To think DH should remember...

[leopardandspots]

That DD's seven years at primary school finishes next Tuesday.

And that he should not have arranged to go out after work with his mate?

@StreetwiseHercules it's tiresome when everything lands on the mother to sort out all the time.

@munchkincity
You must live in a very privileged little world if you think that's normal.

Couldn't you have just had this discussion in the first place? He sounds like a reasonable person. When you first heard of the night out couldn't you have just said, actually dh I'd like you around that day so we can do something special to mark dd's end of primary school.

God, there are some sanctimonious wankers on this thread 🤔
I feel sorry for the kids of posters here that don’t think it’s worth noting or marking the end of this part of their school lives and the transition to ‘big school’. Whether you go down the whole “party bus” route, or just a “well done” and a nice tea at home, surely it’s worth mentioning.
What will you do @iamnotagoddess when your children graduate or get married? Maybe you won’t be invited to celebrate the big things, if you couldn’t be bothered to celebrate the small things.

“it's tiresome when everything lands on the mother to sort out all the time.”

I’m sure it is.

I’m a teacher and off the top of my head I’m not even completely sure of the date of my own last day of term
Said no teacher, ever
I already know when term ends, next year.

I understand, OP. It is frustrating to feel like your co-parent is not as on top of this stuff in their mind as you are.

I do think you’re being a tiny bit unfair, though. You’re clear about your role - pick up on last day, attend picnic, do disco drop-off. Sounds as if there wasn’t actually a need for DH to make it a different special day - as in, nothing he was required to do, either by your DD, school or yourself because there’s no official school assembly, your DD hasn’t asked him to go to the picnic and you’re on top of the logistics stuff of the last day so no reason for him to alter plans.

We’re a bit the same & I am WFH with flex so often end up ‘knowing’ more about the various stuff required. My DH is good at stepping up and doing co-parent duties as equally as possible but there’s just more rearranging needed his end with work so unless it’s vital/important to DC then he’d not necessarily have the date fixed in mind if it didn’t coincide with him needing to arrange childcare the next day or take time off or whatever.

But then we also have a shared Google calendar for this sort of stuff which would prompt him to check nothing needed from him on that date.

It depends how you communicate with your partner. Everything does not have to fall to the mother to sort out if you have a decent relationship where you routinely talk about events that are coming up and plan what you want to do about them.

In OP's case, when the DH said he was going out she could easily have reminded him that they were planning on doing something with their dd.

If it was just a school thing, I wouldn't have thought parents need to get involved at all. It all sounds like a big unnecessary drama.

The person who opens the bag first should deal with the stuff in it...
Seems so sensible, and yet and yet there seem to be female hands opening bags all around the country simultaneously. This is not to deny that some men are equally involved in their dc's day to day lives. But let's not be naive enough to suggest that it is the majority. It's bad enough how much wife/mother work women end up doing by default, it's even more annoying to have it minimised and ignored.

I feel sorry for the kids of posters here that don’t think it’s worth noting or marking the end of this part of their school lives and the transition to ‘big school’.

Why? They did what they wanted to do to "celebrate" with their friends. I just ferried them about.

MN seems to often have an issue with celebrations. I am of the opinion that life is short and you should celebrate where you can. If someone in our family gets a new job we go out for dinner to celebrate. When DS finishes nursery we will take him out somewhere to celebrate etc. I can't understand why people wouldn't want to have as many happy family celebrations as possible

Aibu? Yes a bit

So I will change it and drip feed and phone DH so I'm not!

Ok 🙄😀

Why? They did what they wanted to do to "celebrate" with their friends. I just ferried them about.

So you were there for it and aware of it then? You didn't just book a night out on the lash and leave it to their Dad?

Also I've learned for lots of parents primary school stuff is no big deal even the first and last days. So to that extent I'm in a minority and was BU to expect DH to remember.

See, I think there’s different issues really. It’s not terrible your DH chose to go out that night - because realistically your DD’s not around herself to have a family celebration with anyway - she has her own Year 6 Leaver plans. You just wish he’d recalled the specific date - but that’s the kind of thing that can just be a genuine mistake (as he acknowledged). I think most posters do think first and last days of school are a big deal but the level of involvement in celebrating them or marking them are different, that’s all.

@Supergrassyknoll

You must live in a very privileged little world if you think that's normal.

Erm, ok.

@CarolDanvers but only one parent needs to be there to transport? So if her DP was doing it, there would be nothing wrong with her going out on the lash.

This thread just made me realise that I don't remember my last day at primary school.

As I said upthread which you decided to ignore if it was that big of a deal I would have asked him to put it in his diary (not have just expected him to know it was a big deal to me).

"The plan is collect the kids from school and the teacher gets given a present etc. They all sign shirts if they haven't done already. Then there's a picnic with the whole year group in a local park and later a disco party that parents can stay at or not."
You should have stated this in your opening post. You may have received a better response.

Have you discussed these plans with your DH and did he agree to go but is now reneging on your plans? Or did you just tell him of the plans and assume he would be available and come along?

You didn't just book a night out on the lash and leave it to their Dad?

Given I'm a SAHM and single, no. Obviously.

Nice try though.

You are being completely ridiculous.

I've just skimmed a lot of the thread so I might be repeating here, but haven't you got a joint calendar? DH and I have one on our phones, and anything of any importance is logged so that we can see what's going on before we book anything.

Because if "Mini Leopard's last day at school" was logged, then yes he's being U by disregarding it and going to the pub, at least without asking you what it might entail if he was unsure of his involvement.

If you're both relying on some pass-agg nebulous thought cloud to remind both of you to do things then that's daft. One partner is always going to assume some things are more important to them than the other. It doesn't sound like your communication is entirely clear (both ways).

For those keeping score, I left primary in 1981 and can't remember a thing about it, or the last day of secondary school. I used to walk myself to and fro from the age of about 8 [ah, the 70s!] so parental involvement was pretty low anyway. I don't feel remotely let down that my parents didn't chaperone me to these kind of events. I remember my first day at Primary because my mum was crying her eyes out. Apart from that; nada.

OP...I'm a primary school teacher...and even I think you are being overly precious here. I bloody hate all this hype around prom nights etc in primary schools and high schools. It's really not that big a deal, honestly! Most 11year olds (I say most, there are of course exceptions) would be happy with the shirt sign and a kick around on the park after their last day. Without their parents. These 'high emotions' are relatively new (I've been a teacher almost 30 years!) and I'm convinced that as the hype around leaving has got greater (proms etc) the emotions have run higher. No need for all this...it's just one of very many transitions that we go through in our lives, and we ought to be building resilience not high drama around these life-events.

Saying ALL of this...if you have previously, and specifically, asked your DH to be available for this event, and he's deliberately chosen to do something else, then he's an arse! So, if that's the case, you are right to feel aggrieved 🤷‍♀️

I haven't rtft OP but you seem be to getting a really hard time. yanbu imo. it is a special day and you dh should want to come home and see you dd, ask how it went, have a special dinner etc. I remember my last days at primary school. it was very special, exciting and a bit sad.

Nice try at what? Genuinely confused by what you mean by that. Can you explain @SoupDragon. What point did you think I was trying to make?

I'm a single parent too btw.