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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child trust fund difference between siblings

128 replies

PookieDo · 09/07/2019 12:47

My DC were born when the child trust fund money was being allocated back in early 2000’s

Eldest child got one £250 lump at birth and another when 7yo, the other child only had 1 £250 lump at birth and did not get another when she was 7, which was late 2011 because I think it was scrapped in Jan 2011.

So DD1 already had more than DD2. ExDP was supposed to help pay money in but he never did and I wasn’t in a good financial position to have savings for them as single mum low on a low income. They live with me and he pays (shit but) regular maintenance

I have had both their statements posted to me this year as I moved house (and DD1 now has control over hers until she is 18) and DD1’s has done much much better than DD2’s where it has been invested and also as it was a larger amount to begin!

I want to put some money into DD2’s now because I am in a better financial position and to make it fairer but DD1 feels this is unfair of me to not give her the same amount of money. I do see her point but she is already better off!

AIBU to make it fairer or WIBU to give money to DD2 and not DD1? I could do it without DD1 knowing but I do not want to, that isn’t the type of parent I want to be

OP posts:
Orangecake123 · 09/07/2019 14:26

Next time you get a cake or something give her the smaller piece and see how she feels about it then!

I would just make them equal amount . It's your money.

Earslaps · 09/07/2019 14:28

Unfortunately life isn't fair!

DS1 got the Child Trust Fund, but it had been discontinued by the time DS2 came along. We didn't have the cash spare to give to DS2 straight away, and it was about three years later I sorted it all out, so we gave him £300 to make up the difference.

DS1 also got money from my DGP and DH's DGP, who then died before DS2 was born. We did shift a bit of money to DS2 to make up for that, but he has less money in his Junior ISA. DS2 does have longer for it to gain though, and who knows what will happen to the stock markets between the two of them turning 18! DS2 could end up with loads more or loads less.

Brefugee · 09/07/2019 14:31

I get what DD1 is thinking but I also think she's wrong. Does she know or care where the initial investment comes from?

We had a sort of similar thing with ours - where we opened a small account for 1 but didn't have spare cash for 2. So we have looked at it over the years, now we do have a bit spare and are making sure that it pretty much evens out. DDs are both aware and DD1 is completely on board. In fact as we started explaining - before we got to the part about evening it up for 2 - she had already said "I'll share mine"

Siblings can be arseholes to each other. But i think it's a parent's job to try to be even handed.

Ninkaninus · 09/07/2019 14:32

There would be absolutely no question at all in my mind of what to do.

I would make up the difference, and I’d explain my reasoning to my daughter and then it would be up to her to catch up emotionally and at some stage hopefully understand that I did the right thing.

I would not be letting one child’s immature and egocentric world view (understandable, just about, at that age especially given the way selfishness and entitlement is built into the human narrative at the moment) negatively impact on the other child.

Parenting was my job, not my children’s, and my decisions were made from my perspective, with a more developed outlook and with everyone’s needs in mind, with a strong view toward fairness wherever possible. Life may not be fair, but I sure as hell could be, and I made things as fair as possible between my children.

I would do the fair and right thing in this situation too, whether or not my child agreed.

AlaskanOilBaron · 09/07/2019 14:33

Why on earth should they get different amounts? They are two teenage sisters who've had zero influence on the investment strategy or deposits.

I'd be pretty disgusted if my oldest wasn't happy with this arrangement.

Weepingwillow5 · 09/07/2019 14:33

I think your eldest is reacting as I’d expect a teenager to react taking into account sibling rivalry . It’s not nice - but it is understandable .

You are not being unreasonable though and should top up Dd2s account if you can .

mogtheexcellent · 09/07/2019 14:40

Just bump up DD2s account with the full difference, its no concern of your DD1. Second children always get the shitty end of the stick with second hand clothes and the like and now it looks like your DD2 won't get a car.

Theres the same age difference between my older sister and I so I know the feeling. My older sister got everything.

PopGoesTheWeaz · 09/07/2019 14:42

Thanks for the reminder. I keep meaning to top up my younger DC's account for just that reason. I want them to have near the same amount when they mature and it's either pay a little bit now, or top up a bunch in 10 years

I get that life's not fair, but it should be, shouldn't it? And if we can do something to set it right in out own homes I really can't think why you wouldn't.

ConkerGame · 09/07/2019 14:44

God OP, my parents would’ve disowned me if I’d had the same attitude as your DD1. She’s sounds very self-centred and immature. Just explain to her that you won’t allow one of your children to be in a worse financial position than the other through no fault of their own and if she doesn’t like it then she shouldn’t expect any further financial help from you. I’d honestly be disgusted with her mindset and so ashamed! Why does she want her sister to have less than her?! Horrible attitude!

WhoKnewBeefStew · 09/07/2019 14:49

I had 1 dc who get trust fund money and one who didn't. I pay in each month for dd1, I'll see how much she gets at 18, and provide the same for dd2, when she reaches 18. However I do consider myself lucky to be able to do that without having to pay in an amount monthly for 18 years

BinkyBaa · 09/07/2019 14:50

If you dont mind me asking, would anyone be able to explain what this government trust fund thing was? I've never heard of it before.

What years was it available between? Did parents have to apply for it?

Meanmate · 09/07/2019 14:50

Your daughter is old enough to understand the equality doesn’t mean equity principle - google an image to show her. You should not be entertaining her objection, it is unreasonable and selfish, regardless of age. You are fuelling the fire by seeming equivocal on it.

Stuff in life isn’t fair. Sometimes we can’t anything about it, and they learn a lesson, in resilience and bouncing back. And sometimes (as in this case), we can , and they learn a different message about humanity and kindness. If your daughter cannot see this now, she will in later life. Or she ought to at least.

My two are very close, older one has jealousy issues too. Doesn’t stop me being very straight when she is being grossly unreasonable, as your elder daughter is here. Stop pandering. Do what you know is right, even up the amounts they will receive, if you are able to.

Meanmate · 09/07/2019 14:50

Close in age I mean

TeacupDrama · 09/07/2019 14:51

@user1486131602 I think what you are doing is illegal she will be able to access that money at a certain point anyway,
if she got compensation it must be for something maybe she will need it
compensation is not the same as sharing chocolate
making people share their most precious possessions often results in them digging their heels in, no one wants to share everything
I can see where you are coming from in making sure they have equal money at Christmas birthdays extra curriculum activities
it is the same if one child gets an inheritance and the other doesn't legally you can't divide it

Meanmate · 09/07/2019 14:52

And I would be withholding the car unless she can show some maturity and selflessness. A child like that does not need more material stuff.

MyOpinionIsValid · 09/07/2019 14:53

@user1486131602 - i dont understand why your daughter has to share compensation money with her brother.

What you are doing is theft.

PhantomErik · 09/07/2019 14:55

We've had a similar issue in that DC 1 & 2 got the child trust fund amount of £250 each but it had stopped by the time DC 3 was born. I opened an account for DC3 & paid in £250 (bit by bit) & am now leaving it to go up with interest. Also depending on how it's going if it looks like DC3 will get much less I will do my best to make it up to the same/similar figure to DC 1 & 2.

All DC are aware of this they're 10, 9 & 7yrs.

Whatever I'm able to save for them now is divided equally.

BendingSpoons · 09/07/2019 14:56

My dad paid uni fees for me and my brother. My fees were £1k per year and my brother's were £3k due to a change in policy. We were given different amounts of financial help to achieve an equal outcome. 'Equal' doesn't have to mean 'same'. I think you should top up DD2s account.

Ariela · 09/07/2019 14:57

Just ask her what would she thinks you should do if she was an older sister, just turned 20: no money from the government.

Munhu · 09/07/2019 14:57

I think this is the image meanmate was referring to and I think it's quite an effective tool.

Child trust fund difference between siblings
newmomof1 · 09/07/2019 14:58

DD1 is 16, so she’s not really seeing this in an adult way as such

Nonsense. She knows EXACTLY what she's talking about and she's being a brat.

Meanmate · 09/07/2019 14:58

Thank you Munhu - I didn’t know how to do that!

Original poster
PookieDo · 09/07/2019 15:16

The child trust fund was set up by the government in about 2002, children were given different amounts due to their circumstances (income and disabilities) and the money was invested into different types of accounts that you can pay into but not withdraw until the child is 18 and depending on the stock market or investment may or may not grow.

Until 2011 children were given another top up at age 7 but all of those DC born around late 2004/ early 2005 missed out on the 2nd payment and I think you can open them a junior ISA now but you don’t get the government investment amount

It was never my money and I did not pay anything in, DD had £500 and her investment had done really well and DD2 had £250 and her investment hasn’t done very well at all

DD has not had a tantrum over it, she said she felt it would be unfair because the money in her account wasn’t gifted by a parent and it wasn’t her fault that DD2 missed out, so why should I give DD2 money and not DD1. It was a discussion not an argument and I have gone away to think about her point and also what I feel is fair to them both and what I decide will not be down to DD1.

OP posts:
PCohle · 09/07/2019 15:35

I would absolutely top them up to the same level. I think giving your DD2 "just" the extra £250 would be very unfair - she's getting less just because her sister has stamped her feet.

It sounds like DD1 claims to feel hard done to but it actually ending up with a lot more than her sister - both more money and a car.

I would be really disappointed if one of my kids had this sort of attitude. IMO kids need to learn that fairness doesn't always mean they get treated exactly the same.

diddl · 09/07/2019 15:51

Thing is it's up to Op how she spends her money.

It's really unkind (imo) of the oldest to begrudge her mum spending money on the youngest in an attempt to even things up.

It doesn't affect her at all as it was never earmarked for her iyswim.

" also in the mix DD2 will not see their DF and DD1 is resentful upset and angry about that"

Why?
Does her dad give her grief about it?
She needs to start butting out of what others are doing & look to her own attitude.