AIBU to make my DD continue swimming lessons that she hates?

[NoAngel1]

My DD is 6. She goes swimming weekly and it started off well but she’s gradually starting to dislike her lessons. The main issue is that she can’t stand going under water. She swims well on her back. The instructor has been really patient and has been trying to build her confidence up.

When I ask her outright she says she likes her lesson and teacher and wants to continue. But on swimming day, from the moment I collect her from school, she’s an absolute nightmare, having tantrums over the smallest thing and I’ve worked out that it’s her anxiety of going swimming. Sometimes she cries and says ‘I don’t like bubbles’ (blowing bubbles underwater) but that’s as much as she actually says!

I need to re-enrol next week if we continue in September. AIBU to make her continue until she’s a better swimmer or would you just leave it?

My dd almost 7 hates swimming lessons, been going for 3 years and still hates putting head under water!

I stick with it as it's a life skill, until she can swim confidently I'd persevere.

I'd make her. Any other activity I'd happily drop but swimming is an important life skill. Also if she's developing a fear of water she needs to overcome it.

Usually I'd say let her stop, but swimming is so important I'd persevere.

Is there a different class/teacher who would be able to get her interested?

DS1 had one to one lessons and now DD and DS2 are having them, because I really do feel that being able to swim is an important thing to learn.

I would make her. Never had proper swimming lessons as a child, learned as an adult but have never really got confident and hate going out of my depth.

Is there a weekly treat you could organise for afterwards? I made mine go to the end of level 6. After that it was their choice.

I used to teach swimming and some children really benefit from a few months 1:1 - is that something you could consider? I don't consider swimming optional so wouldn't stop until they're strong, confident swimmers .

Does she go swimming any time other than lessons? I agree with the others that lessons are important. However, so is just spending time in the pool. Without the pressure of lessons and doing what the instructor is asking her.

What part of going underwater does she not like? If it's getting her hair wet, the swim caps take care of that, if she doesn't like getting water in her ears, perhaps some wax ear plugs and/or an ear band, if its water going up the nose, maybe a nose clip. Discuss with the swimming instructor, and try some of them out. It could be that she is actually experience discomfort or even pain when she puts her head under water.

OP, are her lessons at weekends or after school? I had swimming lessons after school when I was a little bit older than that and remember tantrumming and being a nightmare for my poor mum. For me a bit part of it was tiredness - swimming really takes it out of you, even as a boisterous child, and if it’s after school I think it can be tricky to manage that unless you have a very judicious schedule of snacks (pre- and post-swim) and dinner.

I’d drop the formal lessons and get her confidence back by taking her swimming myself.

I might try "once you can do it properly and, you can stop lessons" to encourage her to progress?

Take a break, this is only going to exacerbate her anxiety. I agree swimming is an important skill but it sounds like she can in fact swim. Maybe look into 121 for the start of term and just enjoy family fun trips to the pool til then.

Non-negotiable for me. The kids have to know how to swim. English literature, algebra or piano lessons won't save their lives but swimming could. I had all my kids in lessons and at some point they all wanted to stop and vegans to kick off a bit about it. We only cancelled their lessons once they reached the last level and we're learning race techniques and swimming mermaid style. Neither one necessary unless they wanted.
DS (7) has progressed to the top but wants to keep going so I'll let him.

I'd give her a break from lessons, but carry on taking her swimming with a view to starting up again in the future.
I arranged for my reluctant DS to go swimming with his best friend, they did a crash course then started weekly lessons together, DS now loves swimming.

I’m in the same boat and my DS has been having swimming lessons for nearly 2 years now.
I’m persevering with it. He’s better than he used to be, still not swimming independently but he’ll jump in now holding the instructors hand which is massive progress for him. He also doesn’t cry in lessons anymore.
I’ve told him when he can swim on his own without a fin or any aids then we can stop the lessons.

Mine loathed lessons for the first year. We perservered, they overcame their fear of putting their face in the water and it was fine after that.

It’s non negotiable in my house.

Dc1 loves swimming and has worked really hard at it.

Dc2 hates it.

I’ve told them both it’s non negotiable, they will learn to swim. It’s important as we spend a lot of time at the beach during the summer holidays.

I’ve allowed mine to do an extra activity they want.

It's not worth traumatising her any further. Its highly unlikely she'll ever need to swim. Or maybe leave it a couple of years and try again?

I agree with pp that after school tiredness could play a role here. Do a local pool have a weekend lesson?

Its highly unlikely she'll ever need to swim

Seriously? Swimming is also about learning how to be safe in and around water. So sure scrap the swimming if you're sure your child will never go to the beach, on holiday with a pool, go pond dipping, walk next to a stream, go on a boat?

I’d actually leave it for a while.
Take her swimming yourself every now and then and make it fun. Get her used to just playing in the water and realising that swimming isn’t horrible and stressful then go back to lessons.
I did this with my dc because he wasn’t enjoying it at that age and now swims really well.

Unless you live near open water like an unfenced swimming pool or something, stop the lessons. Honestly- it really isn’t worth distressing her over. Try and take her to the pool for fun as often as you can, then maybe lessons again next year.

It’s a non negotiable in our house, it’s a life skill not a hobby. DS doesn’t particularly enjoy lessons although he loves swimming for fun.

Moving the lessons to a weekend morning instead of after school made all the difference in behaviour before, during and after the lessons though. He was foul when it was an after school lesson, now he just grumbles a bit on a Saturday morning.

Is it worth looking in your local area to see if there's any one to one lessons around? A friend's DS was absolutely awful over swim club and would play merry hell each week on the side of the pool. She used bribes, threats, sympathy, shouting, nothing eased it til she put him into a one-to-one class where the teacher took her time and worked with what he was comfortable with.

My rule for both DC was that they had to complete Stage 8 before they were allowed to quit; the faster they pushed to get through each stage the faster they got their wednesday nights back. As they progressed they both learned to love swimming and feel good that they'd learned new skills, and both have stuck with it. I strongly believe children need to learn to swim if it's possible because it's a skill that really can save lives.

My ds hated swimming lessons so I took him to a different set with really nice instructors and small group where he goes with his cousin. Also bought him some great goggles as he wasn’t keen on water either. I think you need to find a way round it as swimming is important but being forced to do something is absolutely horrible and makes the child feel powerless.