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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to let my children play in the garden in the morning?

87 replies

SoVeryTired998 · 11/07/2019 09:48

I put my two sons (2 and 1) out in the garden this morning just after 9am, and within minutes the neighbour who's house ours backs onto stuck her head out the window and shouted at me to take the children inside because she has an 11 hour shift and needs to sleep.

I was mortified and say ok I'll take them in, and swiftly picked them up and bunged them inside. She had her window open so I could hear her bitching about me as I did it, and when I went back out to get a toy I could hear her TV on and thought if she can have the TV on then can they now be outside?

So clearly I shouldn't have had them outside so early, what time is acceptable? Should I go and speak to her and see if we can come to some sort of mutually convenient arrangement with regards to my children playing in the garden? I now feel a bit trapped in my house and I don't know when I should let them play outside because I don't want another dressing down from her, we don't exactly live in the nicest of areas so I'm aware of not pissing anyone off as you don't know how it will escalate.

I'm very upset about it all and just looking for some guidance on what other do so please put the kid gloves on

OP posts:

IncrediblySadToo · 11/07/2019 13:10

Should I go and speak to her and see if we can come to some sort of mutually convenient arrangement with regards to my children playing in the garden? I

Reading g that back does it sound even vaguely reasonable to you?

It bloody well shouldn’t as long S they’re not screaming YOUR CHILDREN can play in YOUR GARDEN whenever suits YOU

9am is late. I appreciate she works shifts but she can it expect all normal & reasonable noise to cease to suit her

I appreciate you don’t want to get in the wrong side if her if she’s a bit rough, but you can’t let her dictate to you

She’d hate it here...we have an a ess path along the back and all the smaller kids are out there on a morning (none of them mine) before school with bikes scooters balls and generally just having a lovely time before & then after) school they’re all around 5/6/7 and don’t come with noise filters fitted so it’s a right racket but I’m up hours before then & I love hearing them playing.

I doubt yours, at their ages, were making much noise anyway ...

Pinktinker · 11/07/2019 13:12

She needs earplugs or to move into a detached home far, far away from any other human. Miserable twat.

9am is absolutely fine.

Seren10 · 11/07/2019 13:15

Your neighbour sounds vile (who screams out of a window anyway!? regardless of what is going on!!)

Two small children live in the house that backs onto my garden, they are often out there early in the morning in the summer playing, I wouldn't dream of saying anything, even though sometimes they wake me up.

What absolute nonsense. But I do understand what you mean about fearing repercussions, it's not nice to live on eggshells or fall out with neighbours, it is no good for my anxiety!

User8888888 · 11/07/2019 13:17

I think from 8 is ok. If before. 9.30 I try and keep mine quote if I can but ultimately you can’t love your life around her shifts.

floribunda18 · 11/07/2019 13:19

9 is fine! Tough shit for her, buy ear plugs. I'd be out there with my lawnmower at nine as well after her initial remarks.

When we were on holiday (in the UK) someone shouted angrily at us to keep the noise down, it's early, at 8.30am one morning when I was outside with the kids. At this point I'd be wrangling them for three hours already and had kept them playing inside until 8.30. To be fair though, the same chap poked his head through the window later in the day and apologised, he had thought it was much earlier in the morning when we came out!

SudowoodoVoodoo · 11/07/2019 13:26

From 8am is fine on a week day. By 8am tradesmen are starting work, most people are up and about going to work/ school etc.

You can't live your life on tenterhooks and tiptoeing around people whose patterns fit beyond the average.

Aprillygirl · 11/07/2019 13:33

Aww OP it's awful that this woman is trying to bully you into not being able to enjoy your own garden. 9am is a perfectly reasonable time for your DC to get out there to play. I work shifts and wear earplugs if I wish to sleep during the day, as she should do. Suggest that to her if she shouts at you again and then ignore the bitch.

MoreSlidingDoors · 11/07/2019 13:36

My DD wouldn’t have been awake at that time until she started school (aged 3). It would have been complaints about her being outside at 9pm in our case (there never were any but our neighbours aren’t generally dicks).

LimitIsUp · 11/07/2019 13:37

She is being pretty unreasonable - her night shift, her problem

MoreSlidingDoors · 11/07/2019 13:37

You can't live your life on tenterhooks and tiptoeing around people whose patterns fit beyond the average.

Yeah, those bloody nurses and doctors and paramedics and police officers spoiling everyone’s fun. How dare they expect to sleep off their night shifts. Who do they think they are?!

serenadoundy · 11/07/2019 13:42

I have a friend who works nights, she gets really annoyed by normal everyday noise. It's a shame that she hasn't realised in her 50+ years that the word, doesn't revolve around her.

Kids playing out at 9am is perfectly reasonable.

nobreakfastforme · 11/07/2019 13:48

9am is perfectly fine during the week, I usually wait until 10am at the weekend (Sunday's especially). There are no other families with small children next to me so I'm aware they might not be up as early as us.

Just the other day my very elderly neighbour commented that she loves hearing toddler DS playing in the garden and I've had my other neighbours say they love to see a child out playing. Obviously I try to never let him scream or shout - sometimes he does though and if he doesn't quieten down quickly I bring him inside.

Your neighbour is ridiculous, carry on as before.

nobreakfastforme · 11/07/2019 13:49

@MoreSlidingDoors so do you suggest no one ever lets their children play outside ever? Or that no one even have a conversation in the street? What about bin collections - what time are they allowed?

FrenchBoule · 11/07/2019 13:52

Take the kids out. in the garden, 9am is perfectly fine. I’m a nightshift worker and my neighbours don’t work around my sleep neither I expect them to accommodate it.

BurnedToast · 11/07/2019 13:57

I've done night shifts and 9am is fine. She needs to get the soft wax earplugs from Boots.

MoreSlidingDoors · 11/07/2019 13:57

@MoreSlidingDoors so do you suggest no one ever lets their children play outside ever? Or that no one even have a conversation in the street? What about bin collections - what time are they allowed?

Where did I say that? If I knew a neighbour was a night shift worker, I would be considerate of them. Indeed, my husband works in call and can be up anytime throughout the night. I don’t go banging about in the kitchen at 7am when he’s potentially been awake all night (on top of his usual day job). I’ve asked one family of neighbours not to beep their horns to signal that they are leaving/arriving home because it is —bloody antisocial— unnecessary and thoughtless.

I can’t control bin collections. But where I can be considerate of others, I am. And as an NHS worker, I’d suggest that if you want emergency services staff who are in a dog state to look after you should you need it at night, that you do the same.

Porky54 · 11/07/2019 13:58

My neighbours girls are out from 7:30 in the week and 7 at the weekends. 9am is a reasonable time she could always close her windows as we do if we are able to have a lay in. I think ignore her your children are entitled to be in their own garden.

MoreSlidingDoors · 11/07/2019 13:58

*fit state

Preggosaurus9 · 11/07/2019 14:03

You waited until 9am, well done! We've been out at 7.30am before which on MN is definitely not allowed. Neighbour needs to close her window and get some white noise and earplugs. Very rude to shout at you and DC like that.

Flamingnora123 · 11/07/2019 14:03

Buy her some decent ear plugs. It's not your problem she works long/night shifts, she needs to work out how to deal with the fact other people have lives and live near her. I used to work shifts, ear plugs and eye masks got me through. It would never even have occurred to me to expect other people to tiptoe around me.

werideatdawn · 11/07/2019 14:05

She's ridiculous. The world doesn't revolve around her night shift. Let them play and ignore the silly cow next time.

ChihuahuaMummy1 · 11/07/2019 14:08

After 9 is for game imo.She could get earplugs

that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 · 11/07/2019 14:10

9am is fine during the week, 10-11 ok at the weekend.

With a nice neighbour, I wouldn't mind working a bit around their shift as long as they are reasonable and friendly.

Theresnoroomonthebroom · 11/07/2019 14:11

YANBU, she is being unreasonable. 9am is a perfectly acceptable time for children to be playing in the garden. Please don’t let her make you feel uncomfortable in your own garden.

YouJustDoYou · 11/07/2019 14:12

Mine are allowed out from 8am but they must be whisper quiet until 9am. And no screaming or shouting allowed until later.

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