About periods and holidays

[brummiesue]

Since turning 40 my cycle has changed a bit and ia anything from 23 days to 30. My periods are 'normal' last about a week with heavy/uncomfortable first 2 days tailing off. I cant use tampons or take norethisterone.
So my aibu, I have 3 weeks off work to go on holiday, because of my cycle I wanted to hold of booking until I had my last period so I could judge when best to go (for a week) to avoid having it while away in a hot country. We are looking for villas and my dh has thrown a wobbly saying that we have missed out on all the best villas leaving it until the last minute, apparantly noone else is ruled by their periods the way I am and I should just manage thoughts??

Peri-menopause is temporary. You'll be past this stage in 2+ years.

She’s 40 @lottiegarbanzo, not 50!

To respond to a pp, I think most of us are able to read and interpret the op correctly thank you!

The reason some of us are "going on" about horrific periods is in response to those posters who are minimising and dismissing period pain.

According to current societal norms, we should all suffer in silence as it's rather distasteful or "not quite cricket" to "bang on" about it!

Pity the female tennis players at Wimbledon this week whose menstrual cycles do not exactly support their professional ambitions! All while having to wear white pants too!

To address the op's issue in particular, if I was going away for one week's holiday this summer; damn right I would want to be feeling well for it! It's not remotely selfish to plan for that.

I had my period the last two times we went on a beach holiday. Since DD's birth I can't deal with tampons (nothing wrong physically but they are very uncomfortable) and a cup is not my cup of tea. The first two days/nights are awful and I stained more than one hotel sheet.

I just accept it. I need to book a holiday months in advance as I need to work together with colleagues splitting the school holidays, no way I would wait until a month before going, your DH is right, good deal will be gone fast.

Maybe look at period swimwear. DD wears Modibodi as period pants and they are fantastic. So far the price has kept me off but I am not a big swimmer anyway.

If there was one shitty villa left then I'd have sympathy for him, but if there are loads still left and he just wants The Perfect One then YANBU.

@Notcopingwellhere My understanding (and experience) is that perimeno typically lasts 3-5 years before periods cease altogether.

51 is the average age for British women to go through the menopause but there's a lot of variation. Perimeno at 40 leading to full menopause (one year on from last period) by 45 is perfectly normal.

The point is, it's a stage that won't go on forever.

I did have a holiday booked for my birthday last year which incidentally was around the time of my period. I took norethisterone, period went away and all was great. I understand this isn’t an option for you, any other pills you could take to delay it?

I wouldn’t be controlled by my period in all honesty, women do have to get up and carry on as shit as it is.

Booking holidays around periods is crazy. Every country in the world has women using sanpro. And if your periods are that bad, get to the doctor.

And if your periods are that bad, get to the doctor

Bless your naivety.

I have to be honest, I had really heavy periods, changing a super tampon every 2 hours. Had the Mirina coil put in, after a few months no periods- answer to my prayers!! They’ve stated again, upto 12 days bleeding. Nothing gyne causing it, just bad luck. Dp books our holidays around his work, I’ve never even considered my periods, except ‘oh bugger’ when I know it’s due. So I’m kind of with you dh on this I’m sorry.

Oh and i speak as a woman who had a hysterectomy due to a massive fibroid and horrendous periods. When it got to the stage it was affecting decisions about where to go and what to do, that was the time for medical intervention, not just hoping for an early menopause.

I think most people plan around their cycle

I really don’t think they do though. If I’ve wanted to take time off work I’ve generally had to give quite a bit of notice. I’ve booked spur of the moment holidays but most have been booked several months in advance, as per most people I know.

I’ve known people worrying about having their periods on their wedding day but as these things were booked months if not years in advance they couldn’t plan.

I’m not arguing whether it’s ideal to book things around your cycle (it would be great if we all could) but I disagree that many or most women do or would be able to.

When it got to the stage it was affecting decisions about where to go and what to do, that was the time for medical intervention

Great that you were taken seriously. I'm sure you appreciate though that not all PCTs are the same.

Don't ask people who have no idea what horrendous periods are for their advice.

It's great if you can wear a small tampax and wear a bikini all day - good for you.
If you are dealing with horrendously heavy periods, go through a maternity pad in 1 hour, are throwing up in pain, it's not so great. Tampons make 0 difference, it's not like they stop blood when it's bad - ever tried to wear a tampon when you had a miscarriage? Same thing.

YANBU at all but yes, you could try to get medical help (good luck with that).
If you can book around your periods, good.

If you can't, you'll have to compromise. If you have a villa with a pool, or beach access, you can wear shorts and use your own bathroom through the day. It's not ideal.

Ultimately, your partner should support you, not treat your condition like an inconvenience for him.

YANBU. I'm in a similar situation, but thankfully I can take norethisterone - or at least I have before with no ill effect. Last year's holiday (UK based) had four days of me needing to be near a loo every two hours max, which dictated where we went. It was a very hot week, and I couldn't wear what I would have liked to in case of flooding. I had to sleep on a towel in case of leakages.

This year we wanted a swimming and sun holiday, and DH sat down with the calendar and asked when would be best to book. He realises that if my period causes a bad holiday for me, it won't be much fun for them either. As it turns out, my cycle is a bit changeable of late, so norethisterone it is for me.

15 years ago, I'd have been astonished that somebody planned their holiday around their periods. But that was then. Things have changed for me over the years from something I barely gave a thought to, to something I have to plan my life around. Roll on the menopause.

Oh bless you... I'm surprised at how unsympathetic people are about this.

Periods suck. I despise them. I always get moody and grumpy, lack of sleep, too sodding hot (which would be even worse in a hot country), changing tampons or towels, constantly craving chocolate.

You won't be able to even swim if you can't use tampons.

Pretty sure my OH would have no objection to booking around my period as it would be hell for him 🤣 I think your OH is being harsh. You should be allowed to enjoy the holiday as well and I don't think you would if you had your period on holiday.

Some people just don't get it though... hugs.

You can use period swimwear to swim without tampons

Yeah I don't really understand this thread. Why wouldn't you want to book the holiday around your period? If she can't use tampons it really changes things - on a swimming/beach holiday when you're in and out of the water all day. I know I'd prefer not to deal with that. Yes I'm sure people 'manage' with it but you don't want to have to 'manage' on a holiday.

If I had 3 weeks period where I could take a holiday, and was looking for 1 week during that time, of course I'd try to book it in the 2/3 of the time where I wouldn't have a period. She explained for the first 2 days she has to change pads every 2 hours, and get up every 3 hours in the night. Who wants to bother with that on holiday? Or to have restrictions on swimming or faff about with all of that?

I remember being on holiday and going on a boat cruise with family, everyone was swimming off the boat. I decided I wanted to swim too, had to take tampon out after, there was NO BIN on this boat, I didn't know what the fuck to do with the bloody tampon. I was 15 or 16, it was gross. I'd much rather have no issues or restrictions on swimming or activities, it makes perfect sense to me. Some beaches aren't even near toilets also. I'd rather not have to plan to take a bag, take tampons, be somewhere where I can change a tampon, it would have in the past ruled out long hikes, going to islands without facilities, etc.

Period underwear/swimwear can give a gal Bacterial Vaginosis (it’s not breathable!) if you are a sensitive/susceptible type. Just a warning (and they can’t handle perimenopausal flooding v.well either).

Why wouldn't you want to book the holiday around your period?

If I go on holiday I prefer to book it long in advance to make it cheaper. I have animals and need to organise care for them in advance. My periods are irregular so I have no idea when one will next happen. They can be mercifully light or I can be subject to perimenopausal flooding. So I could go the expense and inconvenience of last-minute travel for nothing. Also, I just prefer to know what I'm doing in advance so that I can organise things. Even though my periods can be quite debilitating, they aren't something i want to factor in because they get in the way of everything else.

For me personally I would rather arrange my holiday around all the other factors - work, expense, climate, travel - not my period. For that I'd rather make sure I have plenty of sanpro, many pairs of knickers and dark-coloured trousers. I appreciate we're not all the same, but that is my way of dealing with this. It probably helps that I don't like swimming.

@Belenus - I agree. My colleagues and I sit down in September to divide school holidays between us. Hardly anyone can pinpoint a period 10-11 months in advance.

Also I have a DD on the ADHD spectrum. Last minute decisions are poison for her.

She’s 40 @lottiegarbanzo, not 50!

I was 38 when I started perimenopause, 50 is the average age but it can start any time between late 30s to early 60s.

But as for it’s temporary - 2+ years and it’s over It was 6 years for me, I’d never have gone anywhere if holidays and other activities depended on planning around increasingly unpredictable - time, duration, flow - periods. Sorry OP but there are no one size fits all answers and if you are in perimenopause you are going to face increasing difficulty in planning holidays for the foreseeable.

Thanks @reluctantbrit. I am sympathetic to those who have hellish periods. I remember the first time I flooded and how worried it made me. I want through pads and trousers and I'd never felt anything remotely like it. I was at work and we didn't have so much as a bin in the toilets. I felt dizzy, I had meetings to go to, there was no-one there who I would have confided in. I was lucky that, because I cycle, I had spare trousers with me and I had plenty of sanpro. But I still don't want to organise my holidays around this.

Argh, you've 'alerted' me by quoting a post that tags me. As clarified that time (on the 2+ years, given she's in perimeno already):

^My understanding (and experience) is that perimeno typically lasts 3-5 years before periods cease altogether.

51 is the average age for British women to go through the menopause but there's a lot of variation. Perimeno at 40 leading to full menopause (one year on from last period) by 45 is perfectly normal.

The point is, it's a stage that won't go on forever.^

Why can't you use tampons? You could surely use them when going in pool or sea, if not at other times.

You could go on the contraceptive pill and take it continually (I think that's called 'back to back'), which would stop you having a bleed. You could come off it when home again.

However people do go on holiday when they are having a period and manage quite well.

@Rachelover40 op has already said it's because she has a prolapse