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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think DH should remember...

443 replies

leopardandspots · 11/07/2019 23:25

That DD's seven years at primary school finishes next Tuesday.

And that he should not have arranged to go out after work with his mate?

OP posts:
anothernamereally · 12/07/2019 10:10

If my dh stayed home for every assembly, prom, performance etc he'd never be in work, dito birthdays - work and school as normal, cake at tea, celebration of choice at weekend

Eliza9919 · 12/07/2019 10:19

I agree 1000% with Yabbers - and OP.

This thread is really sad to read, if it's all true. Why have kids if you don't want to be involved in their life and celebrate all the little things. Some of the posts even sound downright neglectful "yeah, my kid left PS but I didn't give a fuck, I was off on a cruise". Jesus christ.

Leaving primary school IS a big deal, it's the end of an era and signalling that childhood is on its way out and they've been in that class with those kids for years and some will be going to different schools. It's the start of a new chapter and growing up.

On my last day of primary, we had a massive, massive water fight in the playground when our parents came to pick us up, some even joined in! - huge deal water bombing parents and teachers - and then we went to mcdonalds. This was when mcdonalds, or any takeaway really, was a treat and you only went for birthdays etc. I can't remember if we had a disco, we probably did.

Don't listen to the miserable fucks on this thread op, the way you parent sounds lovely.

serenadoundy · 12/07/2019 10:19

It's about the fact DH didn't even know the date she leaves.

Oh. Well that really wasn't clear until this point.

Can't say it would be a big deal for me, I once double booked our summer holiday because I'm so shit at dates. DH tends to remind me about things now. Could you not have just done the same?

EmmaGellerGreen · 12/07/2019 10:20

Last day of primary school is a big deal here. Most parents take children there for the last time and there are photos taken of the whole class with the teachers. Then collect after lunch for a big picnic on a nearby field. Most other year groups go to. It’s happened like that for at least 10 years. DH arranged to be there ages ago, as have many others.

Supergrassyknoll · 12/07/2019 10:24

I'm sorry but I feel like you're gonna create a very entitled young lady with this mindset

Tighnabruaich · 12/07/2019 10:25

Can anyone in adulthood actually remember their last day at primary school?

yiskasha · 12/07/2019 10:28

I think the last day of primary school is a big deal. Both my parents picked me up, and attended an assembly for parents and children too. Then there was a little party. This might not be a big deal to parents, but it is to the kids and I think parents need to be there for their children on days like this.

yiskasha · 12/07/2019 10:30

@ReanimatedSGB why is it up to the mum to arrange things and inform the dad? Why can't fathers also take an interest in their children's lives and plan or at least know when things are happening without their wives or partners having to inform them? It takes two to make a baby and both are equally as responsible.

CarolDanvers · 12/07/2019 10:33

@Tighnabruaich no, not really because my Dad was in the army and there were so many last days. However I don't remember the actual specifics of hardly any of my birthdays or what year I got the super girls world with the eyes that changed colour for Christmas but I know those things felt like a massive, big deal at the time and not how they feel now viewed with hindsight through adult eyes. I try to remember that all the time when dealing with my own children; that I am a jaded adult and that they'll see things in their lives as much more important than I will.

MrTumblesSpottyHag · 12/07/2019 10:36

I'd be annoyed too OP. At DD's school it IS a big deal. Last year there were kids crying all over the place and huddled up in group hugs. It was really sweet.
My DH would be the first one to suggest doing something together to mark the occasion.

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 12/07/2019 10:37

I can understand if he was choosing to not go to the leavers assemblies, but sounds like he would be at work anyway. My DH hasn't been able to go to any leavers assemblies due to work logistics and it hasn't had any effect on my DC.

Marvinmarvinson · 12/07/2019 10:38

The actual last day of primary wasn't a big thing for our kids really. The run up was, they had lots of stuff planned which both me and dh attended/sorted/ferried them to and from. The actual last day though? Nothing was planned and it never occurred to me to mark it in anyway given they'd already had so many other leavers events. Me and dd had a little sob in the car. Ds was overjoyed to see the back of it so no sobbing there.

As such, it would never have occurred to me to need or want dh around that day or evening. Weird to think that this would somehow mark us down as disinterested parents. I don't intend to do anything differently with the third child though. I'm afraid I think a transition week, a residential, a school trip, a prom and a leavers assembly are quite enough to mark/help them leave year 6 and I don't feel any need to arrange anything further.

More generally speaking we have a shared calendar and we always check on there before arranging anything and then usually verbally check too. At that point if I want dh around I'll say so.

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 12/07/2019 10:43

@Marvinmarvinson I agree, the weeks leading up to the last day are so full of things for the kids to mark leaving Primary, the last day was more "right let's get out of here". All the kids keep in contact with their friends via phone/Xbox etc anyway

StreetwiseHercules · 12/07/2019 10:46

“why is it up to the mum to arrange things and inform the dad? Why can't fathers also take an interest in their children's lives and plan or at least know when things are happening without their wives or partners having to inform them? ”

Why is everything so adversarial. Whoever opens the school bag first might be the first to find something out and then tell the other person.

All this baggage about “why should it be the wife” is so tiresome.

TailsoftheManyPaws · 12/07/2019 10:56

The good thing about this thread is that the idea of checking the school calendar made its way muzzily to the front of my mind.

And it turns out that my remaining school child has a long weekend booked with school that I need to arrange lifts for. Oops. Will get onto that, or maybe slate DH for not having done it instead.

Livelaughloveyuk · 12/07/2019 11:14

What?

Original poster
leopardandspots · 12/07/2019 11:31

Well I messaged DH to say the MN majority view was that he needn't have remembered and the last day of primary school was no big deal. I said I accept that I'm in the minority..

He messaged back

" You are right that I should have been on top of DDs last day. I didn't make the connection when arranging the date..."

So I'm happier DH should have remembered. if at all possible, be there to celebrate your DD's last day at primary. I

OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 12/07/2019 11:34

It really doesn't matter what everyone else thinks, in your family, this sort of thing does count. If he's anything like my age he is still confused about the fact that they never seem to break up on a Friday anymore. I hope your daughter has a lovely day.

Original poster
leopardandspots · 12/07/2019 11:34

Sorry posted to soon..

So I'm happier that DH thinks he should have remembered and that,if at all possible, he would be there at some point to celebrate our DD's last day at primary.

I know I'm drip feeding but due to older family members etc we will be away without him most of the summer so he has at least 30+ days to go to the pub.

OP posts:
StreetwiseHercules · 12/07/2019 11:37

So it wasn’t really a genuine query as to whether you were being unreasonable. You just wanted validation.

munchkincity · 12/07/2019 11:41

@Supergrassyknoll

'A very entitled young lady'?

How on earth do you come to that conclusion? For all we know, the DD doesn't know anything about OPs upset at her DH. It is very normal for there to be class and family celebrations at the end of primary school. Not prom-level celebrations, just marking the occasion according the class/family's preferences.

In my experience, the kids really want their parents there!

CarolDanvers · 12/07/2019 11:42

Why is everything so adversarial.

Says streetwisehercules the most adversarial poster on the thread. Give it a rest.

The majority MN were not right on this OP they just thought differently, and I am glad your dh responded like that.

Original poster
leopardandspots · 12/07/2019 11:44

Err no that's quite nasty. I didn't want validation. I genuinely wanted to know if I was BU.

I have learned that for most DC leaving primary school is a big thing at the time but is soon forgotten.Also I've learned for lots of parents primary school stuff is no big deal even the first and last days. So to that extent I'm in a minority and was BU to expect DH to remember.

But yes I take comfort from the fact that quite a few other posters do see it as a big deal -so I'm not in a minority of one.So there are a few others who would also (unreasonably) expect their DH to remember!

OP posts:
serenadoundy · 12/07/2019 11:45

Well I messaged DH to say the MN majority view was that he needn't have remembered and the last day of primary school was no big deal. I said I accept that I'm in the minority..

Except for the majority of the thread people didn't even know it was the forgetting of the date that you were even talking about. Most people answered your OP about him going out, not about the forgotten date which you mentioned much later.

CarolDanvers · 12/07/2019 11:47

You're fine OP. Honestly you are. I hope you and your family enjoy all the events surrounding her last days at primary. FWIW we as a family go out for dinner on the last day of every term to celebrate breaking up. It's a little tradition for us and we love it 😊

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