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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to make my DD continue swimming lessons that she hates?

84 replies

NoAngel1 · 10/07/2019 10:33

My DD is 6. She goes swimming weekly and it started off well but she’s gradually starting to dislike her lessons. The main issue is that she can’t stand going under water. She swims well on her back. The instructor has been really patient and has been trying to build her confidence up.

When I ask her outright she says she likes her lesson and teacher and wants to continue. But on swimming day, from the moment I collect her from school, she’s an absolute nightmare, having tantrums over the smallest thing and I’ve worked out that it’s her anxiety of going swimming. Sometimes she cries and says ‘I don’t like bubbles’ (blowing bubbles underwater) but that’s as much as she actually says!

I need to re-enrol next week if we continue in September. AIBU to make her continue until she’s a better swimmer or would you just leave it?

OP posts:

BertrandRussell · 10/07/2019 11:45

“but we live near the sea so I need to know she could save her self if she got into trouble in the sea”

Swimming lessons won’t do that. Teaching her about the sea and the dangers and how to play in it safely is what you need to do this. I am evangelical about this because we live a very water based life, and one of the things that used to make my heart sink was the mother of one of my children’s friends saying “Don’t worry - he can swim!””

notacooldad · 10/07/2019 12:00

I got my kids to swim so they could enjoy fun pools and family time swimming.

I do think there is a very naive view at times with regard to swimming being a life skill. A child being able to swim 25 m+ in a pool does not mean they willbe able to swim fully clothed if they fall into a river or if they get dragged under water while playing on the surf. It may give them false confidence around reservoirs when with their friends.
I am concerned when I see comments about ' it can save their life's that people have a false sense of security.

BertrandRussell · 10/07/2019 12:22

Swimming lessons, bottled water and “follow on” milk. The 3 greatest marketing triumphs of the last 15 years.

smallereveryday · 10/07/2019 12:46

You don't need swimming lessons to learn how to swim ! I'm in my late 50s and I cannot remember a single peer who 'had lessons' . I completely agree with BertrandRussell it's just another one of those marketing tools to make middle class mothers fret about. ! Do you think that every child born in poverty has swimming lessons ? No of course not, yet many can still swim. They learn by going to the pool with friends and family .

If you pressurise a small child into anything. (Especially because some imaginary book of parenting has this in the 'essential life skill' list. You will have a child with a life long hatred of swimming. Take your foot of the gas and just take the little mite for some fun time at the pool. Just because 'Portia & Hugo' go to swimming lessons and are in the under 7s junior Olympic squad doesn't mean your child HAS to do this.

Theflying19 · 10/07/2019 12:55

Get better goggles and practise in the bath. but definitely persevere. It's a life saving skill.

Gamble66 · 10/07/2019 13:08

Swim as a family for fun once a week - try formal lessons again in a year

bonbonours · 10/07/2019 14:07

I agree with all those who say swim more for fun instead if paying out for lessons. The thing that made a huge difference to my kids was going on holiday and spending loads of time playing in the pool. They hardly did any real swimming but when we went back to the local pool I could clearly see the difference in confidence and strength.

Original poster

NoAngel1 · 10/07/2019 21:54

Thanks for all the replies. I have contacted her teacher and he advised that the last 2 lessons before summer will be easy going and hopefully her confidence will build up again in September. I’ve decided to re enrol her but spend some time over the summer at the pool together as we don’t ever have time normally for family swimming.

OP posts:

MitziK · 10/07/2019 22:10

Poor children have lessons through school for a term if they're lucky. Otherwise, if their parents can't or won't take them, they're dependent upon patient friends teaching them when they're older - without insurance/training/proper supervision.

Definitely keep lessons going. Otherwise the school ones will be her in the baby pool, standing up until the end of the lesson - which results in fully grown adults who are unable to go to aqua aerobics because they're scared and turn down every opportunity that involves water.

Kokeshi123 · 11/07/2019 00:25

Otherwise the school ones will be her in the baby pool, standing up until the end of the lesson - which results in fully grown adults who are unable to go to aqua aerobics because they're scared and turn down every opportunity that involves water.

But the kid in question can do basic swimming. She just doesn't like putting her face in the water.

Zippyx · 11/07/2019 00:47

People like to say it's a life lesson and whatnot but unless you go on holidays where water may be involved (which I personally never did/do - I'm a landlubber!) or if you live near water, not knowing how to swim is really not the end of the world.

Sincerely, person who has successfully made it through life having never swum.

Whether or not you're being U depends on your circumstances and whether swimming is something that may occur in your child's life in the future.

Purpleartichoke · 11/07/2019 00:54

Swimming is a mandatory life skill. Dd hates swimming lessons and it took forever to get her to the point she could swim across the pool. That was my standard. She doesn’t gave to know strokes or have proper technique, she just needs to be able to tread water and swim to the edge of a body of water if she falls in.

For dd it was putting her face in the water. She hated it. We now know she has autism so that was definitely a factor. I’m glad we stuck it out. We did try several instructors until we finally got one we were happy with. So I would consider letting her change where she takes lessons, but not give up lessons entirely.

callmeadoctor · 11/07/2019 01:00

Have you tried goggles? That was my dds problem, eyes in water!

Smokesandeats · 11/07/2019 01:18

One of my DC was similar. She hated the lessons and didn’t enjoy swimming so I stopped the lessons and waited until she went swimming with the school. She’s an adult now and her limited swimming skills have not held her back in any way.

LellyMcKelly · 11/07/2019 01:30

Having spent 8 years going to and fro to classes at 8am on a Saturday morning with up to 12 in a class I’d say book her in for a few terms of 1-1 lessons. The overall costs are probably about the same but the 1-1 classes would get her through the grades far mor quickly and painlessly. I wish I’d don’t that at the start. Pretty sure both would swim as well as they do now but within a year or two. I’d probably also leave it until she was about 8 years old. They’re much more able and have better coordination by then.

Snowy81 · 11/07/2019 01:44

Ds was 6, and liked the water but not going under. We took him on a last minute holiday to Haven caravan park, and booked him some swimming lessons. They could see he could swim a little but dislike going under, so worked each lesson under water- going through legs, picking up things off the floor and so on- totally different to the ‘lessons he’s had at home’. He came back a complete water baby, and at 14 is a really strong swimmer now, even in the sea!

NameChange9854 · 11/07/2019 04:03

I don't think swimming is very important tbh but if you really want to keep it up I think a related treat, like a trip to a water park at the end of term, could be a decent bribe (one that she'll enjoy more because of the skills she's learned).

Mascarponeandwine · 11/07/2019 04:14

We had this with DS1 and I was tearing my hair out knowing it wasn’t working but not sure what to do about it. Eventually we changed pools (so also a change of instructor and style of lesson) and never looked back.

Nat6999 · 11/07/2019 04:18

Ds hated swimming lessons, we didn't know then but he has ASD & the bright lights & the noise were affecting him. We found a lovely lady with a private pool who never taught more than 5 children at once, it was quiet & within a month he was swimming confidently.

Cornishclio · 11/07/2019 04:46

I can swim but never had lessons as a child. It wasn't a thing in the 60s and is only now for some reason something every middle class child must have. If she is not confident in water she is unlikely to be putting herself in situations where she is at risk of drowning. It is usually the over confident ones who take risks and end up in trouble. Both my daughters had lessons as children but I am sceptical as to how effective they were but they can both swim. That is more from going on holiday and learning wit( us in the pool with them. Neither of them like their face under water and nor do I. I would stop the lessons for a bit and go as a family more and try again in 6 months.

Singleandproud · 11/07/2019 04:46

Stop the lessons and restart them when she’s older. Unless she has access to open water she’s too young to be swimming alone.

DD didn’t start swimming lessons until she was 8 (due to cost and me not being able to drive), she learnt really quickly and was stage 9 and accepted into the localswimming club within 18 months. Older children learn quicker, muscles, motor skills and coordination are more developed and you can explain and reason with them more easily.

chamenanged · 11/07/2019 06:06

Learning to respect and healthily fear water is more likely to save them from drowning than learning swimming technique. Also, swimming is a fun thing to do and you don't want to make her hate it. I'd leave it for now.

Laura221 · 11/07/2019 06:19

My girls stopped at 5 and 6.(now 6&7) They had been going since they were 3. They asked to stop as it became boring for them and I let them. My 5 year old could swim very well but my 6 year old not quite as well however they were both in the same level and when we go swimming as a family they both swim comfortably and can do a length. My 5 year old at the moment is still doing her lessons and I doubt she will stop for a long time as she loves it. I dont see the point in forcing something on them if they dont enjoy it as long as she can competently swim ready for when she is older and going with friends ect then she will be fine.

Oh also I was just thinking with my now 5 year old she had a break for about 6 months when she started reception (tiredness) and she didn't lose any of the skills she had so maybe have a break and reassess in 6 months?

Crunchymum · 11/07/2019 06:21

My 6yo is the same.

Weve done a few week long Intensive courses (over a half term - so daily lessons for 5 days) plus his weekly lesson and he has only just started to dunk his face in.

I'm in the perservere camp.

My will be going until he is 25 / can swim...whatever comes first

ittooshallpass · 11/07/2019 07:41

My DD loved swimming with me, but absolutely hated swimming lessons as they kept insisting she put her face under water, which she hated.

I stopped the lessons, but carried on taking her swimming with me. She learned to swim with me and is happy going underwater.

Swimming lessons kicked in at school in Y4. She was fine. There were plenty of children who had never had swimming lessons or even regularly been swimming due to cost, so she was in the 'middle' group. By the end of term she was at the same level as those who had swimming lessons.

If your child is miserable doing swimming lessons at 6, I wouldn't make her continue. I would take her myself and make it fun.

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