AIBU to report myself to social services for help?

[Username1995]

NC for this.

I almost lost my life a couple of months ago and it has taken it's toll on my already fragile mental health, culminating in a breakdown. I've been diagnosed with PTSD.

I have an almost two year old and a very young baby and I'm struggling to make it through the days when dad is at work, I'm terrified of being alone indoors and won't go out alone with the DC either. I have one relative who supports now and then but is unreliable and very flaky.

Health visitor isn't too bothered, echoed to chat to the GP which I have.

Doctor has prescribed sertraline but warned it's likely to make me worse before I get better, so for that reason I don't feel able to start the course being in sole care of two very young children. For people who are not SAHM's and in work the general advice is to book the week off while adjusting to the AD's, but I can't do that with children. I am waiting for counselling.

I'm on the verge of calling social services and telling them I can't cope and need some support. But is that a bad idea? I know of some horror stories where they're concerned, including my own experiences previous.

I've been perched on the sofa since 9am like a nervous wreck. DH is sympathetic but doesn't feel able to take time off work.

WWYD?

I wouldn’t report to ss. I’d start the medicine on a Friday and insist he takes Monday/Tuesday off if needed. You might be ok but they just give you the warning in case so you know what to expect

Start taking the meds OP. When I started setraline the only negative side affect I remember was difficulty sleeping for a week. Can your DH maybe take a weeks annual leave while you start them? I know you said he doesn’t feel able to but you sound as though you are really struggling and surely he’s entitled to annual leave?

I told DH I was considering it this morning and he said under no circumstances am I to involve social services and that I'm being ridiculous even considering it, thats primarily why I posted here to see whether others felt I was being irrational/unreasonable.

My immune system is compromised at the minute aswell and I've had cold after bug since I got out of hospital and now what feels like tonsilitis so that's not helping my mood.

I'm going to do as suggested and start the tablets, it cant possibly get any worse than this can it.

Home start would be a good option to reach out whether you start feeling better or not. Definitely take the tablets starting on a Friday and if you’re a lot worse come Monday then your dp knows he needs to take a few days family time. Then the home start visits will hopefully kick in. It doesn’t sound like social service is necessary but you do need help and I applaud you for reaching out for it. It takes a lot of guts for anyone to admit they aren’t coping.

He has some holiday left over but hates taking it because the pay is a pittance, although if needs must then he doesn't really have a choice. I'm hoping I go ok on the tablets and if I do get any dodgy side effects they'll be gone by Monday. Fingers crossed.

I honestly could have written your post. 4 years ago I felt terrified every day and was sure I was about to die at any moment. This started after a medical emergency in which I believed I was about to die.
I was subsequently diagnosed with PTSD and have undergone CBT and emdr and am feeling much stronger although I will never be the carefree person I was before.
I can remember the fear of being alone and responsible for my DC and my mind was constantly running with catastrophe. I would be my oh not to leave me alone with them and I would spend the day clock watching till he came home. Each hour was such a huge hurdle. It was pure fear.
After being in such a state I rang 999 during a bad panic and once discharged I rang hv and asked for help. I was referred a family worker who would visit for a couple of hours every other day and support me with everyday tasks such as accompanying me to the local shop or help me prepare my DC a meal ( I was terrified I would die whilst cooking and what would happen) or just have a chat. She really helped lift my mood. She also helped point me in the right direction and helped me access CBT.
Please ask for help. Best thing I ever did.
I can hardly recognize myself from the person I was 4 years ago.

I forgot to mention when he wants to book time off he needs to do it 2 weeks in advance so not sure how it'll sit with management.

Thank you all for taking the time to reply by the way

Maybe it would help to work out a plan to get coverage from others. So, your DH can help Fri-Sun. There may be people who are happy to step up and help you for this brief period when you really need the support. Do you have any children's centre, parenting group or church children's group near you on Mon-Thurs? The church groups near here often run most of the morning as well as some special afternoon sessions and have a few volunteers, if you ask for help in those initial weeks then they might be able to slot you into several groups, so you can go with the kids but just sit drinking tea while others help look after the little ones. If I search around by me there's something every weekday at one or another place. If you want to say where you live (or message) then I could look up suggested places for you. Or you could ask your health visitor specifically; "the help I need from you is to find me places to take the children during these two weeks so that I can have some help while DH is at work instead of sitting at home alone."

I was coming to suggest Home start to you. I am a HS volunteer and I know you are exactly the sort of person who would benefit from a volunteer supporting you.

Take the meds.

Anxiety sufferer here. It is absolutely fucking crippling to feel this way all the time. So take the meds, please.

For people who are not SAHM's and in work the general advice is to book the week off while adjusting to the AD's,

I have never heard this.

I'm so sorry you've been through so much, it sounds like it's been horrendous and it's no wonder that you're struggling. Just to echo PP, I've been on sertraline for nearly two years for PTSD and it's changed my life for sure. It didn't start working immediately but within a week or two, I felt so much better. I had no side effects at all. for you.

I could have written your post 5 years ago. The midwives referred me to SS because I cried for most of the time I was in hospital when my youngest was born. They were about as useful as a chocolate teapot. I found barnardos much more helpful and I got emotional and practical support from them. Also take your meds, you will feel so much better.

The first thing SS will ask is why the fuck DH can't step up. Yes, work might not be 'happy', but so what? This is your health, any decent man would prioritise that and tell work he needs to take emergency leave.

I'm on sertraline and the only side effect I had was a dry mouth for a week. Don't let the doctor scare you into thinking that you're going to get worse before you get better - that's not always true, they just have to warn you. The longer that you put off taking them, the more time will pass before you start feeling better.
Just PLEASE make sure you take the tablet with plenty of water - they're tiny but if you try and swallow them dry, you'll end up with really severe heartburn.

That is exactly me at the moment @BlueMerchant down to a tee and it stemmed from a medical emergency where I almost died, too. I'm so sorry you suffered and it's lovely to read that you're better now.

From the minute I wake up I'm racked with anxiety that the thing that almost left my children motherless, is coming back, or has already come back. I haven't had a fortnight of good health since I was discharged but I'm told that's not unusual given that I'm postnatal and recovering from sepsis, but every bit of fatigue, a cold or swollen glands has me freaking out thinking it's come back to finish me off.

My HV is quite nice but not very proactive as I've had to chase her for alot of unrelated support in the past to do with DC1's condition.

When I took sertraline I had zero side-effects, OP.

I would echo everyone's advice and suggest that you start them.

You're likely to get bugger all help from SS. Friend of family has been reported several times because children are filthy/underfed/house is disgusting and nothing is ever done. Home start if they cover your area might help, or some of the local charities like the salvation army.

Take the meds if it makes you feel better take tomorrow when dh gets back from work then he's there for the weekend. The doctor has to let you know of the side effects but it dosent mean it's going to happen to you just that your fully informed.
I've been where you are it might not feel like your doing a great job but you are! Believe in yourself and keep strong it will get better maybe not tomorrow or the day after but it will.

I'm on Sertraline OP. The main side effects I've experienced are a little dizziness (like a sensation that my eyes were a bit slow to 'catch up' focussing when I moved my head rather than feeling about to pass out IYSWIM), dry mouth which passed after the first week or so, and a difficulty in reaching orgasm - that one's ongoing, unfortunately. By the end of week 2 or 3 I started to feel better, more 'level' and less anxious. It has given me back my ability to function.

for you, I hope things get easier for you soon.

Take the meds.

It's very, very tough. But you have to start taking the steps, no one else can do it for you.
They only need to be baby steps - but steps all the same.

I struggled in the way you are. I hated taking DD out, my anxiety went through the roof. Even a small trip to the local park was enough to send me into a panic attack. Consequently, we were stuck indoors all day and as DD got older, her behaviour deteriorated.
The poor kid was so bored and thinking back now I feel terribly guilty.

I started taking medication and, although it took a while, I felt better. I then started slowly.
Playing out in the garden for a few hours, then riding her scooter down the street outside. I built up the outdoor time very gradually and now we both go stir crazy if we don't get out during the day.

It took for DP and DF to tell me that I was becoming a hermit and needed to get DD out for me to realise that I had let it slip.
You've had the insight to realise that yourself!
That's the first step (and the biggest!) Be very proud of yourself for that alone.

You don't need SS involvement. Support is available from different areas - going straight in to SS wouldn't help. It could make you a lot more anxious as well - having them hovering around (even if you've involved them yourself) is enough to test even the strongest person.

You can do this OP! One day at a time.

HomeStart are brilliant.

Also, look on FB for local support groups. In my City there is a group called Open House, it’s been amazing for me and there could be something similar near you.

@HolyFuckballsBatman I was like that for quite a while, years ago. And have recently relapsed. I know I can do this because I’ve done it before but fuck me it’s draining.

You sound a great candidate for HomeStart if they have someone in your area. I don't know how you get referred to them though. Hope you can get some more support from somewhere; do go back to the GP to discuss things if that is practical.

Start taking them today lovely. And try and get your DH to be a bit more supportive! Do you get time to rest at the weekend if he can take the kids out for a bit or anything?