To think taking another two kids camping would bother me?

[managedmis]

SIL asked if I wanted to go camping a couple of weeks ago, her and her DS, me and my DS. Fine, could be fun, boys get along well, we can all have a camp fire and wine once they sleep.

Confirmation text yesterday: still wanna go camping? Yes, sure. Oh, BTW the other SIL will come too, with her kids. OK, no problem.

Then changed it to SIL isn't coming, but her two kids will.

So, there's me, DS (5) her, her DS (12) and their two cousins, (12 & 14)

So I said no, it's too much like hard work, I won't be going. I didn't think it'd bother you she said.

AIBU?

Very good point shiningstar2

I think you 5 year old would probably end up being left out by his older cousins as they're all a similar age. That would put me off, and the extra work.

Depends on the kids and you are quite entitled to say no!

It doesn't really mater how nice, hard work, present, invisible, loud etc the 2 kids are... OP didn't agree to babysit them on her holiday! It is her holiday, it is not a teen holiday camp with her as one of the redcoats.

If she wants to say no she can!

Sounds great for the teenagers, not so much for the 5yo. 5yo will need completely different things.

She should have asked first, but as far as your excuse re the amount & ages of the kids go, YABU. We camp all the time & it's no extra work at all with the older ones.

If it's because you feel she manipulated the situation to dump the kids I you, then YANBU, but need to say that rather than make lame excuses

No wouldn't bother me a joy . I have 3 dcs and 4 dscs so another adult along would be a walk in the park.! I also love camping and have very lax standards 😊

Joy -Jot

I agree with @shiningstar2

You will be entertaining your 5yo the whole time while the three oldest run around together. Plus any trips are no longer 50% suitable for your child, 50% the original 12yo, but I would argue that having 3x older children, any trips are more likely skewed towards that majority.

Regardless of how wonderful the oldest cousins are you are still responsible for them. Still need to enforce some rules, facilitate any calls home, factor in their preferences. I wouldn't do it without being asked first.

Thanks everyone

@shiningstar2 has it in spades. Your 5 year old DS will likely be excluded by the older kids quite a bit.

Your cheeky SIL has just artfully stolen a child free weekend for herself. What will she being doing in peace and quiet at home while you're supervising her tweens?

YANBU. Watching your own single child is a world away from having joint responsibility for two much older children, especially around things like water and fire. It's also massively changed the dynamic of the trip to one that will be skewed towards the interests of older children.

I don't think I'd have had the gumption to say that's why I wasn't going but good for you for saying something. I do feel bad for your other SIL who is now stuck managing 3 tweenage boys on her own, but I guess she agreed to it so 🤷‍♀️

I think YABU, the only child who needs constant watching is your son, the other kids unless they are real brats will be a breeze.

@StoppinBy 'a breeze'?!

I grew up with brothers and often went camping as part of my co-educational schooling. I saw boys that age play with fire, sneak off at night, chase each other with spray cans, throw rocks at wildlife, urinate on each other as a game... that's just off the top of my head 20 odd years later. And it was a posh and incredibly strict school with lots of trained teachers trying to pull them back in line.

Two 12 year olds and one 14 year old around a large body of water, an open fire (plus lots of sticks and flammable things to play with), no parental supervision, hyping each other up and egging each other on... no bloody way.

3 teens together will go off without your Ds.

Her Ds will probably have a better time with his cousins there, but your Ds probably will feel excluded.

Your ds would have been left out and you’d have ended up with far more work feeding and supervising over excited young teens. Go camping with your ds for a couple of nights. It will be a wonderful adventure for him and you can do life at a 5 yos pace.

That SIL would have to be seriously ill, or other exceptional circumstance, for this to be a ‘yes’ from me. And not last minute, either.

The extra gear, expense, navigating a teen routine- none of these would be fine with me. It’d be the difference between holiday and drudgery for me. But I’m a grumpy older mum. Many of my mum mates would think nothing of it (or enjoy the martyrdom ).

I generally hate late changes to arrangements, and people assuming I’ll go along with ‘the more the merrier’ as they make offers on my behalf. I’d be out too.

Yanbu. You're not a child minding service.

I think they’d probably make less work for her as her DS would be off playing with them but for your DS he’d be left out a bit or trying to join in with older boy games so make it more difficult for you.

YANBU. You ask, you don’t assume. Two teenagers will completely change the trip.

Would be a no from me

Everyone saying how easy they are at that age hasn’t met a fair few of the 12 and 14 year olds I know

I’d be v anxious if they wandered off to swim etc if they weren’t my kids

They may feel independent at that age and roam round the site or local area and it’s really tough when they aren’t your own and you have no idea what their boundaries are or how sensible they will be.

Plus it’s an extra tent to put up and a fair bit more food to buy cook and carry (boys at that age have enormous appetites IME)

Cheeky of the SIL no doubt about it.

Plus, with two small kids it’s a weekend of net fishing, walks, picnics and birdwatching. With two teens, it’s “Where’s my charger?” and “I’m booooored.”

Sorry, didn’t realise one of the original boys was 12. Nightmare!

Though 12 yo and up can be very self sufficient , Camping.

At that age mine put up the tents, slept in their own tent (had a pup tent on their own since 9), barbecued and tended the fire, did the washing up and were brilliant at folding tents and getting them back in the bag.

They did eat a lot (a LOT), and they certainly didn’t go to bed while we sat round the fire.

Yanbu. Your dc is much smaller and will probably be left out, plus they'll be more moaning when you do things too babyish for the teens for your dc.

How are SILs kids with your 5 year old normally?