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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask out the headmaster?

553 replies

brotown · 10/07/2019 12:53

Ds has a week left in the school.
No idea if he's got a girlfriend
I dreamt about him and can't stop thinking about him.

OP posts:
Original poster
brotown · 16/07/2019 22:47

It’s not easy when all the parents have been friends for years
I’ve really tried, and most of them say hello, but no-one has ever approached me when I’m on my own. There’s one mum, our boys are good mates.

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 16/07/2019 23:12

It's so hard to break into cliques as an outsider. Hopefully high school will be a new start.

TanMateix · 16/07/2019 23:16

He would be fried alive if he accepts your invitation. It would be totally inappropriate to accept. Don’t do it.

Besides, if he is so lovely, he might have a partner at home and kids.

AlunWynsKnee · 17/07/2019 00:39

I hear you :( We joined the school late, have no local family and dd is autistic so we never got a footing. Every event was excruciating.

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 04:01

Besides, if he is so lovely, he might have a partner at home and kids.

That's really no reason not to try, until you know. Otherwise, no one would ever ask out anyone, on the bass that they might have a partner and kids at home.

BlackCatSleeping · 17/07/2019 04:23

To be honest, it sounds like you are a bit lonely and maybe projecting too much on this man just because he's been nice to you. Flowers

I really don't think it's a good idea to ask him out.

How about trying online dating or just expanding your social circle?

I'm sure there is a lovely man out there who is actually looking for a girlfriend.

Original poster
brotown · 17/07/2019 09:39

It’s not about finding a man and I honestly couldn’t think of anything worse than online dating.
I’m not particularly lonely, I like my own company and most people get on my nerves!
It’s the support
I was more upset last night because my mum usually comes to these events and she let me down. She’s got a lot on her plate and I’m the last on her list.
I’ve moved ‘for the family support’ and honestly no-one has done anything for us. I think everyone just thinks that I’m very capable and usually I am, but it hurts when you realise that no-one is thinking about you. It really hurts when I think that no-one will go out of their way to do anything for my son. He lost his father
And I can count on one hand the amount of dh’s friends that have been in touch. Our friends together.

OP posts:
NoSauce · 17/07/2019 09:44

How long ago did you lose your DH, OP?
It’s a sad fact that many people, including family think that if you’re coping day to day after a bereavement that you’re doing well and that they can carry on with their own lives and the support dwindles.

Can you talk to your mum and explain that you’re struggling?

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 09:44

OP, have you tried telling your family clearly what support you need? It would be nice if they offered but sometimes you need to be explicit.

Sorry, I didn’t realise you had lost your husband and son lost his dad Flowers

HeadintheiClouds · 17/07/2019 09:46

You sound very vulnerable right now, op. You won’t be making good decisions right now, so hold fire

HeadintheiClouds · 17/07/2019 09:50

Otherwise, no one would ever ask out anyone, in the bass that they might have a partner and kids at home
That makes no sense, Sag. What people do, is to make sure there isn’t a partner and family in the background before blundering in. It’s really not hard to make sure you know the lie of the land first.

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 09:54

Head, no one has suggested OP’s blunders in.

Unlike many, I give OP the benefit of thinking she is switched on and pretty smart. She’s not going to ask a taken man out on a date. She already knows he’s not married and has no kids so it’s not going to be difficult for her to find out if he has a girlfriend. I don’t know why people are treating the OP like a concussed duckling.

NoSauce · 17/07/2019 09:55

I wish people would have read the thread before urging the OP to ask the head out. The OP is in a vulnerable place right now which is one of the reasons I didn’t think it was a good idea. If the head had rejected her how much worse would she have felt?

Like I said way up thread this is a real person here, it’s so easy for people to glibly say yeah do it what’ve you got to lose.

HeadintheiClouds · 17/07/2019 09:57

Oh, I missed that she knew he wasn’t married and had no kids, sorry. Still think she should just find out about the girlfriend (or not) before giving it too much more headspace. It’s the next logical step.

BlackCatSleeping · 17/07/2019 10:00

He’s probably gay...

ElsieMc · 17/07/2019 10:05

You sound so nice op, he would be the lucky one. I didn't realise until you mentioned widows/widowers that you had lost your dh. You must be doing a wonderful job because your ds sounds great as well. I do hope he is coping well.

For me, I think the Head has been kind to you at a time you are feeling somewhat vulnerable and your family support has not been what you had hoped. At first when you are bereaved people rally round, but sadly after a while they think you are coping well and tend to drift away. Sad but true, it is a time when you find out who your real friends are and it is an eye opener and a painful one.

I am a very cautious person and for this reason I would not ask him out. This is because of self-protection. I just don't think you would take a knock back well even though you say you don't have to see him again. That said, those on here who say go for it are also right. I am a glass empty and they are a glass half full. Just look after yourself.

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 10:10

@BlackCatSleeping

No idea if you’re trying to be supportive but your posts are coming across as quite sly...

To be honest, it sounds like you are a bit lonely and maybe projecting too much on this man just because he's been nice to you.

I'm sure there is a lovely man out there who is actually looking for a girlfriend.

He’s probably gay...

How do you know this man isn’t looking for a GF?

NoSauce · 17/07/2019 10:18

How do you know this man isn’t looking for a GF?

We don’t. But as a headteacher I would take a wild guess that a vulnerable widow wouldn’t be at the top of his list.

BlackCatSleeping · 17/07/2019 10:20

Ok, the OP is an adult. If she really thinks it’s a good idea to ask him out, then she should go for it.

I don’t mean to sound sly, but the reality is that sometimes people fixate on people for the wrong reasons when they are feeling down about stuff. They fixate on the kind doctor who was sympathetic or the school teacher who has been helpful. I don’t think it’s a good idea to cross that line though.

The OP knows him in a professional basis. It’s never a good idea to date one of your kids teachers.

I also think he sounds like a very professional and private man. So, I’m not sure he would be interested in dating the mother of one of his pupils.

So, my opinion is that it’s a bad idea. Others say it’s a good idea. The OP asked for opinions. I really wasn’t trying to be unpleasant. I’m sorry if I came across that way.

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 10:21

@NoSauce

I think you have completely mis-read OP’s character and that she’s made of sterner stuff than you think.

You telling her that she wouldn’t be top of the list of choices for a headteacher is really bizarre. You know nothing about OP or the headteacher beyond what OP has posted here.

NoSauce · 17/07/2019 10:24

Neither you do. I can see she’s in a vulnerable place though having lost her husband and feeling like she’s got no support, how you can keep ignoring that is beyond me.

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 10:24

@BlackCatSleeping thanks for clarifying. I agree we’re all just giving our opinions and I certainly haven’t urged OP one way or another, just tried to explain that I think it would not be inappropriate for OP to pursue this if she wants to.

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 10:29

@NoSauce I haven’t ignored OP’s need for support, I’ve suggested that she makes her needs clear to her family.

Yes OP has lost her husband but we don’t know when it was, time heals alot of wounds, and she may feel ready to think about dating again. That doesn’t make her vulnerable. I don’t think OP is fixating on the HT as some do. She’s simply seen someone she likes and because her child is leaving school she has the option of asking the guy out if she wants to.

NoSauce · 17/07/2019 10:35

The OP may not be fixating in the headteacher but you certainly are. Why, I don’t understand.

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 10:37

That’s really uncalled for, @NoSauce

Can you articulate why I’m fixated on the HT?

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