, but to ignore the fact that it is actually a pretty big moment in a child’s life is just so sad. It’s a few hours in one fucking day. If you aren’t prepared to set a little time aside for something your child may well think is important, what a real shame for your children. There will be some who can’t do this for all sorts of reasons and that’s a shame, but to refuse to do it just because you don’t think it should be important is awful.

The attitude of “well, nobody gave a shit when I was a kid” is ridiculous. Nobody gave a shit about a lot of things when I was a kid. Thankfully times have changed and being a kid is a much nicer thing to be nowadays.

We are full time working parents, we aren’t overly sentimental and neither is DD. I guarantee we will both be there to see DD out of school on her last day. I would be pissed off if H forgets and goes to the pub instead. He won’t, though. That’s not his thing.

If primary school milestones aren’t worth it, I’m wondering if everyone just shoved their child up to school on the first day?*

I totally agree, and op didn't say that she wanted to get out the bunting, she simply said that she is miffed that her dh didn't even remember or consider it when making plans.

We're not overly sentimental as a family, but dh wouldn't roll off to the pub on ds last day of primary.

In any couple, there's one person who tends to keep the calendar and focus on certain areas of life. There are probably things that your OH is more aware of than you. If you can rely on one person to keep you up to date with things in one area, then you can be more tuned in to another.

Rightly or wrongly, you've become the school person. Probably as much because you're freelance and can work around things, as because you're female.
My husband was a devoted and very hands on dad. He adored his girls and would do anything for them. But I was the person who knew who should be where and when, and the general social school stuff.

I know he dashed home to see the girls leave for their prom at 16. But he'd probably have needed constant reminders of when it was!

Yabbers

You sound like Miss Honey in Matilda when she tells the parents to stop watching tv and listen about their daughter. I'd add a grin but it isn't funny.
It's interesting and sad to see just what an inconvenience some parents see their children.

I'm in my 50's and was there for all our dc leaving primary, they remember it, I remember it and dh helped celebrate when he came home. I also remember my last day and my mum picking me up and us going for ice cream in the park with all our friends and mums. Mums brought a picnic and we played till about 8.00 ish as no school next day.
Just another milestone to remember, like their first day at secondary, which is probably just a faff for some parents.

Yes Myother I work but am lucky in that I mostly freelance so can often juggle stuff around.

So it's not about you being the super vigilant mum and dh being the out of touch man. It's about you having the flexibility to get involved in the coming and going of school life.

I work 3 days, DH works 5. I do lots of the scho admin, calendar etc because I have more time than him. I do let him know stuff rather than leave him to work out dates. Because I have more time and am more involved in school stuff than him.

On the other hand both DC do a hobby that he is more interested in than me (yes I know, the mysterious MN hobbies) so he handles all the admin and calendar for that and let's me know things I need to know. It's not an involved mum v absent hands off dad kind of thing unless you make it that.

That's not how it looks to me

Phew! I was really worried for a moment what a sneery and dismissive poster on MN thought of me

I think graduating from nurseries, primary schools and even some of these end of year parties are ridiculous. Leaving primary school is a big deal for your DD and I remember my DDs leaving over 20 years ago as they were all crying but we didn't make a fuss and I can get where your DP is coming from too. The school did a leavers assembly and the parents were invited but the school song made the kids cry so I think they stopped singing that more recently. She will enjoy the picnic with her friends so your DP won't be missed I am sure.

If your children are happy your parenting is fine. We all do it differently because we are all different and so are our children.