Do I need to find someone else?

[Imnotsureanymore]

I've been with DP (both 24) for 2 years but I've know him for around 6. We were friends before and got together at the end of university. I am from the North East and DP is from the South East. After uni, I moved to a city for work which was around 45 minutes from DP who was working and living at home. After getting tired of a flatshare, and my job being long hours, DP agreed that I should move to his hometown and find work in a similar sector- I loved this idea. Dp and I earn the same amount.

I found a great flat, job and although it was very expensive, DP said once he finished his short course he would move in. I didn't worry about the finances too much because thought DP would move in. The rent is exactly half my wages so it is tight.

Dp moved in and things seemed to be going very well. The flat was lovely and we often had friends round socialising. After six weeks of living together, DP who had been saying how great it was, moved out when I was on a work-trip. I came home to the flat empty without his stuff. I was devastated as at the time I had no idea, we were chatting on the phone all lovey dovey with no mention of moving out. It was very cowardly IMO.

We've managed to stay together but its been tough. DP now has hundreds of pounds a week to himself living together while I'm scrimping and barely have 10.00 left a week to live on after bills are paid. I'm trying my hardest to not be resentful but its very tricky. The relationship overall is quite good, we have a lot of trips together and days out and it's very lovey but these are always paid 50/50 with me having to borrow money a lot of the time.

If I discuss my worries with DP, he just says can't you get a better paid job-or move back into a flatshare. His mum also said to me the other day that I should be more gentle with him as he struggles with his worries! Even though she's a SAHM and does everything for him- ironing, cleaning, cooking etc. I've asked him if he thinks he will ever move back in and he just shrugs and says could be three months, could be two years?

Am I just wasting my time? Sorry for the long post and the rant

Surely you can't get over the fact he must have been planning it for a while and discussing it with his parents. So basically lying to you and scheming behind your back. Why the fuck are you still in contact with him let alone in a relationship with him? Just tell him he's not the person you thought he was and move on. No discussion.

Sometimes on here I see threads that make me think ..do you REALLY have to ask that.
This is one of those threads
Dump and move somewhere cheeper

If that was me op I’d move back to your hometown, find another job and cut your losses - all without telling him! See how he likes being in the dark!! Seriously though it’s unfair the way he’s treated you and believe me when I say he will not change. Why would he? He’s got you at his beck and call and when he’s had enough goes home to mummy. Not exactly marriage or father material is he? Be honest.

I'll bet he comes to your flat for a shag, doesn't he? Won't be doing that at mummy's house!

^

My thoughts exactly!

Well... at least you know now that he’s a man child incapable of life away from his mammy

What if you had a mortgage? Or kids! He just decided that he can’t hack it and walks out?

He did not even mention how he was feeling to you, no discussion or conversation he just walked out behind his mam. He wasn’t even man enough to do this right, he didn’t even clear up after himself, his parents did it.

Honestly, how would you ever fancy a man like that enough to want to sleep with him ever again? He’s a total waste of space

In time to come you’ll learn from this and you’ll see this as a positive

Now you need to focus on whatever you can do to keep your head above water for now so that you can get your life back under control

Could someone share the flat with you and help with rent/bills?

Am I just wasting my time?
YEP - he's an utter asshole.
Move back to where it's cheaper and dump his sorry arse.
Let his mummy keep wiping IT and run far and fast.
THE HILLS ARE THAT WAY >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Let me warn you, Men whose parents enable them to be pathetic, sponging, boomerangs don't improve.

HOW did you stay together after his moonlight flit?? That's bonkers. Get rid.

I could see coming to the decision that moving in together was premature, but you want the relationship to continue. You would then have a discussion like adults, possibly with some emotional moments, but you would work through it together. He just up and left!!! Please ovary-up and get rid of this man-child.

You already know the answer to this. Bite the bullet.

The trust would be gone for me. I'd end the relationship, look for a job in your hometown and leave.

I couldn't see a future with a man I have no trust in.

I am fuming on your behalf.

Option 1: Tell him to fuck off and find a flatmate.
Option 2: Tell him to fuck off, find a new, cheaper flat
Option 3: Tell him to fuck off, find a new job in the city, move back to the city.

This, very much this.

The reason I haven't left him is because a lot of the time we do get on very well

You get along well so long as he can do what he likes.

Do you know how to dump someone? Genuine question. Some people tie themselves up in knots with overthinking and fail to just call the person and say "This isn't working for me. I don't want to go into the reasons. It just isn't. It is over. Goodbye. I wish you well for the future."

If my other half moved out of our home while I was away it would be over, even without lumbering me with the financial burden.

It doesn't matter that you get on well most of the time.

What matters is that he's shown you he is selfish, disloyal, spineless, uncaring, deceitful....

Run for the hills, he just isn't at the same level of maturity as you or same stage of life. Find a cheaper flat in the same area or move somewhere else. Yes, there will be upheaval finding a new job and somewhere to live but as you are young with no ties I would go for it. The world is your oyster. This boy is not worth your time, if you stick with him you will be on here in a few years time complaining about your man child oh and overbearing mil. Seriously dump him and move on.

You missed a clue early on. He lived in the town already. He should have got himself a flat then you moved in with him. He never actually wanted to move out from his mum's. You are an adult building your life. He is a manchild living a teenager's life. Get rid.

Yes! Yes! Yes! You deserve so much better!

mussolini9 gave some brilliant advice.

Read it!!!!

I can't believe you are still with him after he dumped you in it by sneakily leaving you while you were away. He didn't want to upset you? He means he didn't want to see the upset he caused. Personally I'd get a job and a place back home then move without telling him and ghost the fucker.

He's never going to change if people put up with his bs.

I just can't get beyond the fact that you're still together,despite him moving out without saying a word to you while you were away!

Jesus wept! 🤦🏻‍♀️ He did a midnight flit and you took him back?

You need to get rid, move on and set your standards much, much higher than this arsehole.

I hope the OP’s silence indicates she is away dumping him tae fuck.

🙏

I can’t believe you have so little self esteem you took him back?! Dump this sorry excuse, get a flat mate so you’re not struggling so much and enjoy your twenties.

Please don’t tie yourself to this pathetic specimen.