I arranged a night out with friends but dh had already rsvp'd to a wedding (evening) invitation

[Cockadoodledooo]

As above really. Dh mentioned months ago we'd been invited to the evening do for one of his colleagues 'in July', and he wanted to check I wasn't working. I checked my rota and I wasn't, so agreed, potentially (I've had health issues so was no way able to guarantee attendance) to go. I instantly forgot the date and he didn't write it on our wall planner, but it was in his diary. He would be the only person I know there, I've never met the bride or groom.

Anyway, last week I had some really good news re my health (have been poorly since January but hugely improved in last few weeks). I shared this with my friends who have been uber supportive of me during this time and one suggested a night out (just dinner, I'm too old for clubbing and not well enough for alcohol). Friend suggested 3 possible dates this week, out of the 3 I knew i could do 2, but checked with dh there was nothing I'd forgotten (memory issues have been a thing) and he said no, and that he was pleased I was going out. We picked this Saturday, there are around 6 of us going.

Tonight dh has said he's looking forward to going to the evening do with me. On Saturday.

He remembers our conversation re checking dates, and that he said we had nothing on, but is upset that I'm not willing to cancel from a dinner which has basically been arranged for me.

AIBU to send him on his own to the evening do?

To be honest as it’s an evening do I’d let dh go on his own. He should’ve been more organised and let you know rather than just agree later realising. If it was a sit down meal I’d probably say wedding but the B&G won’t be losing any money and you won’t be taking up a space.

I'd probably go with my dh if this happened. There wasn't anything stopping you putting it on your wall calendar either so yab slightly unreasonable. Get a joint calendar app for your phones to avoid this in future

I'm afraid I'd rearrange your friends. The wedding is a prior commitment, it got missed out of the diary, it happens.

Re-arrange with your friends as the date is not set in stone. Your DH's colleague's wedding date is set in stone.

You were both remiss in not putting it on the wall planner.

I'd go our with friends!

I don’t see this as a big problem and I’d just rearrange my friend. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don’t understand why it’s your husband’s sole responsibility to put the event in a wall calendar. He asked you in advance and you said you would go. You have then forgotten and made other plans. Of course you should cancel and stick to what you originally said!

The wedding can't be rearranged, the friends can, so do that.

Alternatively could you do lunch with friends and then go to wedding?

Why can’t you just get a babysitter?

Your DH told you the date, checked with you & put it in his diary. You didn’t. You are coming up with reasons why your night is more important. The right thing to do is to stick what you had arranged to do first.

I don't see why there is a problem. Your friends can go on 3 different days this week so just pick another day or go next week. You've already agreed to go to the wedding with your DP so you should just go. Sounds like you're looking for excuses not to go tbh

I would rearrange your friends, if your DH has rsvp'd that you are both coming to the evening do, the bride and groom may well have had to pay for you. I have just booked my wedding and we pay for each evening do guest (for the food)

The wedding was a prior engagement that got missed off the diary (your fault as much as his) so the right thing to do would be to rearrange your dinner.

It’s nit like they can reschedule the wedding to suit you.

Sounds like you just don’t want to go to the wedding and are trying to justify it to yourself.

Also, Why can’t you just get a babysitter? Eh?

Why the humphy face about getting a babysitter?! Too weird. It’s the obvious solution

Babysitter for who?

Non issue - he goes out with his mates, you go out with yours.

Swift what's a babysitter got to do with anything?

If you go to the reception given your health, albeit improved, is your DH going to get a bit sniffy if you feel like you need to leave halfway through the evening? An evening out socialising with people you don't know is going to be exhausting and not as relaxed with a group of supportive friends who probably wouldn't bat an eyelid if you said you needed to go home.

Where are DC mentioned in the OP?

Sorry skim read. Just go to separate events. We have twice had to go to weddings on our own due to date clash

The OP mentions sending him on his own to the evening do while she goes out to the dinner with friends so I don't think there is any need for a babysitter. The issue is whether she goes with her DH to the wedding evening do or with her friends to dinner (while DH goes to evening do alone)

Get a shared calendar online. Dh puts his stuff on a google shared calendar so I can see when he’s out/we have stuff on.

A work colleague’s evening do that he forgot about when you asked if you were free to go out with your friends? It sounds awful but is your DH going to make a big deal of it if you don’t go?

I think you are both being massively unreasonable

1. you agreeing to go to the wedding in the first place when you were in “no way able to guarantee attendance”. I bet the people organising the wedding would be delighted at that
2. your dh for not putting it in the diary
3. for you trying to ignore standard etiquette and honour the prior engagement.

Congratulations on your health BTW 🎉

but the B&G won’t be losing any money and you won’t be taking up a space.

They might; we have to pay for evening food for our guests by the person, and we're finding drinks so the venue works them out per person too. So we will lose money if people don't come (although I fully expect some won't...)

I'd go to the wedding because it's not movable and your dinner is, and your friends should understand. It's just rearranging!