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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to report myself to social services for help?

112 replies

Username1995 · 11/07/2019 12:17

NC for this.

I almost lost my life a couple of months ago and it has taken it's toll on my already fragile mental health, culminating in a breakdown. I've been diagnosed with PTSD.

I have an almost two year old and a very young baby and I'm struggling to make it through the days when dad is at work, I'm terrified of being alone indoors and won't go out alone with the DC either. I have one relative who supports now and then but is unreliable and very flaky.

Health visitor isn't too bothered, echoed to chat to the GP which I have.

Doctor has prescribed sertraline but warned it's likely to make me worse before I get better, so for that reason I don't feel able to start the course being in sole care of two very young children. For people who are not SAHM's and in work the general advice is to book the week off while adjusting to the AD's, but I can't do that with children. I am waiting for counselling.

I'm on the verge of calling social services and telling them I can't cope and need some support. But is that a bad idea? I know of some horror stories where they're concerned, including my own experiences previous.

I've been perched on the sofa since 9am like a nervous wreck. DH is sympathetic but doesn't feel able to take time off work.

WWYD?

OP posts:
MustardScreams · 11/07/2019 12:19

Start taking the medication. It’s honestly now as bad as you think. I felt ill when starting fluoxetine but it was over in a week and I am honestly a different person now.

Try taking the meds, see how you get on. If there is no improvement in 2 weeks then yes I’d think about asking for more support.

ReganSomerset · 11/07/2019 12:20

YANBU. If you need support, it would be a great idea to ask for it.

thetardis · 11/07/2019 12:20

why does dh not feel able to take time off?

Original poster
Username1995 · 11/07/2019 12:23

I've been close to starting the tablets many times but chickened out at the last minute. I'm ashamed of myself.

He doesn't feel able to take time off work primarily because of money but I suspect work won't be too nice about it as he had 3 weeks off when baby was born and we had to stay in the hospital for 2 of those.

OP posts:
Fefifoefum · 11/07/2019 12:24

Take the meds.

Sassy306 · 11/07/2019 12:28

Can you start them on the friday if your DH is home at weekends? My friend had them and was over the side effects of starting within 3 days and is now like a totally different person. I would start the tablets and give them time to work before involving SS.
Good luck

Leeds2 · 11/07/2019 12:29

I would keep telling your health visitor that you need help. Although I am not sure what they can do if you haven't started the medication that your doctor prescribed.
Could you self refer to Home Start (or ask your HV to refer you)? This would get you a volunteer to come round for a couple of hours a week, and would help you to go out with the children.

Original poster
Username1995 · 11/07/2019 12:29

He's off Friday-Monday so yes I could do that. I think that's the most logical thing to do isn't it. I just don't seem to be applying much logic at the moment

OP posts:
x2boys · 11/07/2019 12:38

I have been on setraline it didn't make me feel worse before it got better ,like most antidepressants it took a few weeks before I started to feel better though ,I'm not sure what social services could do tbh immediately ,they might be able to refer you for some help but I don't think it will be different immediately .

Twinkletoenails · 11/07/2019 12:41

I'm on sertraline and had no obvious side effects when I first started taking them. Your current anxiety is far worse than the possibility of a few days' discomfort. Agree with a pp - start taking them on a Friday am (they can sometimes slightly disrupt your sleep- short term).. you might start to notice that the severity of your symptoms is ever so slightly less by the end of the 1st week. I certainly noticed I was beginning to improve after 2 weeks. More so after 3 weeks!

Isatis · 11/07/2019 12:45

You don't need to "report yourself" to Social Services but you could ask them to do a carer's assessment with a view to seeing whether they can put some support in place.

Original poster
Username1995 · 11/07/2019 12:50

The anxiety is through the roof and I'm plagued with guilt that I'm not doing my best for the children.

Don't get me wrong they're fed bathed cuddled and most importantly loved but they deserve better than I am at the moment.

Not sure what I expect social services to do to be honest, maybe home start would be a much better option in the interim.

I'm going to push myself to start the course, Thank you for telling me what I needed to hear. I'm aware I'm not thinking too clearly at the minute.

OP posts:
30not13 · 11/07/2019 12:53

It's common to feel sick and dizzy when starting but only for a few days. I don't think the gp meant anything other than that really... not that it will make you mentally unwell?

BlueJag · 11/07/2019 12:54

I'm so sorry you feel so unwell. Giving birth can be traumatising and let's face it we go thru so much. We don't even understand the enormity of what our bodies go thru.
If I were you I'll take the meds you can always review it with your gp if they don't agree with you.
Talk to your husband about a referral. I think they may be able to support you or refer you.
I guess you don't have family to support you. There are charities that help Mum's with mental health problems.
Here in the Midlands we have Acacia.

Original poster
Username1995 · 11/07/2019 12:54

I meant "refer" myself to social services by the way, bad wording on my part

OP posts:
herculepoirot2 · 11/07/2019 12:55

In truth, unless I felt my children to be at risk, I wouldn’t involve SS. Less than ideal parenting for a few weeks while you get back on your feet with the medication? Well, they’ll live.

I am assuming they (and you) are completely safe?

chicken2015 · 11/07/2019 12:56

I take the same and it took me about a month of putting off the tablets to finally take them been taking them about a week

UnaCorda · 11/07/2019 12:56

Everyone reacts differently, but I don't think Sertraline is particularly bad for side effects. The most likely thing is a little dizziness.

Original poster
Username1995 · 11/07/2019 12:56

The GP worried me a bit by saying they can make you worse before they make you better, such as an increase in anxiety and depression.

She also said to report back and stop them immediately if I began feeling suicidal, as she has known that to happen.

I definitely don't want to end up that but but I do need to get a handle on my mental health at the same time.

In all likelihood I may get zero side effects, it's just the fear of the unknown i think. I feel so bad now I can't begin to know how i'd cope with feeling any the more worse.

OP posts:
dreichhighlands · 11/07/2019 12:58

Before the funding cuts there might have been a sure start center or family center nearby but they have been much reduced.
If you have contacted your GP and your HV and they aren't concerned then I doubt that social services would be either.

Original poster
Username1995 · 11/07/2019 13:01

Children are definitely not at risk and I've no plan to harm myself, I just feel so unmotivated, tearful and frightened. Constantly panicking that I'm about to die (not an unfounded fear by the way but definitely not likely now). Then there's the guilt that the children are stuck indoors in summer with a morbid mum who's glued to the sofa practising breathing exercises all day to calm myself down. I feel (and must look) a right prat.

@chicken2015 how are you feeling after one week?

Appreciate those of you telling me your experience of sertraline. Its all giving me a bit more courage to get started.

OP posts:
polkadotpixie · 11/07/2019 13:01

Take the meds
Ask your HV for a referral to Home Start

These 2 things helped me the most when I was suffering from PND

herculepoirot2 · 11/07/2019 13:03

Then there's the guilt that the children are stuck indoors in summer with a morbid mum who's glued to the sofa practising breathing exercises all day to calm myself down. I feel (and must look) a right prat.

I absolutely understand why you feel guilty about this (so would I) but they need their mum better more than they need to go to the park at the moment. SS wouldn’t do anything to help you with this anyway. They would only step in if the children were at risk.

Original poster
Username1995 · 11/07/2019 13:07

I'll give HV a call to ask about home start.

If you were to ask her she'd say I'm doing a good job all things considered but I'm not.

I think because she's coming into a reasonably tidy house where the children are looked after, clean and fed, she thinks I can't be struggling too bad. The truth is I'm barely keeping my head above water but I'm still doing everything that needs to be done for the children regardless. Its just so exhausting.

OP posts:
Pinktinker · 11/07/2019 13:11

Just take the meds. The GP almost definitely meant you MAY feel a few physical side effects for the first week but it will pass. You won’t feel mentally worse, it sounds as though you couldn’t feel much worse anyway tbh...

I’d keep badgering the HV as well, they’re supposed to exist for support. I’ll be honest, the last thing anyone really ever wants is SS involvement. Have you told your DH you’re considering this? He must realise quite how bad it is and want to do more to help.