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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to make my DD continue swimming lessons that she hates?

84 replies

NoAngel1 · 10/07/2019 10:33

My DD is 6. She goes swimming weekly and it started off well but she’s gradually starting to dislike her lessons. The main issue is that she can’t stand going under water. She swims well on her back. The instructor has been really patient and has been trying to build her confidence up.

When I ask her outright she says she likes her lesson and teacher and wants to continue. But on swimming day, from the moment I collect her from school, she’s an absolute nightmare, having tantrums over the smallest thing and I’ve worked out that it’s her anxiety of going swimming. Sometimes she cries and says ‘I don’t like bubbles’ (blowing bubbles underwater) but that’s as much as she actually says!

I need to re-enrol next week if we continue in September. AIBU to make her continue until she’s a better swimmer or would you just leave it?

OP posts:

adaline · 10/07/2019 11:00

I would take her out of formal lessons - take the stress and pressure out of it, but carry on taking her at weekends for fun swim sessions instead.

MN is very hot on swimming lessons being the most important things in the world, which I appreciate, but I don't really see what forcing someone to attend is going to achieve. She clearly doesn't enjoy it so let her have a break from the formality of it all for a while.

She can try it again later.

notacooldad · 10/07/2019 11:03

I would take a break and come back to it.
If she is getting wound up and upset why prolong it.
I agree it is important to learn but I think I would say ok, we'll come back to this after the summer holidays (or whatever ) and in the meantime go swimming as a family. Obviously not up and down lengths button a fun pool and let her enjoy herself.

BertrandRussell · 10/07/2019 11:05

Can someone explain to me how swimming is a “life skill” for an average 6 year old?

Fraggling · 10/07/2019 11:06

No I wouldnt force her to do something she hates.

She's only 6.

I'd give it a break and try again in a couple of years.

Sounds like she can swim anyway, you can still take her swimming, get her associating it with fun again.

Kokeshi123 · 10/07/2019 11:09

CAN she put her face in the water if she has to? Could she save herself if she fell into water? If so, I would back off a bit and leave it for the moment. She's only 6. My 8yo still can't swim a stroke so we are sticking with the lessons for the moment.... but it sounds like your daughter can actually swim already.

Bloodybackpain · 10/07/2019 11:10

We’ve been having this issue in our house with our DSs (aged 6 and 9). We decided that we felt it was an important life skill and we need them to carry on with lessons. They both love things like waterslides, and also going kayaking, paddle boarding and body boarding . So we have explained to them that we need to know they are decent swimmers in order to carry on with those activities. We have also linked going to lessons without a fuss to them getting their pocket money after the swimming lesson. I know it’s bribery essentially but oh well.

RunningLondon · 10/07/2019 11:11

Any other club I’d say knock it on the head. But swimming is a hugely important life skill

bonbonours · 10/07/2019 11:13

I never put my daughters in swimming lessons for this very reason. Both hated putting face in water but otherwise loved being in the water so I didn't want to turn into something they hated. Both of them (now 11 and 13) gradually got OK with putting their face in in their own time and both can swim perfectly well (not winning any prizes but well enough to enjoy it and keep up with their peers.

I really don't think swimming is that much of a life skill. Falling into water is very unlikely. Also you can swim without putting your face in if you don't care about proper technique. My kids could swim 25m with face out. Unless you want to compete (tiny percentage) then you only need to swim well enough to enjoy it and not be scared.

Toooldtocareanymore · 10/07/2019 11:13

I'd stop the formal lessons for a couple of years, bring her the odd time to show swimming is fun, and to make sure she has enough confidence in water that if she ever fell into a body of water she wouldn't panic and go to pieces, if she can get herself out of trouble then I think if you persist she will just grow to hate it more and more.

I've taught swimming and find around 8 is a good age, they are strong enough to really learn quickly so they are all pleased with their progress.

The suggestion of goggles if she's not wearing them already is good made a lot of difference to my lad- he had to learn late in life due to having an ear issue that meant when younger water was avoided, dos orders no more than one shower/bath a week, and even when allowed in water he wasn't supposed to go under and had to wear special earplugs, so he just wasn't used to water near eyes.

Celebelly · 10/07/2019 11:15

I wouldn't push it at the moment. It sounds like she can swim if she needed to. When she gets a bit older you can revisit. There's a bit of an obsession with dunking children's heads under the water at swimming classes - if she really hates it then I don't see the need to push it. Perhaps you could focus on front swimming with head out of water for now?

Lllot5 · 10/07/2019 11:15

I’d stop sending her why upset her for no reason? Take her yourself if you really think she needs it. Come back to it at a later date
Never had a lesson none of my children had a lesson all of us can swim.

bonbonours · 10/07/2019 11:17

We live at the seaside and I still don't consider it a life skill. I always went in the pool and sea with them until the point they were confident swimmers. 'swimming is a life skill' is a mantra peddled by swim schools and swallowed by parents. To save your life you need to know how to float on your back not swim butterfly with correct technique.

Disfordarkchocolate · 10/07/2019 11:20

Does your pool offer any fun pool activities in the summer? Ours does water polo, life-saving etc and are very fun based.

We also did a 6 week 1 on 1 course in the summer holidays as our son was a bit behind his school group. The 1 to 1 lessons worked really well.

Drum2018 · 10/07/2019 11:20

I agree with one to one lessons. If you can find someone over the summer who can do it then it's worth it. Dd had been to many lessons with 2 different swimming coaches and didn't progress at all. I found a guy who did one to one and within 6 lessons over the summer she was flying it. She also hated going under water but he managed to get her over the fear.

BertrandRussell · 10/07/2019 11:21

Generally speaking people don’t drown because they can’t swim. They drown because they take silly risks with the sea. Or they fall into freezing dark water fully dressed. Or they try to swim when they’ve drunk too much.

lickthewrapper · 10/07/2019 11:23

I would stop and give her a break. Swimming is important, but you don't want her to associate it with being apprehensive and miserable. Maybe take her to the pool yourself for some fun splash time.

KipperTheFrog · 10/07/2019 11:24

Swimming has been non negotiable in my house. DD1 has been going since she was 6 months old, we've had periods where she has wanted to stop (not helped by a pushy teacher) but now shes settled into a new swim school with fab teachers shes back to loving it and her confidence is building. Shes never been a natural swimmer, but we live near the sea so I need to know she could save her self if she got into trouble in the sea. Once shes confident and a strong swimmer she can stop the lessons if she wants.
DD2 on the other hand is practically a fish.
I'd encourage your DD to carry on, but see if there ie something particular about putting her face in? Dd1 hates that bit too, and refuses to do it at all without goggles.

adaline · 10/07/2019 11:24

Generally speaking people don’t drown because they can’t swim

Yep I think that's a point that's often missed on these threads. Most drownings happen because people take risks and go into the ocean when it's unsafe, or they fall in whilst drunk/fully clothed. Being able to swim won't help in most situations where drowning occurs.

Drowning also occurs when people panic in the water, something most small children will do if they suddenly fall into cold water regardless of how well they can swim. Swimming in a pool in organised lessons is not the same as swimming when you suddenly fall off a boat, fully clothed into the cold rough ocean.

adaline · 10/07/2019 11:25

but we live near the sea so I need to know she could save her self if she got into trouble in the sea.

But grown adults who are strong and confident swimmers drown in the ocean every year. It's great your DD can swim but the ability to swim won't necessarily save your life if you get in trouble in the ocean.

PettyContractor · 10/07/2019 11:25

I don't think it makes sense to just force lesson attendance. Outside of lessons, someone needs to play with her in a pool, chasing each other around, diving under water pretending to be sharks attacking each other, etc. That will get her past this.

Although she never disliked lessons as much, my DD enthusiasm and confidence was transformed by several days of play like this during one summer holiday. Years later she still likes going to lessons. (Stage 8 now.)

hibbledibble · 10/07/2019 11:31

If it's not working, then I would stop and reassess.

Mumsnet is incredibly evangelical about swimming lessons, but realistically, not many of our children are spending any time unsupervised around bodies of water. It can also still be learnt if one has a break from lessons.

Can you try different lessons, as maybe it's just these lessons that don't work? There are crash courses, one to one lessons, different swim schools. What about taking a break and going casual swimming? Will she have lessons at school? Or what about doing it at the weekend so there is less tiredness?

By Mumsnet standards I must be a terrible neglectful mother as my DD had no lessons for age 4-8, other than school sessions. She has now had a term of private lessons and is a confident swimmer.

roundturnandtwohalfhitches · 10/07/2019 11:37

I'd try doing it myself for a bit or going somewhere else. What you don't want is to give them the fear and if it's causing her anxiety then a new approach is needed.

ASundayWellSpent · 10/07/2019 11:39

Please don't force her, I can still remember how much I hated swimming lessons at that age! Hated the teacher, hated putting my head under, hated the day before swimming day as I would already be worrying about it... A year after I stopped lessons I could swim perfectly, as many lengths as I wanted, diving for objects off the bottom of the pool. Take the stress out of it. Take her to play in the water instead, get under with her and teacher her diving signs, let her see how much you enjoy swimming and the water too. I swim every day now, sometimes more than once a day; lessons aren't the be all and end all

fairislecable · 10/07/2019 11:39

She needs more time in the water not less.

My DGD got “the fear “ so her Mum took her her dad took her and I took her - 3 times a week altogether she got over it and is now an excellent swimmer.

You need to help her overcome her fear,

InglouriousBasterd · 10/07/2019 11:40

I let DD stop at 6-7ish at level 5. She’s decent at swimming and swims now for fun whereas it was the world’s biggest hardship on a Wednesday evening!

I’d take a break - are there crash courses being run over the summer? They tend to be pretty great in getting them to a decent level quickly.

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