To ask out the headmaster?

[brotown]

Ds has a week left in the school.
No idea if he's got a girlfriend
I dreamt about him and can't stop thinking about him.

Someone said above in some schools teacher aren't allowed to date parents for five years after the child has left!, I think that's ridiculous, especially if you lived in a small town.

I don't see the harm personally as long as they are not humping in the playground.

Is he overly friendly with everyone though OP? Women would fawn over the only male at my dd's primary.

"unable to date a parent of/a student, or parent of/past student who left within the previous 5 years."

Where’s that from Oblomov?

@SagAloojah in netiquette terms that is shouting in an attempt to hector people into changing their minds - in my opinion.

I also don't see why you shouldn't in this scenario. But if you can find the time and place to ask him out, you can find ten seconds to proceed it with "can I ask are you involved with anyone" or "do you never bring your partner to these events" if he says yes I'm involved o, laugh it off and say that's a shame, if he says, oh she doesn't want to come, say that's understandable, it's all work, if he says no partner, say well you have my number, text me if you fancy a drink sometime.

I'm also with @SagAloojah - not only does it come across as rather sexist you've also got to consider the fact that it would probably be much more inappropriate for the Headmaster to pursue a pupils parent than it would for the parent to express an interest in them. He might be trying to stay professional. Maybe he would be shocked as she has not let on that she's in any way interested either.

And no one here is doing this for their own entertainment! The OP has clearly stated she really fancies him! She is asking for opinions as to wether she should.
People are giving their viewpoints. In the end the OP has autonomy over her own actions and will do as she pleases.

And I am not intending for my capitals to be translated as shouting ... I'm trying to make a very clear point about something as it feels like posters almost don't consider the fact there will indeed be no more reason for contact between OP and the headmaster from now on. It's not as if they will see each other at school/in the playground. There is no need for the awkwardness as they can literally go their separate ways and never see each other again.

No I don’t think it would have been ok for him to express an interest but given that the OP said she thinks he would be very shocked if she did ask him out I perceive this as him not being interested in the OP in a romantic capacity.

But that’s for OP and this man to work out together. If we were all too afraid to do anything for fear of rejection then we would never do anything.

A headmaster is a pretty safe choice.

This is a real human being that’s already suffered greatly, people should bear that in mind before willing her to ask this headteacher out for their own amusement.

For goodness sake, it's asking him out, not asking for his hand in marriage.

And as for the five year thing, I think thr poster made that up.

Yes; you yourself! You asked straight you why it isn't a good idea and your use of the phrase ''pearl clutching'' for those who do gives away how you feel.

@Laiste no, I totally get why some people would never do this, that’s fine. In no way are they pearl clutchers. But some people are going way overboard saying it breaches boundaries, OP is putting herself at risk etc

@NoSauce

Should she never take a risk again for fear of further suffering?! What is it that worries you most? What is the worst case scenario here as you see it?

Because for me , worst case - he says no. She feels disappointed for 10 minutes then laughs later with her friends. The ground won't actually swallow her.

No sauce, I was only quoting a pp.

I absolutely think the seperate note in the thankcard is the way to go. Be up front, tell him you’ d like to meet for a drink one evening. He’ll either bin it or call you, but at least you’ll know. And if he bins it you’ll never set eyes on him again so neither of you will have cause to be embarrassed.

SagAloojah - I totally get why some people would never do this, that’s fine. In no way are they pearl clutchers. But some people are going way overboard saying it breaches boundaries,

So ... what are the non 'overboard' reasons which you totally get and are fine?

Bloody hell you lot!!

It’s ok, it won’t break my heart if he says no for whatever reason.
And honestly, if it doesn’t feel right I’m not saying anything

@Laiste Some people may not choose to date HM because it’s a stressful job, s/he is never able to switch off, it people will stop him/her in town for a chat about the school or their child, s/he has to be seen as perfect all the time etc.

Actually chuckled at that. I really really don't think any of those reasons are what the OP was concerned with when she posted:

Ds has a week left in the school.
No idea if he's got a girlfriend
I dreamt about him and can't stop thinking about him.
I’ve had about 5/6 meetings with him. Dc not been at the school for long. He’s v friendly, chatty, talks about personal stuff. Very easy to talk to.Professional. Big hello when he’s sees me.
He’s a very approachable guy.
I feel some sort of connection

She wasn't fretting about his workload or how to mingle with the masses.

@brotown this thread seems to be getting a bit derailed.

I'm sure you're not the fragile weak person some PPS seem to think. I personally don't think there's anything wrong with it as your son will no longer be a pupil at the school and if you fancy him enough I'd leave a note and see what happens .

Whatever you decide I'm sure you'll be perfectly fine either way.

I wasn’t talking about the OP, @Laise , you asked for ‘reasons which you totally get or are fine’, not for OP’s reasons.

Five or six meetings with the headmaster when your son has not been at the school very long?? What’s that about, op, did you orchestrate these meetings yourself or were you called in?

Isn’t the preferred term headteacher or is the Head a sort of Mr Chips?

No one wants OP to ask him out for their own entertainment , it’s because life is too short not to do these things if you’ve got the balls for it and if he’s not interested then you don’t waste time on what ifs. I hope you go for it - good luck! x

Does it actually matter, NoTheresa?

I think I'd find out if he's straight and single first before considering any next steps

OP, I would hand this man a gift and card on the last day of school. Inside the card, I would place a friendly note saying that you very much enjoyed talking to him and ask if he would like to meet for a coffee or drink sometime, with your number included. Nothing sleazy or pushy at all. It then is up to him whether to get in touch. Waiting until the term is finished, shows respect for professional boundaries and means neither of you have to be embarrassed.

headintheclouds- I met him a couple of times when ds was joining- original meeting, then a tour, then assessment day. He helps with the interview process for senior school and he’s available at parents evenings. Had one chat when ds wasn’t happy. I’m not up there all the time or being called on for ds’s behaviour!
He says he’s ‘delighted’ with ds. He’s a good pupil, kind and a bit of a character.

Also doubt the waiting 5 years thing is true. Doesn't make sense. We're talking about 2 adults here.