Most people are evenly matched to their partner in the looks department?

[TwinkleWings]

And I know beauty is very much in the eye of the beholder and not the be all and end all, people's personalities make them more attractive etc etc but AIBU in thinking that the majority of couples are around the same level of attractiveness? So super hot woman would more than likely have a super hot husband and on the other end of the spectrum an "ugly" man would have an "ugly" wife? (for what it's worth I don't think there are many people in the world that are on either end of this spectrum. Most of us sit somewhere in the middle. Also have used the word ugly in speech marks because I don't really like using it)

Do you think that is true for your relationship? I do for mine. We're not bad the pair of us - neither would make a model but I'm fairly happy with my features and I would say DH was with his. I'd say we were very evenly matched and people wouldn't be shocked that we were a couple.

Occasionally, I've met couples and been so shocked that they are together because one of them will be much more attractive than the other (disclaimer before people jump on me!! I KNOW this is wrong and would NEVER vocalise this to anyone but we ALL think like this, it's completely normal!)

So, AIBU!?

When you reach middle age though, one of the couple will usually look a lot better than the other.In my friendship group, the females all look great, the males are overweight, pot bellied, bald, wear glasses and tend to look older and miserable

Sounds like us. I'm miserable, look older and wear glasses. Always have though. However, I'm not bald, pot bellied or overweight and my wife is a lot younger than me, so has an unfair advantage.

AINBU but I am a bit worried the question is too honest for much of the audience to cope with

Where I am from (macho culture) where it's incredibly rare for a handsome man to be with a woman who wasn't equally matched or even more model-like.

I had pleasant culture shock in UK. It isn't just in terms of weight, but also unmatched in faces and glamour. But still most pairings are matched at young age.

I don’t know, my partner is extremely good looking and he was a model for a while, I’m no ugly duckling, but I’m not a ten.

In terms of middle age looks a lot depends on lifestyle. The professional men and women i know and see in their 50’s and 60’s generally look fabulous.

The 40 year old who did my boiler and woman serving me in the chippe the other day whose lives are possibly fuelled by booze fags and kebabs - not so much!

I think we are evenly matched looks wise although dh has beautiful hazel eyes but I have a better nose. He is a foot taller than me though and still as slim as when we met. I am not.The best thing about him is his personality, it makes me come out of myself and he is in general a joy to be around. Most couples I know are evenly matched though looks wise. My cousin is getting married soon and she is very slim with slim features and very shy whereas her husband to be is chubby but has a beautiful face and personality. I think it all evens out.

If we are out and I’m all dolled up, people will always tell DP he’s punching

It is a very different story when I’m at home with no make up on and my hair shoved off my face - I am definitely punching in that case!

My partner is definitely better looking than me, I've got skin problems, a large nose and slightly droopy eyes whilst I think he's got more of a glow to himself and any weight he gains is carried really well because he's a tall broad kinda guy.

I have better teeth though....

My partner is more attractive than me and also takes better care of his looks. However I have had much more luck with my love life over the years. I've never been short of offers (although spent a long time single as wasn't interested).

Naa my husband is a definite 10/10 - he’s very attractive. I’m OK too but nothing on him looks wise.

I've thought about this before, its interesting! I think its hard to judge with me though - I'm still very youthful (23) and I'm one for doing my hair and make up properly everytime I leave the house. I do try and make myself look as good as I can and personally I think I manage okay! Whereas on a day where I don't go out and I'm running round after the toddler and I'm recovering from morning sickness I reckon I look god awful.
But DH, who I've always thought was attractive and my 'type', doesn't change his appearance from one day to the other. Whether he's going to work, going out for the evening or staying in his pyjamas all day his changes are minor (mostly just his clothes really). Whereas mine are much more extreme I think!

This applies to most couples I know. Not that it matters I’m sure I’ve read somewhere that we’re programmed to be attracted to people who are on a similar level? I also notice a lot of people I know go for similar build to themselves. My friends who are quite big friends aren’t generally attracted to guys that are “too slim” whereas I love exercise and am attracted to DH who is also into exercise.

However a very close friend was recently told by her DHs friend that everyone thought she was “punching” with him. Firstly that was unbelievably vile of them to say that and secondly it’s so not true! It’s really knocked her confidence.

I don’t know if this is going to sound awful but I have always wondered if my partner wasn’t so good looking whether he would have appreciated me more. He has told me millions of times that he can have anyone he wants (he isn’t very nice, I know) and knowing how charming he can be, I have kind of believed him. It has made me feel a bit inferior even though I have been told many times how beautiful/good looking I am by friends and acquaintances. Anyway, I know looks are only one part of being attractive but my partner has always used his looks to get what he wants and if he didn’t have that weapon I wonder if he might have seen me and everything I have done for him in a more positive light. Generally I think couples are fairly equal, but if I get my chance again I would want to plump for a 6 or 7/10 with a great personality rather than a 9/10 any day.

I've dated two absolute stunners and been in a relationship with a few average men, too.

I mostly vary between a 7 and an 8, depending on my weight (without wanting to sound big-headed, I am very pretty and young-looking), and the men I've been with range from around a 5 to a 9. So not miles out, I'd think.

Best man I've been with - and who won my hand in the end - was the guy who crudely told me as long as he can still find my bits he doesn't care one ounce if I am overweight or not. He has seen and been with me through anything from anorexic to very overweight, from seeing me all made up and glamorous to watching me piss myself and covered in vomit (my own and the kids'). I'm sure my attractiveness varied greatly during those periods.

But in general I think we're more matched up in personality. I draw the looks of others and he did struggle with that for a while. But I'd never let him go again, regardless if he turned into a mass of blubber or if he stopped shaving altogether.

Yep - this phenomenon is well researched in the scientific literature and is basically true.

Obviously not everyone does this and some people will end up mismatched, but all other things being equal, people people tend to match up on looks.

DH is lovely, and will be an excellent silver fox when he goes grey.

I'm a proper moose.

Nope. DH is stunning, always has been. (Dammit he’s even got better in the thirty years we’ve been together.) I’m mediocre at best. He adores me though, and I him.

He’s also smarter than I am (and I have an academic Masters degree), nicer and funnier too.

Nah, of the couples I know most of the women are better looking or evenly matched, except me and dp (who is gorgeous).

I'd gone out with nondescript looking men and head-turners and generally the former were better partners. Except DH who is gorgeous and lovely.

Really? MrsTP I found the opposite to be true. Every man I've met who said they were 'punching' has been an enormous flirt.

I know a lot of couples where the wife is very attractive and the husband very wealthy.

It’s an odd thing. I see lots of couples both separately and together
Sometimes people look like they belong together - a matching pair
And sometimes opposites attract

YABU, this is not the case for many couples at all. Jay Z and Beyonce if you want a famous example...

I do hate all this grading of beauty by numbers...oh he's a 10...she's a 6. Reminds me of the vile boys at high school.
I guess yanbu op but i think of it as more rock chics will be more attracted to rockers than essex gym types and vice versa.
However i know several big people who have slim partners etc.

Nah I've well punched above my weight. Dp is gorgeous, lean, dark haired, ever so slightly sinewy, bright blue eyes and dark hair and a couple of very sexy scars.

I'm short and dumpy with glasses and bad skin.

Most of the couples I know though the women are considerably better looking

Most of the couples I’ve seen the woman was the better looking partner right up until they reached their 40s, if it changes it’s usually because they haven’t aged well. Never seen a couple totally evenly matched in looks UNLESS the man is considered handsome

See I would say dp is more attractive than me.

He says I am way out of his league and he cant believe he bagged me.

Objectively, do may not be the most classically handsome man but there is something really sexy about him. First time I met him, he 3as in the morning of my bills living room. I didnt even notice him till someone mentioned him. He stood a bit straighter and I thought he was ok.

As I was leaving he was in the garden he made a joke and smiled and I was blown away. Everytime I see him, I am amazed by how sexy he is. The way he walks, everything. His eyes are amazing and he can give me fanny gallops by just looking at me.

Also helps that he is incredibly sweet as well.

I scrub up well. But in general day to day life I would say I feel less than average and very awkward.

But today I have no make up on, havent even brushed my hair having a bad anxiety day and he walked in the kitchen, spun me round and kissed me and told me how lovely I looked this morning. I didnt. But it's nice to hear.

Exh wouldnt have noticed if I have have notice wether I put any effort in or not.

I think it's generally true that partners tend to be of like levels of attractiveness.
I agree with pp who said that a very good looking man will rarely "grade down" to an uglier partner. Whereas good looking women will factor in personality, charisma, success/power and money. As mercenary as it sounds women are biologically programmed to seek not only good genes but a good provider as father to their children.

Some people age better than others and that can't be predicted. I'd say my husband was really good looking in his youth (a rung or two above me though I had make up to help me out Haha). He's now late 50s and rather overweight, thinning hair (still gorgeous to me of course) whereas I'm still quite hot. I seem to have grown into my looks and now have a proper figure (was very skinny until 40). Not sure how long that will last though, I'll enjoy it while it does ... my husband is 14 years older than me so maybe the tables will turn again.