Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think taking another two kids camping would bother me?

126 replies

managedmis · 08/07/2019 21:06

SIL asked if I wanted to go camping a couple of weeks ago, her and her DS, me and my DS. Fine, could be fun, boys get along well, we can all have a camp fire and wine once they sleep.

Confirmation text yesterday: still wanna go camping? Yes, sure. Oh, BTW the other SIL will come too, with her kids. OK, no problem.

Then changed it to SIL isn't coming, but her two kids will.

So, there's me, DS (5) her, her DS (12) and their two cousins, (12 & 14)

So I said no, it's too much like hard work, I won't be going. I didn't think it'd bother you she said.

AIBU?

OP posts:
ComeAndDance · 09/07/2019 08:23

You in the other side, will have to fully supervise and still entertain your own ds as he is so much younger....

TheHandsOfNeilBuchanan · 09/07/2019 08:24

It wouldn't bother me unless there's a massive drip feed about the 14 year old being a knife toting, weed smoking gang member type, who needs an eye kept on them 24/7. Generally a 14 & 12 year old will need little input and will actually entertain the little ones some of the time.

Juells · 09/07/2019 08:25

I've become a lot more suspicious - nowadays the thought would at least cross my mind that that might have always been the plan, but SiL didn't want to have to look after three teenagers/almost teenagers on her own.

It doesn't sound like a holiday at all, it sounds like babysitting other people's children.

notacooldad · 09/07/2019 08:25

one adults, four kids
Our work ratio is more than that!! ,( not a school or teacher)
When we take kids camping (work) its 2 to 6 or 8.so the numbers wouldn't be an issue for me.i know it's not the main point but it's one you raised

Those saying the older ones wouldn't include your 5 year old, well the original kid going may not have wanted to hang out with a 5 year old either and would be glad if the company of the others

At 12 all of mine still enjoyed playing with a younger cousin when there were no older ones about. A chance to go back a few years and play the games they think they are too old for now
I bloody well hated having to play with my younger cousin! Hated it!!! I was expected to so mum and her sister could relax and we 'would have fun to be together '
I knew it was for the adults benefit and not ours.we used to go to a campsite near Talacre and it was better with more children.

NCforthis2019 · 09/07/2019 08:27

Surely this is dependent on the teens?! Are the abhorrent little teenagers who cause trouble and will put you out? Or are the well behaved and potentially could help with keeping the younger ones happy?

thedevondumpling · 09/07/2019 08:35

Depends on the kids, I've got 5 year old GS for a few weeks in the summer while parents working and I've roped 14 and 12 year old GSs to come and help with entertaining him. They all get on well, little one idolises the older two and they are brilliant with him but of course it wouldn't work like that with all kids.

I haven't voted as I don't know the kids so no idea if is BU or not.

NoParticularPattern · 09/07/2019 08:36

YANBU. The older kids would all be off together doing whatever it is that they want to do and you’d be left with your 5yo to entertain. Sounds like the second SIL is a lot like one of mine- views “holidays” etc as an opportunity to have someone else look after her kids for nothing. And if she doesn’t have to go at all then even more bonus points.

PenelopeFlintstone · 09/07/2019 08:39

Two extra kids wouldn't bother me at all, but the age is the problem. Your little one will be upset at being left out all the time.

Ragwort · 09/07/2019 08:39

The way I’ve read it is that you will be two adults with four children, all cousins. Assuming you all get along well it should be OK but agree the other SIL is being cheeky not to ask, but maybe she did ask your other SIL who was fine about it? Confused. Are the two SILs actual sisters?

diddl · 09/07/2019 08:41

Well unless Op was going to ask the original 12yr old to look after her son, it was always going to fall to her.

Although I can see how with the others there he might need "entertaining" more as the other three might want to do things together.

Or the 14yr old off alone, 2x 12yr olds together, whatever permutation!

That said, it's 2 more kids to be responsible for, however helpful/not noticeable they might be & if Op doesn't want to do it then that's fine, isn't it?

Wonder if the SIL will go on her own or will now insist that the other join her?

applepieicecream · 09/07/2019 08:56

Wouldn’t bother me a bit.

LakieLady · 09/07/2019 08:56

Cooking for 2 extra teens when you are already cooking is not much extra work at all - you just cook more of the same surely.

That's assuming they'll eat more of the same! Teens can be shockingly fussy when it comes to food ime.

And just "cooking more" means taking taking bigger pots, pans, more plates etc and when using a camping stove takes infinitely longer.

I wouldn't do it. Bored teens are a nightmare and stroppy teens are even worse!

TheRedBarrows · 09/07/2019 08:56

I agree all the 12 year olds I know get really hacked off if expected to incorporate young children into their activities.

For an occasional hour when they have fun indulging the little ones but not all the time. They have such different needs and tastes.

TheRedBarrows · 09/07/2019 08:58

But blimey, my teens and all their friends have been fantastic when camping! No stropiness, fussiness etc.

Whining clingy 5 year olds however...

theunrivalledjoysofparenting · 09/07/2019 09:02

The work load is irrelevant, OP should have been asked if she was willing to supervise 2 teens on what was supposed to be a nice camping trip with her child.

This.

Bloody cheeky. The 5yo will be left out - unless the other dc are unusually nice. The SIl should have asked. Do the 12yo and 14yo even want to come?? Do they like camping?

notacooldad · 09/07/2019 09:04

That's assuming they'll eat more of the same! Teens can be shockingly fussy when it comes to food ime.
I agree with you, to a point.

I have found when teenagers have been away from their parents, sometimes some may protest they dont like something but when faced with ' well, that's all there is' and their friends eat it often they aren't as fussy as they think they are!!

CruellaFeinberg · 09/07/2019 09:06

have you gone back and said - No SIL, no DC

notacooldad · 09/07/2019 09:07

I'm not getting the posts about 'bored whiney teenagers'
I'd take a handful of teenagers any day of the week rather than a 5 year old that gets tired and needs to go to bed earlier.
The teens are good company for each other and I find them more entertaining and easier to entertain.

LondonJax · 09/07/2019 09:07

But these aren't random kids you don't know are they OP?

From the way I've read it these are the children of your two SILs? So either the sisters of your DH or the wives of your DBs (or a mixture)? So the kids are all cousins - not just friends of your Dnephew.

So you know them well. Therefore you know their personalities. Are they, like my DNieces, always prepared to look after my DS (he's 7 years plus younger than the other cousins but they've always included him in everything). Or are they all likely to bugger off and play together?

What's the actual problem if they're good kids, family, play with your DS?

I'd be annoyed at all the arrangements going on behind my back (and probably more annoyed at a SIL getting a child free weekend - she'd definitely be paying that one back!) but if it were my Dnieces and nephews I wouldn't have a problem (and haven't).

ComeAndDance · 09/07/2019 09:12

That's assuming they'll eat more of the same! Teens can be shockingly fussy when it comes to food ime.

I d8nt know my two teens are an issue in so far that they eat twice as much as me. But being fussy? Sorry but no. If they are hungry, they eat what is on their plate. These are teenagers, not 5yo.
(Or they are welcome to do their own cooking and washing up).

that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 · 09/07/2019 09:14

It would be different if it has been the set up from the start. If SIL has to change her plans, she should have asked you if you still wanted to go ahead.

It's quite rude of her not to. YANBU at all.

ReanimatedSGB · 09/07/2019 09:15

YANBU for not wanting to do it as it would be you umbered with more of the work - the SIL who is going will expect the other SIL's DC to entertain her 12 year old so she can read/sunbathe etc whereas you will have to look after your 5 year old and by default you will end up with much more of the campsite mummy role.

But as to how much of a row you want to have about it: is your not-coming SIL after free childcare or is she unwell/been called in to work and can't get out of it?

Deadringer · 09/07/2019 09:16

Not in a million years. The 14 year old will probably be bored stiff and be a right pain, no matter how nice and well behaved they are. You are not used to teens I assume, the dynamic of one parent one child would work really well I think but two extra kids totally mess that up. If this was a situation where someone was stuck and needed urgent childcare i would do it no problem, but this is your holiday and you are entitled to relax and enjoy it without additional worries and responsibilities. It could work out great but I wouldn't risk it.

fedup21 · 09/07/2019 09:18

Has the OP come back and given any more information about why these children’s mother is now not coming?

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 09/07/2019 09:22

I’d rather take a bunch of teens than a 5 year old, even if the 5 year olds parent is there