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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child trust fund difference between siblings

128 replies

PookieDo · 09/07/2019 12:47

My DC were born when the child trust fund money was being allocated back in early 2000’s

Eldest child got one £250 lump at birth and another when 7yo, the other child only had 1 £250 lump at birth and did not get another when she was 7, which was late 2011 because I think it was scrapped in Jan 2011.

So DD1 already had more than DD2. ExDP was supposed to help pay money in but he never did and I wasn’t in a good financial position to have savings for them as single mum low on a low income. They live with me and he pays (shit but) regular maintenance

I have had both their statements posted to me this year as I moved house (and DD1 now has control over hers until she is 18) and DD1’s has done much much better than DD2’s where it has been invested and also as it was a larger amount to begin!

I want to put some money into DD2’s now because I am in a better financial position and to make it fairer but DD1 feels this is unfair of me to not give her the same amount of money. I do see her point but she is already better off!

AIBU to make it fairer or WIBU to give money to DD2 and not DD1? I could do it without DD1 knowing but I do not want to, that isn’t the type of parent I want to be

OP posts:
TeamUnicorn · 09/07/2019 13:08

Only two of my three have one. As it stands #2 is doing better than #1. I have added no more. They will all get roughly the same at the end as I will add some.

Howlovely · 09/07/2019 13:09

I really don't know why this has even become a topic for discussion. Your daughter sounds greedy and rather unpleasant. I'd remind her that she is lucky to have what she's got and nobody owes her anything. Disgraceful behaviour.
As a slight aside, I'm a little surprised by the number of people on mumsnet that think that 18-24 year olds are still children and basically any behaviour, no matter how awful, is dismissed because they are 'so young' and 'typical teens'. Christ, I never expected anything from my parents and was jolly grateful for everything they gave me. I certainly wouldn't have complained about my younger sister receiving the same amount nest egg as me!

slaps1983 · 09/07/2019 13:13

I'd do one of two things OP
1 - when first amount arrives for DD1 make her split it so she gets half and DD2 gets half (keep it safe until DD2 turns 18). Then when DD2 gets hers split it again and give half to DD1 and half to DD2. This way they are both getting exactly the same without you putting money into it.
2 - explain to DD1 that if it was the other way round and she was due to be £900 down on what her sister would get, how would she feel? Would she want the extra money made up by you or just except that the government changed the scheme.
My family went through this and myself and 2 sisters all got different amounts. Our parents were not in a position to make the money up so we all shared our cheques equally between 3

JustTwoMoreSecs · 09/07/2019 13:18

The only way DD1 would have a point is she either added money to the investment herself (birthday money for ex) or if she decided the investment strategy. On other words, if she has a part in the fact that she has mire money then fair enough,’if not I really don’t undertand why what you suggest would be unfair.

Munhu · 09/07/2019 13:20

Life isn't fair. Children need to learn this. It's not DC1's fault the rules changed to nobble child DC2.

Kids need to understand, sometimes things happen that just aren't fair, and you have to suck it up and deal with it.

Of course life isn't fair, some things are completely out of our control and unjust things will always happen. But if you as a parent are in the position to help your teenage child and make life a little less unfair for them I think it's a bit shitty to say 'suck it up and deal with it.' It doesn't sound like a great way to foster a good relationship with them.

Original poster
PookieDo · 09/07/2019 13:21

I can’t actually make her split it I have no control over that account anymore anyway

My only defence of DD1 is that I think having them close together (under 2 years, 1 school year apart) has always been hard for DD1 to get her head around that they are not the same age and DD1 needs to accept this on lots of levels. ie she expects me to hold DD2 accountable for things in the same way and everything be equal on her terms only. This is one symptom of quite bad sibling jealousy mostly directed at me so I am probably over cautious as I am always being accused of favouritism, also in the mix DD2 will not see their DF and DD1 is resentful upset and angry about that

OP posts:
TarragonSauce · 09/07/2019 13:22

Well if dd1 feels that it wasn't your money, then tell her to transfer £125 of the Government's money to her sister then because in your house you don't play favourites and each should have the same at 18.
No? Mind her own beeswax then.

ShimmerSunset · 09/07/2019 13:23

DD1 sounds very grabby. Equal up the trust funds if you can. DD1 needs to stop being so selfish and be glad of what she's got.

Original poster
PookieDo · 09/07/2019 13:26

@Munhu

I know it can come over parents like me are pushovers but yeah, I would rather reach a more adult mutual understanding over this that just saying suck it up and deal with it it is tough shit. She’s not really thinking how she would feel in DD2’s shoes and I will point that out to her though. I will make it fairer, DD will be 19/20 by the time this actually happens and hopefully more mature

OP posts:
NeedAUsernameGenerator · 09/07/2019 13:28

I'm in a similar position, one child born after 2011 got nothing and the other born before got £250. I've recently opened a Junior ISA for DD2 with a similar amount in as DD1's was worth when she was the same age. It won't be exactly even at 18 but I'll even it up if one gets significantly more.
I don't think you can or should force them to split it with a sibling from a legal POV or ethically, it's paid to them not to you. If they want to that's fine but if they feel pushed into it they may resent you later.

caringcarer · 09/07/2019 13:29

I don't think you are being fair and can see dd1 point here. What government has paid your dc is irrelevant. You are thinking of giving one child money but not the other one. My sister has 4 children, the eldest three did not get government money but her youngest dd did. As they reach 18 she has given them all money but she will also give youngest dd the same amount as otherwise it looks and feels like she is loved less. My dh has one brother. My dh is financially secure and so his parents are discussing leaving his brother the house. My dh heard and was devastated and immediately thought he was loved less than his brother. My Mum passed away and left us all exactly the same amount. It felt right. One sister has far more money than rest and one less but all felt equally loved. For some reason many people equate being given less than a sibling as being less loved. Don't do this to your dd1 OP. She may not forgive you for it.

LillithsFamiliar · 09/07/2019 13:31

Since you know about the dynamic between your DCs, I think it would make more sense to quietly top up DD2 and not make it a topic of discussion.
You say you don't want to be a parent who doesn't tell them but it's not necessarily good parenting to take every decision to your DCs. By telling them you've created a discussion point and bad feeling between them.
Their DF was supposed to make DD2's amount up to the same. As parents and adults you made that decision. You should have just implemented it without involving your DDs.

ShimmerSunset · 09/07/2019 13:31

You are just making excuses for DD1. Her behaviour is not pleasant.

MummytoCSJH · 09/07/2019 13:31

I've discussed this with my mum, there's a similar thing with my sisters (one 15, one 12). The younger sister has less (older sister got the extra £250 due to my dad passing away and my mum therefore being a single parent, but then she remarried and they had younger sister together) however due to the way it works being investment based by the government either of them could quite easily have ended up with nothing. It's not your daughters fault the government changed the rules but it's not yours either, and I do agree on some level that it would be unfair to give one child a lump sum and not the other. You haven't put anything into this account - it's not a gift from you, but giving a lump sum to top it up would be and then you've given one child a lot more than another.
What if you had an older child or younger child who didn't have a trust fund at all (me in my case). Would you be happy to give them a gift of £900 to make up for them not having an account?

summerofladybird · 09/07/2019 13:33

They should be the same. I took out a different fund for my eldest (no CTF then) but couldn't afford to do the same for #2, #1 had part of the money to use for university and suggested herself that the remaining money be kept for #2.

MummytoCSJH · 09/07/2019 13:33

I'm not sure some of the people here understood that the money wasn't invested by the OP, it was a scheme set up by the government. It was never the OPs money or gift to give.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 09/07/2019 13:35

I think there will be a lot of families facing some version of this issue. Of mine only ds2 got a ctf. As it happens dd ended up with additional money from gp’s, ds1 has savings from his df, so in some ways what ds2 gets will even things out. I do think your dd1 is being a bit grabby, but I can remember being pretty self centred at 16 as well, so I think you do what you feel is best, and she will understand when she’s a little older.

MummytoCSJH · 09/07/2019 13:36

The reason they are so different is also due to the fact they are just invested randomly. Younger dd could have easily come out with more had the markets the gov invested her money in gone that way. If you insist on making it equal a better thing to do might be to add in the £250 extra whilst its still invested rather than top it up to the same amount as dd1, then they HAVE had the same amount of money to start with and there's still some time for it to grow. Whether you think giving a large gift to one child and not the other is fair is your decision.

MyOpinionIsValid · 09/07/2019 13:36

@slaps1983 - you cant make an adult divvy up their legitimate funds

Waveysnail · 09/07/2019 13:38

My children have different amounts in there savings. When eldest turns 16 that will set the amount how much each gets and inwill top up the other childrens accounts so they all get same amount

suzy2b · 09/07/2019 13:39

I took out an insurance when my son was born it was only £1 a month when my daughter was born the lowest was £2 so when my sons paid out i split it between the 2 of them and then when my daughters paid out i did the same so they had the same amount

chuffnstuff · 09/07/2019 13:39

My Nan did a savings fund for me and my brother. 4 years difference between us. When my brothers matured it was worth £75. Four years later when mine matured I got £400. Shit happens!

WhatHaveIFound · 09/07/2019 13:40

I'm a position where one child got nothing and the other has a child trust fund. Will i be making it equal. Absolutely not. I can't afford to make up the whole amount.

Children have to realise that life isn't always fair. If it was i'd had to add up everything i spent on each of them to make sure it was equal.

MyOpinionIsValid · 09/07/2019 13:41

I took out an insurance when my son was born it was only £1 a month when my daughter was born the lowest was £2 so when my sons paid out i split it between the 2 of them and then when my daughters paid out i did the same so they had the same amount

Were the policies in the childrens names? If so, you stole from one child. But so long as they are happy with that result.

Munhu · 09/07/2019 13:41

I'm a position where one child got nothing and the other has a child trust fund. Will i be making it equal. Absolutely not. I can't afford to make up the whole amount.

But the OP can so this isn't really relevant.

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