AIBU to make my DD continue swimming lessons that she hates?

[NoAngel1]

My DD is 6. She goes swimming weekly and it started off well but she’s gradually starting to dislike her lessons. The main issue is that she can’t stand going under water. She swims well on her back. The instructor has been really patient and has been trying to build her confidence up.

When I ask her outright she says she likes her lesson and teacher and wants to continue. But on swimming day, from the moment I collect her from school, she’s an absolute nightmare, having tantrums over the smallest thing and I’ve worked out that it’s her anxiety of going swimming. Sometimes she cries and says ‘I don’t like bubbles’ (blowing bubbles underwater) but that’s as much as she actually says!

I need to re-enrol next week if we continue in September. AIBU to make her continue until she’s a better swimmer or would you just leave it?

Well she can already swim so I don’t see the pony in forcing her to go to more lessons.

I’m in the camp of swimming is a life skill - it might save your life one day or you saving someone else’s.

All of mine had phases of hating the ‘labour’ of swimming lessons but still went. And had to do homework whilst siblings were swimming - I was a meanie mummy!

They’re all grateful now

Also you can swim without putting your face in if you don't care about proper technique. My kids could swim 25m with face out. Unless you want to compete (tiny percentage) then you only need to swim well enough to enjoy it and not be scared.

This is my view too. My DD has sensory problems and hates putting her face in the water. The insistence that she do so killed her enjoyment of swimming. She swims ok with her face out of the water so I think she could save herself if she fell into the water, but for the lessons they kept insisting face in (she hated blowing bubbles too!) So maybe separate the two things- is she a good enough swimmer to save herself if she fell in the water, and if so does she really need to persevere if she hates it?

One of my school friends is absolutely petrified of water. She had lessons at school and the swim teacher was persuading her to dip her head under, she was slowly getting there, building up confidence to do it. The class (school class, not swim teacher) got annoyed at her needing extra help and just as my friend was finally about to dip, leaned over the edge of the pool and suddenly shoved her head under water. My friend lost her footing, went under the water, struggled and panicked. We helped her up but she swore blind she would never trust anyone again in the water and at 49 has never put a toe in a pool since.

One impatient teacher at 7 instantly undid hours of work.

Neither of my adult DC can swim. DD2 will go into the pool on holiday abroad if one of us is with her, but she is very tall and is never out of her depth in the water. Both she and DD1 have problems with their skin that the chlorine in water exacerbates, so I did not make them continue with swimming. Who wants to be dunked in a large vat of acid - which is essentially what happens to them. I would make swimming fun - you don't need to able to do every single stroke. I think its a great idea to have some family time in the pool.

Can you afford some 1:1? DS2 loathed swimming lessons, they were torture for both of us. When he was around seven he did six lessons 1:1 with a male teacher who was encouraging but no nonsense and he could swim the width of the pool after.

That was in England, we are in Aus now where backyard pools are common and drowning stats are scary, learning to swim is not optional for kids here.

DD2 went to swimming lessons when she was 4 and absolutely hated them to the point of being hysterical about them. We stopped them as didn't want her to end up hating swimming, we did however continue to go swimming as a family once a week, when she was 6 she asked to start lessons again and now loves going. I'd say it's just not worth stressing them out at that age. Continue to them swimming as a fun activity and hopefully the rest will follow. Don't sweat the small stuff and pick your battles.

Thanks everyone. My aim isn’t really to make her be able to save herself if she falls in, because, as others have pointed out, this isn’t really the purpose. But on family holidays I’d like her to be confident with jumping in and swimming in the pool.
Tempted to consider 1:1 though I’m not sure how expensive they are. Her lessons are small with only 5 children and it’s the same instructor every week.

If you go somewhere with a pool I guarantee she’ll be jumping in within a week. Stop the lessons if it’s upsetting her.