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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is she being a table nabbing cf?

102 replies

Lillyringlet · 09/07/2019 11:56

So every week before preschool there is a little cafe run by the church. It is really great - the kids love it, adults caffeine/yummy food and the church raises money.

We have been going and grabbing a table as I have both a baby and toddler to wrangle. Recently they have not been putting out the little table in the corner with two chairs which my toddler adores so we have been sitting at the ironically smaller but the tables who it four chairs.

Every time we sit down at a table with four seats we have one of the helpers ask to come and sit with us. Seemed nice at first. She asked if her friend could sit and join us. Thought sure the more the merrier but they just sat ignoring us.

Next time she asked again and same thing. Third and fourth time she didn't ask - she waves her friend over and they just ignore me.

This time the corner table returns with only two seats so we go sit their. Sure enough she doesn't come over to us today and tries making friends with a mum who looks like at a table on her own at a table with four seats - as soon as a dad appears (so there will no longer be the extra seat needed for her friend to join), she is off trying to make friends with others with extra chairs.

Aibu to not want to feel used and maybe say no next time (which won't be until September now) so that I might get to talk to other mums rather than a old lady trying to nab her friend a chair who can just wait ten minutes for the preschool kids to go in...

OP posts:
MyOpinionIsValid · 09/07/2019 12:00

Im sorry. I've read that three times, and I dont understand.

Seeline · 09/07/2019 12:04

Are there not enough tables to go round?
If not then surely you need to share?
Especially if they're elderly....

If you want to make friends, why don't you go to one of the other larger tables, and ask if you can sit with another Mum, rather than bagging the small one every time?

SparklyMagpie · 09/07/2019 12:04

@MyOpinionIsValid neither do i

lmusic87 · 09/07/2019 12:05

Me neither, what is the issue OP?

SparklyMagpie · 09/07/2019 12:05

Actually thinking about it, I think you're the CF for nabbing the table everytime

KatherineJaneway · 09/07/2019 12:08

It's a small café so I assume that you have to share tables. Maybe she wanted to talk other friend and not you? Why should they be forced to chat to you because you share a table? An acknowledgement (nod / smile) would be nice but I don't want to chat to randoms.

PCohle · 09/07/2019 12:09

So you're annoyed she just wants a table with two spare seats rather than to genuinely be friends with you?

I think your expectations of cafes are a little high! Of course she just wants a seat - nothing wrong with that.

livefornaps · 09/07/2019 12:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AmphetamineGazelle · 09/07/2019 12:13

From my experience of churches, these cafes are designed to reel you in. Ie you like the cafe so you will go to church and give money in the offertory (and so on volunteering, monthly standing order. Money.). They want bums on seats come sunday. I reckon that is why the table was moved so they could 'chat'. Once they got nowhere they ignored you.

Worth mentioning that usually the cakes/coffee are all donated by the ladies running it and money for expenses is never claimed back.

She went when the dad appeared possibly because she thought she wouldn't get much success.

If you can cope, keep going. Just push back if you don't want to get involved further.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/07/2019 12:13

So... limited number of seats and someone asks to share a table with 4 seats but not the one with 2 seats (which I'm assuming are taken by yourself and toddler).

Also failing to see what the issue is here?

that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 · 09/07/2019 12:13

YANBU to grab a table that you need.

Do you mean that the old lady comes and sit at your table, waiting for you to leave to then enjoy it with her friend?

to not want to feel used Confused I am sorry, WHAT?!?

GruciusMalfoy · 09/07/2019 12:14

You're annoyed that someone wants to share a table so she and her friend can sit together? YABU!

RubberTreePlant · 09/07/2019 12:20

YABU for using the phrase "Yummy food".

Halloumimuffin · 09/07/2019 12:24

I think sharing a table in a place where there aren't enough seats is pretty common...and you don't talk to the people you're sharing with.

TitianaTitsling · 09/07/2019 12:27

I thought you would say she took the whole table with the 'nabbing' not that they sat down on empty seats!

Todaythiscouldbe · 09/07/2019 12:28

You could always join another mum at a table if you want to make friends.
YABU, my mum does a cafe and toddler group at her church (hoping this isn't her!), she volunteers and spends 4 or 5 hours a week there, plus providing tea/coffee/biscuits/cakes.
I don't get why you feel used? She's sitting in a free seat, chatting to her friend. Today there wasn't a free seat so she went somewhere else. I think you need to get out more.

Toooldtocareanymore · 09/07/2019 12:29

how is she using you? its not like she asks you to go grab a table with 4 chairs, while she's busy, so she can rock up 10 minutes later and chat to her friend, is it because she's a helper you felt she has to be asking for a seat because she wants to be friends?

missbattenburg · 09/07/2019 12:30

Haven't a clue what the OP was about but am loving the idea that churches use tea and buns like cocaine and old ladies like dealers, to lure you into their cult with their chit chat Grin

pinkdelight · 09/07/2019 12:31

What planet have you been living on up until now? It's completely normal to ask to share a table and then not talk to the others on that table. She wants a seat not a new friend, and it's not your seat so how is she being a cf to you? bizarre!

HennyPennyHorror · 09/07/2019 12:31

Dear God OP. She needs a seat...it doesn't mean she owes you friendship!

Spidey66 · 09/07/2019 12:35

Read through it a few times, still doesn't make any sense.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 09/07/2019 12:38

How bizarre. She moved when there wasn't a spare seat for her friend so they could sit and talk. I fail to see how this is using you. I am also surprised that it could be seen as a lure to get you to attend church. For a lot of people the church is as much social as faith and they help out with things like this for the social side rather than any desire to convert you.

JuniperSling · 09/07/2019 12:41

I think you're over-thinking things ~ especially if you're not going again until September. Are you going to let this eat you up all over summer?

BlackCatSleeping · 09/07/2019 12:41

I’m glad I’m not the only one who couldn’t make sense of this.

DinosaursWouldEatYou · 09/07/2019 12:42

I'm still confused even after reading some replies that kinda get it.