Child trust fund difference between siblings

[PookieDo]

My DC were born when the child trust fund money was being allocated back in early 2000’s

Eldest child got one £250 lump at birth and another when 7yo, the other child only had 1 £250 lump at birth and did not get another when she was 7, which was late 2011 because I think it was scrapped in Jan 2011.

So DD1 already had more than DD2. ExDP was supposed to help pay money in but he never did and I wasn’t in a good financial position to have savings for them as single mum low on a low income. They live with me and he pays (shit but) regular maintenance

I have had both their statements posted to me this year as I moved house (and DD1 now has control over hers until she is 18) and DD1’s has done much much better than DD2’s where it has been invested and also as it was a larger amount to begin!

I want to put some money into DD2’s now because I am in a better financial position and to make it fairer but DD1 feels this is unfair of me to not give her the same amount of money. I do see her point but she is already better off!

AIBU to make it fairer or WIBU to give money to DD2 and not DD1? I could do it without DD1 knowing but I do not want to, that isn’t the type of parent I want to be

@caringcarer

I think this is exactly how DD feels

I am giving DD2 the money because she missed out though and didn’t have a good investment, £900 is a lot of money and seems disproportionately unfair to DD2 as it is so much and I would do the same if it was the other way round. I am annoyed with myself for not checking the accounts a lot sooner and not adding into them because I could have avoided a lot of this!

I should have added as I just remembered- as DD1 will be 17 soon I have said there might be the chance that she can use my old car to drive when she has passed and I will consider getting a newer one. I then wouldn’t be able to do the same thing less than 2 years later for DD2 so DD1 would be gaining more anyway and that is still unfair to DD2. Even if we then pass the car onto DD2 will it be in good condition? - but it will remain my car that DD1 can drive until she gets her own car. The CTF money is probably enough for car insurance but not a whole car

@Munhu

I can’t easily afford to, but I feel I should

What government has paid your dc is irrelevant. You are thinking of giving one child money but not the other one. My sister has 4 children, the eldest three did not get government money but her youngest dd did.

Assuming you receive child benefit and if you were in the fortunate position not to need it to pay for the children's everyday costs and were thus able to put it all aside in a savings account for your children - would you think it perfectly fair to save £20.70 a week in an account for your older child but only £13.70 a week in an account for your second/other children? After all, it's government money, isn't it?

When it comes to wills, the primary reason for distributing the money is not to benefit the recipients, it's because the owner of the money is no longer in a position to use it, so it is passed on to those believed the most deserving of it - and this choice is also frequently used as an expression of love for those recipients.

The only reason the OP is considering diverting this money is to make it fair; she hasn't had a windfall or specifically identified a pot of money that she doesn't want and is looking to give away.

I think DD1's attitude is selfish and very sad. She will already have had her parents in her life (and thus likely significantly more money spent on her) for two years more than her younger sister ever will.

If her younger sibling were disabled, say, and needed a lot of money spending on her for medical equipment or similar which the NHS wouldn't supply, to make her life easier, would she look enviously at the amount spent by their parent(s) on that expensive electric wheelchair or would she just count her blessings that she had no need for one?

You sound quite scared of your DD1.

I think putting £250 in is actually a very good idea and I will do that so at least they had the same amount originally as each other

Well then. Don't top up your DD2 account, she gets the car. DD1 can either get a car or does what she wants with the money

Tell DD1 to share her 'extra' money with DD2 to make it fair in that case.

Sorry, but she sounds like a brat.

I should have added as I just remembered- as DD1 will be 17 soon I have said there might be the chance that she can use my old car to drive when she has passed and I will consider getting a newer one. I then wouldn’t be able to do the same thing less than 2 years later for DD2 so DD1 would be gaining more anyway and that is still unfair to DD2. Even if we then pass the car onto DD2 will it be in good condition? - but it will remain my car that DD1 can drive until she gets her own car. The CTF money is probably enough for car insurance but not a whole car

I'd definitely bring this up when you have the 'how would you feel in your sister's shoes?' conversation with her.

Or she pays you for the car and the money goes to DD2

I think your DD1's take on this is quite odd as is some other posters. This is a common problem. With us it was the other way around as eldest DD didn't have a CTF whereas youngest did. When eldest DD got to 18 I checked how much was in DD2s account and gave DD1 the same amount. I did mention it to youngest DD but she was only interested in how much she was going to get (and was pleased with how much it is). I would have been shocked if she had protested about me giving eldest DD money.

Oh, and don't 'give' DD1 your call. You retain ownership but insure her to drive it. Then when DD2 is older enough, she goes on the insurance too and they can share it.

If they want their own cars, they can buy them with the money you're talking about.

*Car not call!

Assuming you receive child benefit and if you were in the fortunate position not to need it to pay for the children's everyday costs and were thus able to put it all aside in a savings account for your children - would you think it perfectly fair to save £20.70 a week in an account for your older child but only £13.70 a week in an account for your second/other children? After all, it's government money, isn't it?

Child benefit is paid to the PARENT not the child so it is an irrelevent comparision

3 of my children got ctf one got loads as was high rate dla
The others were born before and after so get nothing it’s just unfortunate

No way would I gift her the car it would just be an early starter car until she’s in proper work or possibly she could buy it from me with the CTF yes. It would 100% remain my car but it’s already old and add another 2 years on it, it might not be fit for DD2 who already has less money.

Argh I am more confused than I was on page 2 where I was sure I was not BU because it is true, this was never my money in the first place it came from the government!

No I am not scared of DD1.

But I see enough money-parent-hate threads on here to want to try to do the right thing

Same here - eldest got CTF, youngest didn’t. We added the initial stake to a Junior ISA to make DC2 up. No idea how it will go at 18 but my idea is always that we’ll make sure they get the same in total at the same age, so if DC1 gets £2K at 18 then if DC2’s ISA hasn’t made that by 18 we’ll top up. If DC2 does better then DC1 can retrospectively get the extra to make it fair.

I don’t think stock market performance and who put the initial stake in is as inportant as equality within the family.

I would not let your DD1 have your car if you can’t do the same for DD2. The expectation would need to be that the car is shared and as soon as DD2 can drive it’s her ‘turn’ and her sister should be working towards the idea of that in getting her own car after a couple of years.

Life's not always fair. I'd leave it at the two different amounts and explain to the second child that the government scheme had closed down when she was born so she has less because of that.

If money for both daughters had been invested in premium bonds, one might have more winnings than the other. Would you be seeking to make each account up to the same amount then? Obviously, any amount parents put in over the years should be equal per child but this was a scheme using tax payers' money which was discontinued and out of your control.

My children share everything, and I mean everything. If you give one a chocolate bar they give the other one half without thinking. That’s because I made sharing. Mandatory, as my parents had treated me so differently to my sibling.

My son had no money from govt, daughter did.
She was also in a car accident and had compo.
She does not want to share it as her dad said, no that’s her money.
My STBXH was supposed to pay into savings for son, never happened!
So, I will ensure my dd shares or will not receive it until she does. She would happily take hair if it was her brothers, so I understand your dilemma.
I’m am going to ask her to share just before it becomes available, if she says no, I reinvest it so she doesn’t get it either!

If money for both daughters had been invested in premium bonds, one might have more winnings than the other. Would you be seeking to make each account up to the same amount then?

I wouldn't have invested them in premium bonds in the first place for the very reason that they might have ended up with unequal amounts! Yes, life isn't fair but when they are children I do my best to keep things as fair as possible and that means making up for the fact that the CTF only operated for a small number of years.

So, I will ensure my dd shares or will not receive it until she does. She would happily take hair if it was her brothers, so I understand your dilemma.
I’m am going to ask her to share just before it becomes available, if she says no, I reinvest it so she doesn’t get it either!

Are you sure this is legal?

I think that compensation for injuries is the one thing I wouldn't want to me equal actually. I'd rather not have the injuries than the money and I'm pretty sure my children would see it that way too!

No way, don't give her more!

I kind of had this (but on a different level) because DB and I inherited a trust fund at ages 25 each - a significant amount of money as it had been started a long time ago. As DB is 2 years younger than me, I was 27 when he received his sum and as his fund had had 2 years more to grow then he got a bit more.

I didn't whinge and whine, was pleased for him!

Having said that, DM has given me and DB money over the years or paid for things for us - she tries to make it equal. With my DC who are kids I do the same - or try to.

I can see where the older dc is coming from.

I don't think she's being grabby and entitled.

I don't think it's anything to do with the amount of money.

I think she's feeling hurt that mum is prepared to give her sister something she isn't going to give her anything.

If she already feels that younger sister gets more (time/presents/attention) it is making her feel even more rejected.

You say you're better off now. That's great. But maybe that adds into younger dd already getting more, not deliberately, but because you can. Dd1 sees the things she would loved to have had at that age, and didn't because money was tight. Maybe you didn't even realised she wanted them because she didn't ask, because she knew you couldn't afford it.
Then as soon as there's something she gets a bit more-you leap on it to make it even.

I think there is a lot more to talk about with dd1, not just assume she's being mean for the sake of it, as everyone here seems to be being suggesting. I think it sounds that there's a lot more to it than just greed.

@user1486131602

I'm all for keeping things equal where possible and it'd be nice if she volunteered but you can't really force your daughter to share money that is legally hers. If you can't afford to provide your son with the same amount as his sister then I think in this situation it's actually an appropriate time for your son to learn that 'life isn't fair, but you have to deal with it'. You clearly have major hang ups about the way your parents treated you but it sounds like your current course of action will cause a different type of hang up and resentment in your own children.

I would never dream of forcing them to share I am actually really taken aback by it.

I think that actually on reflection it may seem fairer to give them just the same amount of investment not the entire difference (so just £250) and with DD1 benefiting from using my car when she is 17, perhaps she will feel less hard done by!

I’m not laying into her either on this thread yes she is jealous of her sibling sometimes but no I don’t think she is malicious or just greedy she is meaning how it makes her feel not the actual money, but what it represents for her in terms of ‘missing out’ on something I also haven’t given to her. I do get it. I just also do not want to be unfair to DD2