About periods and holidays

[brummiesue]

Since turning 40 my cycle has changed a bit and ia anything from 23 days to 30. My periods are 'normal' last about a week with heavy/uncomfortable first 2 days tailing off. I cant use tampons or take norethisterone.
So my aibu, I have 3 weeks off work to go on holiday, because of my cycle I wanted to hold of booking until I had my last period so I could judge when best to go (for a week) to avoid having it while away in a hot country. We are looking for villas and my dh has thrown a wobbly saying that we have missed out on all the best villas leaving it until the last minute, apparantly noone else is ruled by their periods the way I am and I should just manage thoughts??

OK the 3 week thing makes more sense now. All these people going on about horrific periods though- OP has expressly said that hers are normal.

I would say that here the question is finely balanced- what practical difference does it make to the holiday if OP waits until she has her next period to book it? The DH thinks it makes a big difference, basically not getting the accommodation they want would be a worse problem than OP having her period whilst there. She on the other hand is more willing to compromise on villa if she can guarantee no period. She also thinks that there is no villa compromise to be made anyway.

It’s all about the specific facts and the couple’s relative priorities here.

It is annoying

I wish my periods were merely "annoying". Thankfully I can take norethisterone without side effects. I'm just annoyed it took me so long to discover it.

I am a bit at some of the suggestions that I put up with it for the sake of my family having a good holiday - like im being selfish. We will still be going abroad to a beautiful villa in a sunny destination, my kids will not miss out at all. Hes just being arsey as he thinks we would have booked some amazing place if we had done it a few months ago.

To be fair OP, many people have given some really helpful suggestions which you're completely ignoring.

And whats 'normal' to me is 2 days of changing pads every 2 odd hours in the day else I bleed through, 3 odd times at night or I ruin the bed. Accompanied by a heavy dragging sensation and sore vulva to the point where it hurts to sit down. Thats my normal.

If you’re 40, I’m presuming you’re not planning to have any/any more dc?

If that is the case, might it be worth looking at getting a Mirena coil?

Perimenopause periods are pretty bonkers. I totally hear you on that one.

Can understand why it’s frustrating for your DH, it presumably he agreed to leaving it last to the last minute to book, so there is no point in kicking up a fuss now.

If there are still loads of villas available then I think your DH is being a bit out of order. I think him being fussy about which villa you book should not trump your comfort on a holiday.

@brummiesue You are being 100% reasonable and not sure why you feel otherwise.

I'm on HRT and have periods still with it (in my 60s.) I do make social arrangements around the period because they are quite heavy sometimes and like you I can't use tampons after pelvic repair surgery.

You might like to think about the Mirena if that is an option if your periods get heavier.

Why can't you use Norethisterone? Out of interest.

Op does have the ‘luxury’ of booking her holiday around her period so why wouldn’t she do so. She is going on holiday for 1 week so it would be a shame to have the holiday spoilt by a period if it can be avoided.

My periods have changed since hitting 40 but they are 3 days shorter and a bit lighter. I book my holiday well in advance but still groan if I realise it’s going to be on holiday and we tend to go for a fortnight. I would just sooner not deal with it.

I’m sure there will still be a good selection of villas available to book. People do cancel as well.

OP modibodi will change your life.

And also this idea that women should just suck it up, take hormonal birth control, drugs to stop a period or generally ignore or power through what can often be really debilitating period wise (especially if you have issues like the OP) is a sad sign of the times.

I think better birth control for women has been amazing, but with it has come the expectation that periods ought to be easily ignored or dealt with and if you have any issues you are somehow 'weak' or something.

It's bad enough that men like the OP's husband argue that other women are not ruled by their periods, without women jumping on board to do the same.

If you’re 40, I’m presuming you’re not planning to have any/any more dc?

@Lindellia why would you presume that? Women have babies over 40 all the time! My DS was born when I was 43.

OP I think that the issue here is that your DH has no empathy or respect for how this will affect your holiday and, rather than looking at the actual downside is just sulkily speculating that your request to wait will mean that the holiday is less good for him. That is very selfish and also doesn’t seem to be based in fact. If you are getting up 2 hourly overnight to change pads he must know how disruptive your periods are. YANBU.

People with migraines can usually use the mini pill, have you been to your gp to discuss. It completely stopped my periods.

I've just been on a holiday where the period started on a flight out. It was hard work explaining to the kids why I wouldn't go into the pool for a few days! I got over it by the end. It's a tricky one!

I've just been on a holiday where the period started on a flight out. It was hard work explaining to the kids why I wouldn't go into the pool for a few days!

Really?

It sounds like the OP has reasons to not find the suggestions helpful. Hopefully they may help others.

It sounds to me like OP already has a good plan in place. 3 weeks booked off work to be able to choose 1 week that she can holiday period free. Once she knows which week suits she can book up. Presumably it is the OP who is doing all the leg work of booking the holiday and the rest of the family will benefit from the planning.

I think most people plan around their cycle. I have given up doing so as I now have 2 teen dd’s and there’s not much chance of booking a week away without one of us being in our period. Mine are pretty heavy and I can’t use tampons. I enjoy swimming and water activities but I find ways around it or just don’t go, I wear a wet suit if in the sea and obviously avoid pools when it’s that time of the month but it’s not the end of the world for me as the type of holiday I like can be enjoyed without wearing a bikini or swimming, I understand that it can be a pain though. I have tried pills from my gp and they haven’t worked, for me the only thing that works is being on the pill and planning to have a period the week before I go away.

And also this idea that women should just suck it up, take hormonal birth control, drugs to stop a period or generally ignore or power through what can often be really debilitating period wise (especially if you have issues like the OP) is a sad sign of the times

Being able to take medication to delay periods was utterly life-changing for me, hence why I suggested it.

Your DH is talking bollocks. Many women have problem periods and the other stuff which goes with them which can make holiday planning at least a bit tricky. In the run up to menopause (yippee! free at last) they can become more haywire.

He's not very understanding, is he? However, could you see the GP?There may be other products apart from noretheristerone which could help. Otherwise stock up on sanpro and painkillers. I hope you are able to enjoy your holiday.

1. The very best villas will have been booked a year or more ahead, as people re-booked the place they were in last summer, or even earlier, where they've stayed for years and sussed out the best ones.

2. Peri-menopause is temporary. You'll be past this stage in 2+ years.

3. Your three-week window gives you a choice you might not get every year.

4. The holiday is for the whole family. What's the total cost/benefit of waiting? Is there any material difference to the facilities avaiable to the DCs? (I'd have thought unlikely, they still get to do the same activities in the same place). Is there a real disadvantage to the less desirable villas?

For all the people suggesting I am being precious, if you could holiday within a 3 week period when you knew it wouldn't be your period are you honestly saying you wouldn't do it?

I'm perimenopausal. I've gone from 30 years of very regular and manageable periods to very irregular periods and some nasty incidences of flooding. I couldn't guarantee the timing no matter what, so I'd just be prepared and go on holiday when I wanted to. Otherwise I know I would risk not being able to plan in advance, spending way over the odds on flights and accommodation and still having a heavy period.

I can see why you want this OP but I can also see it from your husband's point of view. If money is no issue for you, fine. But I don't think either of you is being particularly unreasonable or that there is a right answer. And honestly, as someone who sometimes has hellish periods, I'm not going to let them dictate to me any more than they have to.

And also this idea that women should just suck it up, take hormonal birth control, drugs to stop a period or generally ignore or power through what can often be really debilitating period wise (especially if you have issues like the OP) is a sad sign of the times

Quite the opposite for me. I went from bleeding every day for 2 years to absolutely nothing and have been bleed free for 4 years now.

Why do you think it's sad for women to take drugs to stop a debilitating period? Personally I think it's great that we have these options.

He's an selfish arsehole. When younger I felt pressure to try to carry on as normal and pretend that I wasn't in pain or uncomfortable or worried about leaking but as time went on I absolutely manage things around my period when I need to. My husband is very supportive I am so glad to say and think so fit even when I forget. There are things we have completely missed out on (eg one off day events) and he does not make any complaint at all. Its just life. So yes, show your 'D'H this thread. Not all men are heartless bastards.

The tide really turned one days some years ago when I described in rather great detail how I felt like my underparts had been bludgeoned with a bat and someone was carving a steak out of my insides... I had taken rather a lot of codeine and was beside myself with pain and tiredness... since then he has been more understanding than ever.

Your DH should be glad its not happening to him. He'll still get a holiday in the sun.

If you're not planning more kids ask about an endometrial ablation, was life changing for me. Obviously doesn't help the holiday issue.