To think DH should remember...

[leopardandspots]

That DD's seven years at primary school finishes next Tuesday.

And that he should not have arranged to go out after work with his mate?

Thanks everyone. The polarisation of views is interesting.

I find it odd that in 2019 so many people think children's school stuff ...so sports' days, parents' evenings, assemblies, leaving school, buying uniform, reading reports, homework etc are either unimportant or still seen as being predominantly part of a women's role -while the men go to the pub.

Yes it's sometimes really hard to juggle work around endless school stuff, like most on here I've spent the last 20 years juggling it all. But this is her last day. I find it odd that so many people think it's fine for both parents to go out and leave 11 year old kids to it. Yes DD will be focussed on saying goodbye to her mates, as her closet ones are going to the Catholic school. But I think she'd be sad if after all that shirt signing and stuff she got home alone, cooked her own supper and then went the party on her own.

Imo both parents should at least know when the two days the child starts and leaves primary school are. Maybe I have radical co parenting views that are now a bit yesterday's news?

By the way another poster referred to other Mums crying which I don't think I will do, I'll miss some of the other parents etc but can arrange to see them socially.

I still find it odd even a teacher has posted saying she doesn't know which day her child actually leaves primary.

Some posts are a bit like " Do anything special at school today love"
" Yeah I left primary school."
.

I posted not because DH planned going out straight after work with his mate- it's up to him if he wants to see her that day. It's more about the fact he didn't even remember when her final day at primary was at all - when we have all talked about it. It's not about if he's around but about whether he's bothered about not being.

He did think her first day there was significant and went into work late so he could drop her off, that's more than some I guess.

I think I just need to learn my place as a woman in 2019.

All this competitive "it's not a big deal, get a grip" sneeriness on here,

Ah yes. So grown up to dismiss different opinions as "competitive sneeriness" 🙄

still seen as being predominantly part of a women's role -while the men go to the pub.

I would think the same if it was the mother going to the pub 🤷🏻‍♀️ In this case it's a man.

I was a SAHM when DD finished Primary so I was there, DH wasn’t. When DS finished Primary AND when he finished secondary I was working in a school so neither of us were there. It’s finishing school not getting married or graduating, certainly not something that we would make a big deal of.

@leopardandspots I think you're making such a big deal out of this as she's your youngest and you feel this is the end of an era for you. You seem to be very involved in youR DC's lives.
Sounds like you've created a bit of a drama with your DD around the last day of term.
Pick her up from school, enjoy any festivities and then move on.
I'm with your DH on this one.

I think I just need to learn my place as a woman in 2019.

Don't be ridiculous! You seem to have twisted this to your own agenda.

Don't see the issue

As an aside, i cried when DD left primary. She's the youngest and we'd been there as a family for a long time. It was an emotional day :) I wasn't sad, I was over it by the evening. Before I got home probably.

For me it's nothing to do with which parent does what it's the massive fuss now made about leaving primary school. I was glad when they left secondary school, overjoyed at university graduations but leaving primary was just leaving primary.

OP is this your youngest, and last, child if you have DC's at uni?
Is that why you're being so precious?

Was he there for the others on their last day of primary school? Has your DD specifically asked him to be there?

I think YABVU...

Ah yes. So grown up to dismiss different opinions as "competitive sneeriness"

I'm doing nothing of the sort. There's a sneery, unnecessarily, dismissive tone to quite a few of the responses on here. Nothing to do with dismissing different opinions.

I was quite emotional when my dc left primary school and took photos of them with their friends, took the teachers a present, even went for a huge picnic with one particular class.

But DH was at work. It wouldn’t have occurred to either of us that he should be there or needed to be at home that night when they got back. It’s unfair of you to make out you care more. I presume you’ve done more of the drop off and pick ups? Gone to more assemblies and concerts? Made more friends with other parents and built a relationship with the teachers more than him. Just put things into perspective and stop being so dramatic.

I'm almost 32 and I remember leaving primary school. We had a special assembly with parents, we all drew on and signed each other's jumpers.
Op is there something specific planned at the school that day or were you planning something special with her? If so then hibu, if there's nothing planned then I'm on the fence.

I sincerely hope my youngest will have left Primary by the time "Primary Proms" become a thing driven by over-invested parents 🙈

I can see both sides.

On one hand, leaving primary really is no huge deal in the grand scheme of things. I can barely remember my last day at Primary.

Otoh I can see your point op. There seems to be this horrible miserable cook girls attitude on here to marking occasions, be it Mother's Day, birthdays and so on. Usually when it comes to men and their social lives.

If a mother decided to go out on her child's last day of school and not even so much as see them briefly, it would be different (people will deny this).

Ds school have arranged a special assembly and dh and I are both going, ds might not remember but we will, much like his birth, his first birthday, he won't remember, but we will.

There is a small get together after school then I've no doubt the evening will just be a totally normal one, however I would imagine dh and I will probably feel a bit strange and be chatting about how our little boy has got so big. I doubt he'd arrange to go out, but then we're just like that.

No offence but the last thing the kids would want is there parent tagging along on a day like this .
both of ours went of with there friends after school and did there own thing.
think you need to realise your kids are growing up and let them go and be more independent .
What kid would want there parent hanging about at school disco.
this is about you not her.
I went on youngest last day to give him some money as they were going out .There were mother crying hugging never seen anything so dramatic in all my life. My sons friends mum was one of them he was so embarrassed and couldn't wait for her to go.
Your poor husband getting shit for something like this.

Please please don't go showing her up at 1st day of secondary school picking here up and dropping her off .

I'd be miffed. This falls under the "mental load" type category and why shouldn't he remember? His child too.

Our school makes a big deal of the last day. All parents of the leavers are there. The whole school lines a marked route, the children are piped out (love the sound of bagpipes) al the pupils try and high five the P7s.

There's a coffee morning for the parents

The P7 parents have got together to arrange a cheap lunch at a local pub and a party later on too (keep the cost for lunch and the party at £15 ph). It's themed to avoid kids wanting to dress up.

It's a special day here. If a Dad could be there (ie not working away or unable to take time off) he should be there!

The plan is collect the kids from school and the teacher gets given a present etc. They all sign shirts if they haven't done already.. Then there's a picnic with the whole year group in a local park and later a disco party that parents can stay at or not.

If he knew about this and was meant to come then hibu.

Gracie300
OP not saying that she wants him to be around for the last day of primary school or even asking has he been unreasonable to miss lots of these events. She is saying should he not go out with his friend in the evening to be part of the day- we have no idea what part - just asking DD if she had a good day? picking her up from the disco? going out with all the parents. Of these only the first two are for DD and are no big deal and the latter is for the parents - so presumably he gets to choose. If there was a farewell assembly with parents attending which DD wanted him to go to (or wanted at least one of the parents there and OP is annoyed that its always her)- yes I can see that would be unreasonable - but its getting ridiculous.

I'm a wohm with DP being the SAHP and he generally goes to all these things - I try and go to some - occasionally we double up (normally because I could only go at the last minute) but we generally tag team because there are a lot of them, I have guilt tripped myself enough to get to some random event that I think DS will want me there for to generally find that it doesn't matter as long as one of us were there.

WOW just seen the woman card as well hilarious

I don't understand this, she didn't pass any exams, she didn't graduate with a degree, she just got too old for primary school. If there are too many 'special days' they are not special any more and we end up with a generation of people who expect a round of applause for blowing their noses.

iamnotagoddess

WTAF? My DH is in the forces and I thank my lucky stars if he gets home for Christmas.
So because you’re husbands in the forces other fathers should ignore their kids...

Literally no one on this thread has made this a man v woman issue, except you OP. Most people have said it is of little importance to anyone.

Just read OPs update - talk abut drip feed

all of those things are both parents jobs but it doesn't mean that both parents have to do all of them - do you both cook dinner every night, both go to the shops to buy food, both help with the same bit of homework - I hope not- you divvy it up- and not according to gender according to skills/inclination/availability etc

"I do wonder how he'd respond if I made plans and didn't see her at all on her first or last day of primary school. But hey ho."

I think that is the crux of the matter.

He made plans without considering either of you and as you say, this shit should have stopped in 2019.

He has no reason other than wanting a night out, to not be at the picnic. It's a family event, but he's prioritising the pub.

It's also upsetting that he doesn't want to share in this, when ypur DD would lije him there.

My DH and Dad worked away, but if they wasn't working they made the effort.

Girls whose Dads are engaged in these sorts ofcthings and school/personal life achieve more and have greater self esteem.

Does he normally just asume you'll be available to Parent when he makes plans without asking?