To think DH should remember...

[leopardandspots]

That DD's seven years at primary school finishes next Tuesday.

And that he should not have arranged to go out after work with his mate?

I find it odd that in 2019 so many people think children's school stuff are either unimportant or still seen as being predominantly part of a women's role -while the men go to the pub.

You're making that up! People aren't saying that. People are saying it doesn't take 2 parents to go to a leavers picnic. You won't find many kids there with 2 parents accompanying them. Lots of parents will be at work.

As I said previously, we tagteam parent with school events. So long as one of us is there it doesn't matter if the other is.

other fathers should ignore their kids

So we've gone from missing the last day of primary to ignoring His child.

nobreakfastforme there's a picnic for the whole year planned.

As long as one of you is around to do all the things with her, then it'll be special. It's the school things and friends that are important. You are just an afterthought.

If it was his first or last day in a new job I think he'd be miffed if we forgot and went out eh? Why would he be miffed?
I dont get it?

I'm doing nothing of the sort

That's not how it looks to me.

MyOtherProfile, so if one of your children want you to attend school stuff but you decide you want to go to the pub and you Partner wants you there , you choose the pub?

@that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 primary proms already are a thing at some schools. The boys wear suits and the girls dresses and make up. One school here that is in one of the most deprived part of the county has them. They should be banned imo.

Haven't read the full thread but 3 pages is enough for me to agree with 90% of posters.

I cant believe leaving primary school is such a big deal. I'm in my 50's so I wont hark back to my day as we had 3 day weeks & power cuts to contend with, but my 3 kids have all left primary school within the past 5 years & none had a special day & just walked home as normal.

As for celebrating special days. Obviously birthday, xmas etc. But I'd add in 1st day at school (primary & secondary) and any graduation days (Uni or armed forces etc).

FWIW. My last day of secondary school was an O level exam. Finished & went home. 3 days later I started work.

I think the OP needs to get a grip.

OP I can see where you are coming from. Something is happening that is important to your daughter and a parent has disregarded her feelings.

People, including children, have different priorities. My oldest's last day of primary was very emotional (small school, friends leaving the area) and she asked me to collect her instead of getting the bus home. She wanted support from a parent. Not an unreasonable request.

@Ponoka7 that's quite a twist!

If there is a school event on and I'm at work or have something else arranged but DH is going I'm fine with that. I would make an exception for big things like the year 6 production where we both went. I've never done a sports day and I'm fine with that because dh did them all. DC's know one of us will be at everything and we both always go to something.

Meh.In an ideal world I suppose he should be there but it's not like he can see her coming out of the school gates for the last time if hes at work is it? The party and stuff after is for the kids not adults and there will be loads of parents not in attendance I'm sure.Ds has his first ever sports day on Monday and guess what? Dh cant come but I'll be there and that's ok with ds who's 5.Im sure an 11 year old won't care either way but tbh it sounds like your bothered about all this not her.

If a mother decided to go out on her child's last day of [primary] school and not even so much as see them briefly, it would be different (people will deny this).

This is what I think too. But maybe I am too interested in my children?

The majority think it's fine for DHs not to know the days DC start and leave school - then it's fine for mothers not to know these details too.

As I say it's his choice to go out, but I still think in a co parenting situation both should be at least aware of relevant dates so it forms part of conversation.

Perhaps I should try and not read school stuff so I'm less involved in term dates, overnight trips etc.

I think I'm just too vigilant, I'd even be aware of (roughly) when a good friend's children were likely to be having exam weeks or leaving uni. I wouldn't know the precise dates but I'd be aware of what stage their DC are at so I can show interest and ask about how X is doing.

Do you work OP?

We all went to McDonald’s together on the last day of primary school. I remember because the naughty boy in the class started throwing ice creams at the window from outside . Ahh fond memories... No parents involved though, they probably just dropped us off and left us but that was it.

You’re being precious.

Would any of her university-age siblings be around and happy to go, OP? I was trying to think back to end of primary and have fond memories of going to smallest’s leaving assembly flanked by HUGE teenage siblings. Especially nice if they went to the same primary and can get all nostalgic about the teeny plastic chairs.

I don’t get it either.
I will be there to pick up my dd (and drop her to the yr 6 pool party) but if I had to work then it wouldn’t have been possible.
I will be at parents turning up together at school for this.

Well OP you have made me smile as I head off to do my "women's work".
This evening I will watch an episode of the Handmaids Tale to make sure that I know my place.

The end of primary school is the end of an era for parents who do the school run.

While I think the disco and picnic sound great for the kids, I think some modern parents go OTT with occasions like this (the cap and gown when leaving nursery etc) Giving kids the impression that this is a sad occasion can make some feel that there's something to fear from the next stage and ruin the summer holidays.

The primary school my kids went to had a Leavers Assembly that was designed to be sad. My y11 dd has her Leavers Assembly recently and they made it really funny. There were pics from when they started but it was the necessary bits interspersed with funny bits like the Head rapping and Head of Year playing Ginger in the Spice Girl's dance.

I'm 42 and remember Madonna playing at my junior school disco. I had a black dress with neon trim from C&A and remember crying. I have no idea about any other but if the day. My mum probably took me there but no idea if anything else happened. The point I'm making is that the disco and picnic will be nice for your dd and she may remember it but those are events for her and not family events. Her Dad can talk to her about his experience at breakfast whenever without making him a bad Dad. I assume that this is more on your radar because you work part-time and deal with school stuff.

To the people who questioned the picnic- we did one too. The kids sat down for a drink and food then went off to play which is fun for 10/11 year olds.

It all seems rather ridiculous - once the child has left the school, she will soon forget about the other kids there. If she has a special friend, then they will stay friends. There is too much 'celebrating' days which, quite frankly, have little or no relevance. I remember feeling a little sad when I left my prep school, but was excited for the new school ahead.

OP, I think you’re getting a rough time here. You weren’t asking whether it was reasonable to expect your DH to cancel all plans for that day and be around just in case. You were asking whether DH should have remembered that there was something different about this date and taken that into account when making plans. (Do correct me if that’s not what you were asking.) In which case, given that this date has been discussed within the family then I think YANBU to have expected DH to remember it and factored it in to his planning.

It’s irrelevant whether other posters think this is an important day or not. You say it is to your DD and your DH should be aware of that as her parent.

No @leopardandspots you're not too vigilant, you're too involved.

Both me and my husband work. He took our twins to their first day of school whilst I stayed home with our baby. He will be taking them to the school picnic on their last day of school as I will be at work. No one will be there at their leaver's service as neither of us can get time off.
I think one parent being present is ok - I certainly wouldn't be upset with my husband if he made plans unless it made things logistically difficult.

I don't remember very much about my primary school - I don't think it's a massive deal to be honest.

OP Did you name change for this, or did you just strike lucky with your first ever post being something really contentious to get people something to get good and worked up over?

YABU for some epic drip feeding.

YABU to turn this into some male v female shit.

YABU not to have done this as a vote to really point out how OTT this is.

Last day of primary school? No signing shirts, no discos. I walked home as usual, got myself a drink and watched some tv. Last day of secondary school did involve signing of shirts. Neither event involved my parents. FIRST day of school, yes.

Yes Myother I work but am lucky in that I mostly freelance so can often juggle stuff around.

Tailsof you've made a really good point.One of her university-age siblings will be around and postively wants to go,. She's staying with her boyfriend at the moment but a while ago she said she'd be around that week.Interestingly (unlike DH) she had actually checked on the school website ages ago and knew when her sister's last day was.

And once again. I'm disappointed DH isn't bothered about seeing her at all that day. But it was more the fact he didn't even know when the last day was.