To wonder how many people don't do their spouse's laundry?

[Goostacean]

I see this on threads quite regularly: OP says they do cleaning/laundry etc, next posters say "why do you do [his] laundry?"

Do many households have separate laundry baskets- one per person? Or do people mean they take turns to do communal loads? How many of you only do your own laundry?

I've only ever seen this on MN, although in fairness I've not made a habit of asking friends and acquaintances how they manage the load (excuse the pun) in their households...

AIBU to ask what happens in your homes?

I do all the laundry. I hate it - it's one of my least favourite jobs, but I work part time and am simply at home more to do it. The dc put theirs away though.

Separate bathrooms, separate laundry baskets. He uses the en suite, I use the main bathroom which is bigger and has natural light.

We used to live in a smaller flat with one bathroom/laundry basket, I used to do all the laundry then

I've been doing my own laundry since I was pre-teen, so has DH. So it was pretty natural for us to just do our own. Also, our clothes normally require different cycles: DH doesn't sort light/dark and does everything on cotton warm. I sort colours, as well as delicates/cotton and cold/warm. So many of my loads are irrelevant to DH"s clothes - and he always has enough for a full load of his.

Either of us will call out to the other, for example, asking if any underwear socks needs to be added, or if I don't have a full load, I'll add some of DH's. DH does DD's school clothes in with his, but I do her other clothes (which are mostly cold delicate washes). I've started training her in her own washing, even though she's only 7 - she's really into her clothes, and I want her to understand if she wears three outfits a day, that makes for more work!

We each have our own laundry baskets - well, DD and I have laundry baskets. DH has a pile (inside of which is a basket, somewhere, I think...) of clothes that he has worn but some of which he intends to wear again. I have now learned to ask before just adding some of his clothes to my load, after one day when I washed all of his trousers and he had to wear an old ripped pair. I did once try to help him by "catching up" his laundry and washing it all, but it didn't take long to return to the giant pile and I have better things to do with my time than figure out what clothes he wants washed and which clothes are just holding for a wear-again.

Either of us will do the sheets/towels - usually me now, as DD thinks changing sheets is great fun and so it is something we do together.

I've never really seen it as a big issue, and if it makes sense for another couple to share, it doesn't bother me! But we're neither of us putting on partial loads or anything like that. And DH does laundry so infrequently it's not like there's much of an issue of scheduling.

I tend to do it all, as I'll split into lights and darks. If I only do mine I don't have enough for full loads, if I add DP's into the mix I do. He will put a load on himself if he needs to, but will then wash whatever I'd stored in the machine as well.

If I go away I've been known to leave a huge pile by the machine for him to do whilst I'm away.

We both do our family laundry. Running the washer and drying is done by us both, I do it more often as I work PT but he tends to do a load on his WFH day which is always one of my working days (helps childcare).
He does more ironing that I do, although I did some this morning watching the Handmaid’s Tale

I do the vast majority of the washing because I work part time and DH is full time. When we both worked full time we both did the washing. We've always had just the one laundry basket. In situations where you only do your own washing, who does the children's stuff?

I do the laundry, DH irons.

When we met he already did his own washing and I did mine. I got home from work earlier and there was a gradual creep where I ended up doing the cooking... and the washing up... and over time through maternity leaves and part time work then becoming a SAHM I've ended up gaining 95% of the routine household/ garden shit because I was in the house more (I enjoy gardening and find that relaxing rather than a chore). He does DIY and heavy projects which sometimes is a fair balance, and sometimes not.

So he can keep his two loads a week of washing. He favours a shove it all in the washer and dryer and turn the whole lot grey, then bung it in the drawers approach. I do my own and the kids as well as any extra household loads like bedding.

I seperate lights and darks. I seperate by owner and put away. I fold my stuff so it fits in the right drawers (the DCs have enough space so that's not necessary). I don't want him to ruin mine and the kids stuff or take on his, although I have pointed out that he can put his pale shirts in the lights basket, but he's not fussed about turning them into that washed out grey colour.

I see laundry as self care. I have the time to self care for the DCs and know what to prioritise for when for them. DH is a big boy and can manage his own laundry and pick out what he needs to prioritise. If he's struggling on time and makes a special request, that's not an issue and sometimes that works the other way too. I do enough already and he's content at doing his laundry his way.

I do most of the washing (on maternity leave so at home more), and just make up a full load from mine, DPs and the kids in similar colours. No sense in sticking in half a load of just mine and kids if he also has stuff in same colour DP also does it on the weekends. The bedding is his 'job' as I hate doing it.

But why, if you both work full time, should one person ( usually the woman) be expected to take on another household chore?

I find it easier to split chores properly than doing things as we go along.

So DH is in charge of the kids clubs for example, sport, hobbies, whatever. And he is fully in charge, I don't even think about them - if I am needed, he asks but they are not my problem.

I happen to do the laundry, because he's doing something else. It could just as well be the other way.

I think in most cases it's the woman, because in most cases (not all of course) it's the woman who tends to work shorter hours - so has more time to deal with things like that.
Even with a team of young people, mid 20s, the female elements tend to try to get away from working longer hours. It's a choice.

It could be either way, for me it's easier not to split laundry - even if we buy a 2nd washing machine.

We have separate laundry baskets and do our own. We both do the kids'.

So he can keep his two loads a week of washing.
blimey, even on my own I had more than that! (but to be fair, even living alone I had a king size bed - the beddings fills a machine quickly)

I do all the laundry because i enjoy doing it.

When I'm working OH has more off days than me so does his own laundry and a little of ours. When I'm not working I do most of the laundry

Man has time- does his own.
Woman has time- does everyone’s. Not fair on you at all.

In our house whoever goes past the full basket sticks a family wash on.

I saw the thread where a poster was jumped on for washing her husbands clothes. Seemed like misplaced outrage to me. I wouldn’t do say, a house mates washing, but father of my kids? Why not?? Why would he do a separate was like he was a boarder?

We do our own. My husband saves it all up and does 3 loads in one day and I'd rather so it as and when

Kids stuff and whites etc goes in piles and whomever is working from home that week will shove it in when theres enough

Most of our own stuff is dark and we usually got enough when you add in communal bits and bobs to make a full load

We both had housemates before moving in together so have always been used to doing our own. Seema a faff to us to have to get used to another person's washing habits as well as your own!

I do the washing, hanging, folding be as quite frankly he's crap at it and ruins the system. He puts his own stuff away.

Not having a tumble dryer solves all that. It all goes outside on the line or on a heated airer inside. Then what needs ironing is ironed

OMG but that is even MORE work! It’s the hanging up that takes the time. TD stuff is easy. In and on! I’m slowly transitioning to just TD everything and if it dies it dies.

And ironing? No. Nope. No way. Not in a million years.

I do my laundry once a week, partner does his.

Simple system here. We both chuck dirties in the basket. If there's enough for a full load one of us scoops it up and sticks it in the washer. Vaguely sensible efforts are made to sort it by colour. One of us bungs it in drier or out on line. It's all very good natured. We both work part time so it depends on who is about.
How can doing laundry be difficult?
Ironing done only if absolutely necessary, and generally but not always by person who needs ironed item

IIts interesting that for most of the posters who do their washing separately its the woman who is doing the DCs clothes. Why is that?*

Generally it’s because there’s school uniforms and I am off the weekend and he’s working.

I find it odd that people find it “odd” that I don’t do his washing. People really will find anything on here to try and make out they’re better than other people.

And usually the “why are you doing his laundry” posts don’t come a propos of nothing. It’s invariably where the husband is acting like a dick and doesn’t deserve a skivvy to clean and cook for him.

I can't get too hung about this. I do all the laundry for various reasons- it's a task I enjoy, I am at home all day. Some things I never do- empty the dishwasher, clean out the fridge, take out the bins. We don't share every task 50/50, but over all we share effort fairly.
It doesn't matter that my OH never does laundry.

So he can keep his two loads a week of washing.
blimey, even on my own I had more than that! (but to be fair, even living alone I had a king size bed - the beddings fills a machine quickly)

He'll tend to put in the towels from his en-suite with his stuff. The bedding, most other towels etc will go in communally through the week.

It's where laundry fits in the big picture of chores and time that matters, rather than in isolation. I got the shortest straw when working p/t as I still had a lot of work but gained a disproportinate amount of household tasks because I was visibly in the house more. Actually that still happened when I worked f/t to a lesser extent.

If he's not there at a meal time, if it's something that will keep, he can have some. He might be directed to something easy like a pizza.

I'd hate for all his self-sufficiency skills to atrophy away

@Aragog

Its interesting that for most of the posters who do their washing separately its the woman who is doing the DCs clothes. Why is that?

I’ve noticed it too. Frustrating that we get the larger workload default

We do our own. We have separate baskets and wait till we have full loads.

I find it much easier - no need to separate out when putting away, no confusion about where a particular item is, no criticism if it's not done fast enough.