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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think taking another two kids camping would bother me?

126 replies

managedmis · 08/07/2019 21:06

SIL asked if I wanted to go camping a couple of weeks ago, her and her DS, me and my DS. Fine, could be fun, boys get along well, we can all have a camp fire and wine once they sleep.

Confirmation text yesterday: still wanna go camping? Yes, sure. Oh, BTW the other SIL will come too, with her kids. OK, no problem.

Then changed it to SIL isn't coming, but her two kids will.

So, there's me, DS (5) her, her DS (12) and their two cousins, (12 & 14)

So I said no, it's too much like hard work, I won't be going. I didn't think it'd bother you she said.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 09/07/2019 09:25

SIL wants to take them as company for her dc who probably wants her older cousins there.

BarryTheKestrel · 09/07/2019 09:25

YANBU, you don't have to agree to anything you don't want to.

However, 2 teenagers really don't require much work other than feeding and setting boundaries, and it sounds like your DSs son is around their age so you'd really only have to parent your child anyway.

I often go camping with MIL and all 7 Nieces and nephews, plus my 2. We go for a week and usually have an additional adult most days due to the amount of kids, their parents come one at a time depending on work. But other than my 2 the others are all 8+ and generally entertain themselves all day. They just need meals, suncream and occasional refereeing of disagreements but they all get on well so it's rare they come to blows.

BottomliePotts · 09/07/2019 10:05

If she wants to say no she can!
curiousabout

Of course she can, and it seems she has, but she did ask for opinions

SoupDragon · 09/07/2019 12:24

Bored teens are a nightmare and stroppy teens are even worse!

And ordinary teens?

Original poster
managedmis · 09/07/2019 12:34

Has the OP come back and given any more information about why these children’s mother is now not coming?

^

I'm here Grin

SIL (parent of the teens) is having a week off (of looking after her kids, she's a single parent) , other SIL (who has arranged the camping trip) is looking after them for a week during the holidays.

Which is fair enough, whatever, but doesn't mean that I want to be roped into looking after them also!

Just feel pissed off that she didn't mention the teens were coming in the first place. Surely it's the first thing you say? Oh, it'll be x, y, z for camping, wanna come?

OP posts:
RockinHippy · 09/07/2019 12:36

Crikey some of the attitude to teens on her is a bit mad to say the least Confused

Our VAST experience of camping with teens, pre teens & 5 year olds too, is that the biggest stress is the younger kids.

Teens aren't bored for long with the wilderness to explore & play in, they are also a big help in collecting & chopping fire wood, putting tents up & entertaining the younger ones so the adults can relax. What's the problem with that Confused

TheCatDidSay · 09/07/2019 12:37

I wouldn’t take anyone else’s kids on my holidays without their parents. Which is exactly why we have the right amount of seats per bums sorry no space in the carGrin

Allington · 09/07/2019 12:38

No way of saying whether you are BU from the info given.

Yes, you should have been asked rather than told, but whether it is reasonable to expect you you agree would depend on the reason 2nd SIL dropped out, and what the 12 & 14 year olds are like.

Most of the 12 & 14 year olds in DD's Scout group would be an asset, sensible, responsible, willing to indulge younger ones etc which is why I don't mind her joining them on overnight camps without a adult supervising.

There are plenty of 12 & 14 year olds I would not want to supervise for 2 minutes, let alone 2 days.

RockinHippy · 09/07/2019 12:40

We've taken others teens away camping many a time, usually DDs friends. Our friends teens bring friends too. It's always worked out brilliantly & they all, girls & boys enjoy looking after our other friends little ones & giving them a break. What's not to like about it Confused

fedup21 · 09/07/2019 12:43

confirmation text yesterday: still wanna go camping? Yes, sure. Oh, BTW the other SIL will come too, with her kids. OK, no problem.

So, was that a lie!?

Original poster
managedmis · 09/07/2019 12:45

confirmation text yesterday: still wanna go camping? Yes, sure. Oh, BTW the other SIL will come too, with her kids. OK, no problem.

So, was that a lie!?

^^

Yes, it was a lie.

Yeah SIL will come with her kids... But SIL won't actually be there Confused just the kids

OP posts:
WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 09/07/2019 12:46

That's lovely of your SIL to give her single parent sister a break.

What is not lovely is her conscripting you to help her. She should have been transparent from the start and you could have decided if it was something you were willing to do.

mcmooberry · 09/07/2019 12:51

I wouldn't want to go as like many PPs have said, it is likely your 5 year old will get left out.

RockinHippy · 09/07/2019 12:53

Got to admit, having seen that update, the deviousness of roping you in to help without asking would piss me of too. So I can understand your anger now.

But unless their personalities say otherwise & you know they are usually a PITA, I really doubt the teens/12yo will be any problems at all & could well help you relax by looking out for your 5yo

Sparrowlegs248 · 09/07/2019 12:58

I'm with you OP. I had similar when I arranged to go out for the day with my mum, sibling and 2 x nephews. Sibling dropped out which would have left me looking after my 2 plus 2 nephews. I cancelled. It wasnt what I had wanted to do.

fedup21 · 09/07/2019 13:10

I would be saying to the SIL-‘why did you lie to me?’

And I wouldn’t be going on holiday with anyone that blatantly lied to me to get free childcare.

Did you ask her why she lied?

Proseccoinamug · 09/07/2019 13:14

Did she originally think the other SIL was coming?

It sounds like your SIL is responsible for them, not you. If I took extra kids on holiday with my sister, they wouldn’t be her responsibility.

And 12 and 14 yo DC aren’t going to be hard work, they’ll sort themselves out.

I do think you’re being a bit awkward.

It might not have occurred to me to mention I was taking an extra kid or two.

billy1966 · 09/07/2019 13:28

YANBU.

Pet peeve of mine is someone confirming we will do one thing and then coming back with additional information.

Change of venue.
Additional people.
Change of time etc.

It is sneaky. If you confirm one set of arrangements, it is extremely rude to say BTW ......

I think you were deliberately mislead. That alone would piss me off.

Two extra children of that she are definitely additional work, food, organising, and supervision... particularly near water etc.

I certainly wouldn't think they can mind themselves 🙄

HJWT · 09/07/2019 13:29

@managedmis YABU because you should of replied "Thats fine as long as you know I am not taking any responsibility for SIL children only my own" 😁

TheCatDidSay · 09/07/2019 13:35

On another note. Who’s tent would these extras be sleeping in? Who has spare sleeping bags and air beds for then to use?

Some sites it per tent and others it’s per person to pay so who’s covering all of these costs.

NoSquirrels · 09/07/2019 13:41

The only reason I’d not fancy it is because I’d assume my 5 year old would be left out when the 3x older cousins of a similar age felt like it. And without a parent there to keep an eye on that it would be annoying. It would be a totally different dynamic to the 1 older cousin/1 younger cousin thing first proposed.

SavingSpaces2019 · 09/07/2019 13:43

SIL1 is being a CF Grin

BlueSkiesLies · 09/07/2019 13:59

Sounds to me like SIL is responsible for the other SILs two teenagers, so no more work for you.

Binglebong · 09/07/2019 13:59

Unless you have a people carrier this would also mean an extra car. So you couldn't even consider going for a pub lunch and adults taking turns to have a drink. Not that you would be able to afford it with two extra adult appetites! Add in arguments about who goes in which car too...

WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 09/07/2019 14:15

@billy1966 that's a massive peeve of mine as well. Especially change of venue, usually to somewhere much less convenient to me.

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