Is she being a table nabbing cf?

[Lillyringlet]

So every week before preschool there is a little cafe run by the church. It is really great - the kids love it, adults caffeine/yummy food and the church raises money.

We have been going and grabbing a table as I have both a baby and toddler to wrangle. Recently they have not been putting out the little table in the corner with two chairs which my toddler adores so we have been sitting at the ironically smaller but the tables who it four chairs.

Every time we sit down at a table with four seats we have one of the helpers ask to come and sit with us. Seemed nice at first. She asked if her friend could sit and join us. Thought sure the more the merrier but they just sat ignoring us.

Next time she asked again and same thing. Third and fourth time she didn't ask - she waves her friend over and they just ignore me.

This time the corner table returns with only two seats so we go sit their. Sure enough she doesn't come over to us today and tries making friends with a mum who looks like at a table on her own at a table with four seats - as soon as a dad appears (so there will no longer be the extra seat needed for her friend to join), she is off trying to make friends with others with extra chairs.

Aibu to not want to feel used and maybe say no next time (which won't be until September now) so that I might get to talk to other mums rather than a old lady trying to nab her friend a chair who can just wait ten minutes for the preschool kids to go in...

Ok. Let's see if I understood your post @lillyringlett.
You go to this café and sit at a table for 4 but only need 2 actual seats.
The helper sees that there are two seats vacant at your table and asks the first few times can she sit with you (and also beckons her friend to join her but not you).
Next time, you see a table that seats 2 only (so helper can't join you) so she goes over to ask someone else to share their table?
Is that the situation?
So your AIBU is are you being used?
Answer - no you're not being used, the chairs and tables are being used and you're sharing them. You are free to move or to say "I'm actually meeting someone shortly who will be joining my table" if you do plan on meeting someone. Otherwise, share the table and move when someone comes in. It's not rocket science.

Yabu. The lady is sharing a table with you, not nabbing a table and not being a cf.

If you want to make friends with other Mums with toddlers, which it sounds like you do, then go and introduce yourself to them and get chatting. Try sitting on a larger table with another Mum and child and talk to her. It sounds as if you lack a bit of confidence OP. The elderly lady probably baked the cakes or biscuits. My Mum used to make a cake for church cafe every week and sometimes cookies too and always give out squash for Sunday school and help in church creche, every Sunday morning unless ill or on holiday.

I've been wanting to ask this for ages - what's a CF???

I get it. You go not just for the coffee and yummy food, you go to get to know other people in the community. The church is putting the cafe on presumably not because they think they can rival starbucks but because of their community outreach (whether you take that cynically as wanting bums on seats or just because they want to support local families).

You see the volunteer as being on church time, so she should be making an effort to welcome others. You thought that she was going out of her way to welcome you but it turns out she was passing time to save a seat for her friend. So your pride is a bit hurt.

She probably considers that she has done the baking/tea making and set out tables. She has done her but to help and one of the perks for her for volunteering is that she gets to have a catch up with her friend.

I doubt she was using you. And it is a bit unfriendly for her to not introduce her friend. Could you have joined the mum alone at the four seater instead? Or joined another table? I just think note what she is up to and find another way to make friends or just accept if she joins your table she won’t chat to you for long. I’m not sure you can really complain to the leaders. I don’t know what you would say?

@missbattenburg 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Old Lady in Wants to sit in spare seat shocker!

YABU

It's probably "her" table. Some folks are creatures of habit.

Dollygirl2008 CF = cheeky fucker or similar

I can't stop coming back to this to add more questions 😂

How on earth is she a CF using you, when you don't even need/use the spare 2 seats?!

😂😂😂

Ps reading back ‘your pride is a bit hurt’ looks a bit dismissive. I don’t mean it like that. I am really shy and I can absolutely imagine being in that situation and feeling the same as you, especially when I had small kids and not many friends who did. But I think we both probably need to pull our big girl pants up and get out there and seek out the opportunities to meet new people, not wait for them to come to us. Best way I have found - volunteer to help in the cafe/pta/children’s church wherever so you can connect with others over a shared task.

Apologies if massively projecting.

as far as I understand, the poor lass is trying to find a seat at already seated tables, for lunch with her friend.

Where is the helper from? The church, playgroup or the cafe?

Are the extra seats not being used?

Not sure why people think the helper is an "old lady"

OP never said that did she?

You sound lonely @lillyringlett

So the OP expects to sit at a table for four, only using two chairs, but wants another mum to come up and sit with her and not the helper.

Why don't you sit next to another mum then, ask if you can sit at their table OP? Why is it all down to someone else.

Of course the helper isn't going to sit with you if there is no room - the smaller table has only two chairs!

The helper sits with anyone on their own at a table. You seem to have worked this scenario up in your head which doesn't quite match up with the reality OP. You can easily avoid the helper by either (a) sitting with someone else or (b) inviting another mum to sit with you.

HennyPenny yes op did say she was an old lady in the last sentence of the post

@AmphetamineGazelle - sorry that has been your experience, but not all churches operate in this way - in fact, none that I have known.

I used to attend a church that recognised that a lot of parents were at a bit of a loose end between school drop off and toddler groups starting, and opened a pop up cafe to provide somewhere for them to go. It's not for profit, staffed by volunteers and definitely not a money making venture.

if you want to make friends with other mums, why are you segregating yourself by sitting at a smaller table in the first place! The church ladies can sit where they like, surely.

Anyone else read the OP and the replies and feel like they have taken a shed load of mind bending drugs. I have no idea what is going on here.

If I understand your post correctly then no she's not a cf. If it's an organised event then surely you're expected to share a table?

You what now??

Person in cafe sometimes sits at a table you’re at, and sometimes doesn’t. What is your question?

You like to sit at a particular table and that’s OK because it’s what you like. An older lady and her friend also prefer this table. If you’re there first you think they shouldn’t sit there, or sit there only if they wish to talk to you?

Solution is to join someone else’s table, I should think.

I'm confused. You a nabbing a table and annoyed because someone is sitting at the free seats? No one actually owns a table...

So, is this lady a volunteer for the church?
I don't really understand the set up.
Maybe it is her role to interact with various families?
She may have felt you didn't want to talk to her, which was why she remained silent. This would explained why she moved on to another mum who looked lonely.
Either way, I don't think it's an issue. If you want to chat to other mums rather than volunteers, maybe introduce yourself to the mum sitting alone at the table of four and ask if you can join her?