I arranged a night out with friends but dh had already rsvp'd to a wedding (evening) invitation

[Cockadoodledooo]

As above really. Dh mentioned months ago we'd been invited to the evening do for one of his colleagues 'in July', and he wanted to check I wasn't working. I checked my rota and I wasn't, so agreed, potentially (I've had health issues so was no way able to guarantee attendance) to go. I instantly forgot the date and he didn't write it on our wall planner, but it was in his diary. He would be the only person I know there, I've never met the bride or groom.

Anyway, last week I had some really good news re my health (have been poorly since January but hugely improved in last few weeks). I shared this with my friends who have been uber supportive of me during this time and one suggested a night out (just dinner, I'm too old for clubbing and not well enough for alcohol). Friend suggested 3 possible dates this week, out of the 3 I knew i could do 2, but checked with dh there was nothing I'd forgotten (memory issues have been a thing) and he said no, and that he was pleased I was going out. We picked this Saturday, there are around 6 of us going.

Tonight dh has said he's looking forward to going to the evening do with me. On Saturday.

He remembers our conversation re checking dates, and that he said we had nothing on, but is upset that I'm not willing to cancel from a dinner which has basically been arranged for me.

AIBU to send him on his own to the evening do?

After reading your update I've changed my mind & say go to the meal with your friends.
Also if II was the bride in this situation I wouldn't mind & would say considering your health issues & the fact I've not met you, go to your meal with friends.

I'm sorry about your health issues

That said if someone RSPV'd "maybe" for my wedding due to serious health issues and then I found out they'd actually been out with their mates instead I'd be pretty pissed off.

Even if it was your colleague's wife who you'd never met and you'd only invited to the evening do?
Surely you could find more important things to care about on your wedding day

Nope, guests being rude on my wedding day is definitely something I'd have managed to care about. HTH

Her DH already told the bride that she probably wouldn't be coming anyway... not seeing any problem.

This morning I got a letter with the words "suspected lung cancer" in big bold type. I've never felt less like socialising with anyone, let alone being 'on show' for a first meeting with dh's colleagues. I've not moved from my bed yet and to be honest am considering full on hibernation until my appointment on Friday morning.
Dh has told me that I must go out with my friends and insisted I don't stay home and wallow, he will go to the evening do solo.

Havent read the full thread but OP you need to rearrange. There is absolutely no reason why you cant have your dinner another time ffs.

Oh OP, I'm sorry. I get why you want to stay in bed but it sounds like your friends are good ones so maybe it will help?

Why would you get a letter? You'd have a phone call from your clinician primarily, surely?

RTFT or at least OPs post above your own Tallgreenbottle

Definitely go see your friends tonight. It’ll help you to feel loved for a bit.

Tall do you need to see the letter? Are you disbelieving? It's a hell of a set up to get out of going to something, being sick for 6 months and having multiple chest xrays and scans isn't it?!

My GP told me on Thursday I'd get a letter, but I already had a call from the consultant's secretary yesterday with an appointment. I've had multiple conversations about it but never seen it written down and it has thrown me. A lot. But fine, you go ahead and think badly of me, no skin off my nose 🤷‍♀️

Go see your freinds
You need to have good time with freinds .

I agree that it’s odd you got a letter that says ‘suspected lung cancer’. Cancer diagnosis (even suspected ones) are given in person or over the phone if you are far from the consultant.

Your husband should have remembered the date when you asked. But I also think you should go for be wedding. Not because of bride and groom but because to your husband. If you husband is indifferent about going alone the that's fine, it sounds like he wants you to go there with him. I just had a row with my bf about attending an event and I'm.now getting the silent treatment. So I might be projecting. I hate going to these things alone when I'm in a relationship.

Just saw the update. Never mind.

We didn't find out about DH lung cancer till we saw a LC specialist but did have letters stating chest nodes enlarged, but our diagnosis from tests was only a couple of weeks so no time for a letter !

I’d go with DH. Regardless of anything else, you told him you’d go

Health issues aside, it boils down, to you something better has come up and you want to go out with your friends rather than the evening do you accepted the invite to and forgot the date of.

If the wedding evening do was a close friend you wouldn't have thought twice about it and would have gone to it once you realised you have double booked.

The bride/groom don't care if you are there or not as they don't know you, so the only person you are letting down is your dh, if he is surrounded by work colleagues he probably wont be too concerned if you are not there either.

Its poor etiquette to accept an invitation and then not go because you have a better offer but, in this case, as long as your dh is still going I would get them a nice present and not lose any sleep over not going.

Gosh why would you go to wedding evening do with only person you know is DH when your friends have organised a celebration dinner for you.

Oh OP
Please ignore the nunbskulls who didn't even bother to read all your posts before imparting their "wisdom"
I hope you do go out with your friends tonight, I'm sure it would do you good.