To still feel shaken / upset at hospital

[26mcjrfm]

This may be long, apologies.

I gave birth to my DD2, 2 weeks ago. I went to admissions when contractions were 4 in 10mins and I was in significant pain. The midwife was very rough with me, and triggered a panic attack when she examined me. She wouldn’t let DP in to the room as I had requested during the examination (?) She then informed me that I was not in labour at all as I was only 2cm, and suggested I was widely exaggerating my pain. I started crying at this stage, and got very panicked and upset, so she agreed to admit me to the antenatal ward until I had established labour. I asked would I have access to pain relief there and she assured me I could have gas and air and anything bar an epidural.

DD1 was back to back, and from the scans, so was DD2. During my labour with DD1, I was contracting continuously but was not dilating. I laboured like this in immense pain for 21 hours until I got to 3cm and they agreed to an epidural, and within 2 hours I had given birth.

When I got to the antenatal ward I asked for gas and air, and was told “you’re not in labour, you’ll get no pain relief here. I’ll run you a bath”. I explained what happened in my previous labour, and they just repeated again that I wasn’t in established labour as only 2cm. Now at this stage I was squealing the ward down in pain, begging for pain relief and was given 2 paracetamol. The midwives were visibly rolling their eyes at me and telling me to calm down. Every contraction was triggering another panic attack (I’d never experienced a panic attack until this day) and it got to the stage that I was pushing. I knew something wasn’t right but no one would listen. At 4pm I cried and begged for an epidural, so they examined me and said ok you’re 3cm now, we’ll see if delivery will accept you.

I arrived to delivery suite at 4.32pm and immediately requested an epidural. They hooked me up to foetal heart monitor and examined me and I was 9cm, so too late for epidural. Next thing, they hit the crash button and a consultant came running in. She explained to me that baby was extremely distressed and needed delivered, so she was going to manually remove the remaining cervix as I pushed. I was in agony. This didn’t work, so she started getting visibly distressed herself, calling out that theatre needed cleared out as this baby needed to be delivered. I consented to a c-section and just as we were about to go, my waters broke and she tried again and DD2 was delivered. After she had to be resuscitated but has made a fantastic recovery and we’re both doing great.

The consultant came back later that evening and explained that she came from an EMCS to me as my baby’s HR was at 60bpm for 8mins when it should be between 110-160 during labour. She explained that guidelines state that if foetal HR is lowered for more than 9mins it can be fatal, which is why it was essential that my baby was delivered ASAP. I am forever grateful to the midwives and doctors that helped deliver DD and save her life.

But I am so annoyed at the midwives at admissions and on antenatal ward who did not listen one bit to me, rolled their eyes, and refused me pain relief when I was so clearly distressed and telling them that I was in labour.

I have discussed this with my community midwife, who has suggested I request to talk to someone regarding my care and to get access to my green notes. But I don’t know what I would say. I have no grievance as DD and I are perfectly fine. But I just wish someone listened to me.

I guess I am asking WWYD? Would you request to speak to someone in the hospital? Or would you be thankful all worked out ok and take time to reflect yourself?

IME, midwives don't actually give a shit about women in pain. I've given birth to 4 DC, and I've yet to meet a MW that has an ounce of empathy. I wouldn't expect an apology. I would expect a barrage of lies.

I'm really sorry to hear about your experience and reading this brought back some terrifying memories of my first birth. Thank goodness both you and your baby are well but it could so easily have been a different outcome. Most definitely take this up with PALS as that standard of care is unacceptable. That attitude of those midwives is both cruel and also dangerous. Give yourself time as it must still be very emotional and you could well be suffering with post traumatic stress after what you have been through. I know I felt like I and my baby had survived a horror story rather than a birth and it took me a long time to recover and to stop reliving it. Even now 14 years later I can still recall the dismissive and unsympathetic midwives when I was at my most helplessness.

I would complain, I had a similar lack of care around my second birth including one Midwife telling me it was 'supposed to hurt' and only examining me after another midwife passing by the ward said she should. I was then left for hours postnatally with no checks, no food or water. I wanted nothing else to do with the hospital but over 5 years later wish I had made a complaint and still find it upsetting.

@26mcjrfm I'm so sorry you had this experience. I had a similar experience with my 4th and will always regret not making a formal complaint. My heart stopped after post partum haemorrhage and had to be shocked.
A year after a woman and her baby both died at same hospital in very similar circumstances. I heard about it and contacted her husbands legal team to make a full statement. The hospital was severely criticised and I will always feel guilty I didn't report at the time xx

I think we need to balance this up
We can not accuse of Midwives of having no empathy for pain
I am so sorry for your experience .. make sure you write details and dates etc ...totally unacceptable...good luck and many congratulations to you 😀💐

I had a similar experience. Wish I’d complained but like you we came out the other side and life with a new baby got in the way. Women and their babies subsequently died at the hospital I was “cared” for in and the maternity department was closed. Horrible place. Will never forget the MW who sneered “you’re not pushing you’re just shouting” or “if you were in labour you’d know”, and asking for a hot water bottle to ease a never ending back to back labour and told it was against health and safety. They seemed to relish their cruelty.

Son pushed post button.. 😆

Anyway, head consultant was pushing for an induction from 24 wks despite all my tests being normal and sonographers saying baby was fine. Took over my care from the midwife without my consent, said my baby was going to be this massive thing while again being told by sonographers that baby was absolutely fine and healthy and didn’t know what the issue was. Had a different consultant each visit towards the end saying how massive he was and she wanted to induce at 36 wks because he “looked” big. I knew baby wasn’t big due to feel and my size and said no because none of her team could provide any evidence that an induction was medically necessary. Ordered more test including twice a week with a Doppler, and ultrasounds. The hcps that did those said everything was good and healthy but the consultants were pushing us towards induction. Even said we were killing our baby by not doing so. Induced at 39, induction failed, barely progressed past 3 cm, verbally abused by consultants because I wasn’t progressing fast enough, was even told to hurry up because they needed the room, emergency c-section, and our baby wasn’t breathing (didn’t find that out until we had birth reflections). Our massive son wasn’t even 7 lbs. Husband and I both traumatised to the point husband didn’t want to try for a second child . If it wasn’t for a kind midwife who checked on me I wouldn’t have said anything. She suggested I get a birth debrief and report what happened. Had one and it was agreed that it was absolutely unnecessary to induce me and they couldn’t understand why it was pushed in the first place. I had a much better experience the second time around, changes had been made and all but one hcp was lovely and understanding. It helped me heal from the first time around.

Report it so there is less chance that another woman experiences the same as you. Congrats on the new baby.

I had very poor treatment on the postnatal ward and emailed to complain. I had a very apologetic email back and they said they would be speaking with the midwives about how they were dealing with new mums. I like to think this really happened and that I helped some other new mums to be treated more kindly than I was. Honestly do not understand lack of sympathy towards women in labour/post birth. Anyone else experiencing these levels of pain and trauma through illness or injury would not be ignored (I hope)! It is definitely worth you complaining op. It will also help you to move on.

First labour similar. Yes, you should have a debriefing, there should be an apology and the midwives who dealt with you ahould be made to take additional training and have their performance monitored.

My son is 24 OP. I shoukd have done that.

I was at 1cm and in immense pain, but gave birth within a couple of hours after that. The midwives refused to take me to the labour ward until I was basically giving birth and I didn't get pain relief for ages. I don't understand how midwives after all the different births they've been to refuse to believe someone when they say they're in immense pain and don't believe that some women can labour quickly or that something could be going wrong which is why they're in a lot of pain. Definitely give feedback and be honest- sounds like they need to learn from their mistakes !

Absolutely say something.
Yes it won’t change your experience but I think you will feel better for being able to express how you felt/feel and it could save someone else from the same terrible experience.
Congratulations on your lovely new baby.

Why do medical professionals think they know how much pain someone is in? Things have to change.

I think we need to balance this up
We can not accuse of Midwives of having no empathy for pain ok.....some midwives have no empathy for pain. That's evident in this thread.

Sorry you had to go through this OP. A similar thing happened to me 18 years ago when my second DD was born. The midwife said I wasn't in labour and wanted to send me home. When I refused they admitted me to the ante natal ward with just a pethedine shot. It was the early hours of the morning and I was left there in agony. When I asked for the midwife to come and examine me a few hours later I was told she was having a nap and they didn't want to disturb her! A couple of hours later she came and the pain was immense by this stage. She went to examine me and I remember telling her to "get her fucking hands off me" (not my finest moment). Anyway she did her examination and declared the birth was imminent. She then had the cheek to ask if I would be able to walk to the labour suite! My daughter was born 10 mins later so you can imagine the state I was in - and she asked it I could walk!

I think you should speak to someone at the hospital to discuss your treatment. Hopefully it will stop these midwives treating another woman in the same manner.

Please, please take this further. Something very similar happened to me when I was in labour with dd2. Ignored, wasn't believed when I said I was having contractions, 10 minutes before I was taken to delivery they were still insisting on sending me home because I 'wasn't showing any signs of progress'. Eye rolling midwives, no pain relief, it was horrible. I never complained, I didn't feel like I had the right to. After all, me and my daughter were healthy and we were home after 4 days (she was 5 weeks early). But I wish I had. I'll be fine for a few days and then I'll look at dd2 and it'll all come back. Please take this further, don't wait. And congratulations on your lovely baby x

What an awful thing to go through. I would definitely speak to PALS and hopefully get some closure. Congratulations on your new baby, so pleased you got a happy ending.

I too had issues similar to Quartz. I was being monitored and my contractions were coming hard and fast but the midwife insisted I wasn't ready to give birth and to stop fussing. I had been in overnight as a precaution as I'd fallen the previous day. I asked for them to phone my husband to come in and they said it was far too early but I insisted. When he arrived he asked for a doctor, one came and examined me and said I was fully dilated and that the monitoring equipment wasn't working. When I got to the delivery room they discovered my daughter was in distress, she was stuck and they had to use high forceps to literally yank her out. It was awful. I was keep in for 5 nights and it was hellish, hated every minute I was in there.

On top of that I started to feel really unwell and they told me I'd just had a baby, what did I expect and basically told me to get on with it. 3 weeks later I was diagnosed with acute onset of an autoimmune disease and I was ill for a long time. I don't have good memories of the experience. The only positive and wonderful thing was that my daughter was perfect.

All your kind words are bringing me so much relief already! I feel like I’m being listened to! Thank you so much you lovely lovely people. My heart goes out to all those who have suffered as a result of the negligence they experienced.

I had an utter cow ‘looking after’ me when I was induced, though fortunately I had a much better experience once she’d fucked off home and I got to delivery suite. I write an account of how I’d been made to feel and sent it to the midwifery liaison committee at the hospital, where it was read out... apparently people were in tears (not sure if I quite believe that, but hey ho).

I won’t be having any more children, partially as a result of that experience (although not solely) but if I was I’d make sure to take it further and I don’t think I’d go back there again.

You are not alone op and you have every right and reason to complain.

Yes please do follow up,
I had something a bit similar but not as severe really.
As a 2nd and 3rd time mum I knew my body and knew that I had tended to get off to a slow start and then things moved very very quickly - but they didn’t listen to me and wanted to send me home (30-40 mins drive) with dc3. I refused a because of the distance and because I knew things would move quickly. I wasn’t moved to delivery suite but left on the ward with very painful contractions. After a short while because of the noise I was making I was moved to a delivery room and about 20 minutes later along she came.
Amongst the joy of her safe arrival I also had this urge for the people I had dealt with on the ward and on my admission to know that I had been right and they should have listened.

It’s like sometimes they can’t open their minds to the fact that every woman is different and things don’t progress the same.

I sympathise OP, sounds a very traumatic experience. The attitude of the midwives sounds awful. Nobody should be rolling their eyes at someone who is distressed and in pain.

However midwives can sometimes have their hands tied. I'm a midwife and all the national literature say labour isn't established until 4cm dilated. Some women at 2cm could still be having a stop, start labour which lasts for days. Labour wards are under pressure for beds so won't accept anyone until either being induced or in established labour.

Most hospitals have policies which state that strong pain relief such as pethidine but inc gas and air can't be given on an antenatal ward, certainly not an epidural. Various reasons for this, inc staffing. But again if it's a prolonged stop and start labour there's a safety issue.

National guidelines say the baby doesn't need monitoring until in established labour. So at 2cm they haven't done anything wrong by not monitoring. There is no clinical justification.

But certainly complain, the staff need talking to about their attitude. It also sounds like possibly from your behaviour someone should have spent a bit more time with you and they may then have picked up on the fact that things were changing quickly.

I am so sorry to hear what happened to you. I would definately speak to PALS and the midwife who runs the department.

When my wife had our daughter last year by induction she had issues including midwives attitudes and delays in pessiries including 1 midwife who said she was free to go home if she wanted too whilst my wife was crying her eyes out on the bed.

We made a complaint and it was dealt with. Retraining was given and we received a formal apology. I would definately make a formal complaint!

You are not alone. My 16 year old had a baby last November and she was treated like a stupid child.

Her waters broke at 36 weeks following a stomach bug, so she was admitted to the ante natal ward and hooked up to a monitor. She was in an isolation room due to the bug so no staff milling around.

Her pain threshold is HUGE. We told them this, she’d had a monstrously large bartholin cyst at 27 weeks pregnant, and to avoid a general anaesthetic it was operated on under a local. It was agony but she gritted her teeth and coped quietly.

During her time on the ante natal ward the staff wouldn’t examine her, because the monitor said she was barely contracting. She was in pain though. By 11pm she was begging them to check and they still refused, giving her 2 paracetamol. She told them her bottom was hurting, and they told her to try going to toilet!

She did as told, taking her sister with her. Luckily her sister looked and realised the baby was coming and literally dragged her back to her bed before hitting the alarm. Still no one came, and eventually my 16 year old screamed for help.

The midwife came in telling her to not shout in case she frightened the other mums to be.

Her baby was born into a midwifes hands, one glove on about 20 seconds later.

Her handheld notes read that she had a 9 second delivery phase. They also read that she’d refused to be examined.

We had an organisation called ‘Missing Pieces’ come to visit her at home to help put her thoughts in order. The birth hadn’t traumatised her so much as the treatment of her, they helped decide whether she should make a formal complaint to PALS or a more direct letter to the ward manager etc. I don’t know whether they are nationwide, or if you have your local version.

It was a therapy of a type, and we actually did a letter asking for them to think about implementing some changes.

The psychologist the hospital forced me to see even went so far as to accuse me of vomiting in pain as I was attention seeking and not in that much pain at that stage. As if she was there! Not being listened to has to be the number 1 worst bit about giving birth/being pregnant. It's awful so many experience the birth of their child so poorly.

MadamePompadour - I totally understand, and I am all for following guidelines and literature. I am a pharmacist and understand the importance of NICE etc albeit not nursing/midwifery. But not everyone has a typical labour. And it was very clear in my situation. Just reading this thread shows that atypical labours aren’t uncommon, and women not being listened to has resulted in fatalities. Although it states that babies HR does not need to be monitored until in established labour, quite clearly this was not the case for me. If I had been monitored, they would have picked up much sooner that my baby was in distress. And what if, and I hate what-ifs, they had have kept me in the antenatal ward for another 10mins? It’s quite possible that my DD would have died. I am just so fortunate that I was moved when I was. I told the midwives I was in pain, I was screaming the ward down. The best actress in the world could not have put on the performance I did if they were truly not in labour! I was denied pain relief and was treated appallingly at the most crucial time of my life.

I really wish they would realise not all births follow a text book and listen to the individual.
Like you I had horrendous contractions (48 hours with my first) but then started to push way before 10cm. They wouldn't listen and I think had I been supported better earlier the labour would have been a lot shorter. Also any midwife who tells you to have a bath should be shot. The last bath I had whilst in labour I was writing around in so much pain I banged my head and nearly knocked myself out then DH couldn't get me out of the bath! I did complain by letter but got a quite patronising letter back about how first labours are slow etc. I believe you can ask for a debrief with the head midwife.