To still feel shaken / upset at hospital

[26mcjrfm]

This may be long, apologies.

I gave birth to my DD2, 2 weeks ago. I went to admissions when contractions were 4 in 10mins and I was in significant pain. The midwife was very rough with me, and triggered a panic attack when she examined me. She wouldn’t let DP in to the room as I had requested during the examination (?) She then informed me that I was not in labour at all as I was only 2cm, and suggested I was widely exaggerating my pain. I started crying at this stage, and got very panicked and upset, so she agreed to admit me to the antenatal ward until I had established labour. I asked would I have access to pain relief there and she assured me I could have gas and air and anything bar an epidural.

DD1 was back to back, and from the scans, so was DD2. During my labour with DD1, I was contracting continuously but was not dilating. I laboured like this in immense pain for 21 hours until I got to 3cm and they agreed to an epidural, and within 2 hours I had given birth.

When I got to the antenatal ward I asked for gas and air, and was told “you’re not in labour, you’ll get no pain relief here. I’ll run you a bath”. I explained what happened in my previous labour, and they just repeated again that I wasn’t in established labour as only 2cm. Now at this stage I was squealing the ward down in pain, begging for pain relief and was given 2 paracetamol. The midwives were visibly rolling their eyes at me and telling me to calm down. Every contraction was triggering another panic attack (I’d never experienced a panic attack until this day) and it got to the stage that I was pushing. I knew something wasn’t right but no one would listen. At 4pm I cried and begged for an epidural, so they examined me and said ok you’re 3cm now, we’ll see if delivery will accept you.

I arrived to delivery suite at 4.32pm and immediately requested an epidural. They hooked me up to foetal heart monitor and examined me and I was 9cm, so too late for epidural. Next thing, they hit the crash button and a consultant came running in. She explained to me that baby was extremely distressed and needed delivered, so she was going to manually remove the remaining cervix as I pushed. I was in agony. This didn’t work, so she started getting visibly distressed herself, calling out that theatre needed cleared out as this baby needed to be delivered. I consented to a c-section and just as we were about to go, my waters broke and she tried again and DD2 was delivered. After she had to be resuscitated but has made a fantastic recovery and we’re both doing great.

The consultant came back later that evening and explained that she came from an EMCS to me as my baby’s HR was at 60bpm for 8mins when it should be between 110-160 during labour. She explained that guidelines state that if foetal HR is lowered for more than 9mins it can be fatal, which is why it was essential that my baby was delivered ASAP. I am forever grateful to the midwives and doctors that helped deliver DD and save her life.

But I am so annoyed at the midwives at admissions and on antenatal ward who did not listen one bit to me, rolled their eyes, and refused me pain relief when I was so clearly distressed and telling them that I was in labour.

I have discussed this with my community midwife, who has suggested I request to talk to someone regarding my care and to get access to my green notes. But I don’t know what I would say. I have no grievance as DD and I are perfectly fine. But I just wish someone listened to me.

I guess I am asking WWYD? Would you request to speak to someone in the hospital? Or would you be thankful all worked out ok and take time to reflect yourself?

Firstly congrats on your new baby.

Secondly - definitely get a debrief. Doing so could enable the ward to better look at training those who were complacent and unsympathetic in your hour if need. I'm so sorry you had to experience that. Any kind of reflection on your situation could lead to better management in future.

@CanCanCanYouDoThe

It's great that you have a clear picture what you want to come out of this.
I could imagine waiting a few more weeks only to settle in my own mind, be sure I knew everything I wanted to say & how to say it, but yes, it makes a lot of sense for you to pursue this.

4.5 hours on no pain relief sounds grim. :(

I agree about contacting PALS, I’m sure they are suppose to monitor the baby on antinatal ward so it could be that they missed an opportunity there too. I’m glad your both ok

Adding my voice to the crowd of “please follow this up”. The midwives concerned must be spoken to and understand their actions had consequences - thankfully not as bad as they could have been in this case.
I don’t understand some midwives - some are truly wonderful, absolute angels, and others - it’s as if they see so many women in labour that they get desensitised to it?! I was also begging for pain relief after I was induced, I also got eye rolls and sarcastic comments, then when they examined me I was much further along and suddenly their attitude changed. But why disbelieve me in the first place??

Im so sorry you went through that. I'd definitely want it investigated further to ensure the hospital can learn from the experience.

Something similar happened to me. Induced and left to Labour overnight alone on a dark ward with paracetamol and a bath. I begged for my husband to be allowed to be with me and they consented. Kept refusing to check me though and no other pain relief allowed. By 8am I thought I might die. New shift came on, examined me and suddenly things started to happen, and I was rushed to delivery as I was over 9cm. Too late for any other pain relief. Birth was long and horrific, I was frightened demoralised and exhausted.

Afterwards on the antenatal ward I asked to speak with a senior nurse but although she did come to see me she was very defensive.

Afterwards I got hold of my notes and complained officially. Not much happened, they apologised - ish but still defensive. However they did agree to a c section next time I got pregnant which I held them to!

Please make sure you debrief properly and complain if you need to. I was quite distressed for sometime afterwards and still feel angry now.

Congratulations on the birth of your child x

Please do raise this. I had a similar experience of not being listened to at DC1 birth. I told the midwife there was meconium in the water. She didn’t listen and dismissed what I was saying, until a shift change occurred. I told the new midwife and she immediately agreed and got help. My baby needed her stomach pumped after the birth and had difficulty feeding/was vomiting meconium for days.
There were numerous other issues. I wrote a complaint when I was home. It was detailed and specific (non emotional).
I received an apology and a promise that lessons had been learnt and changes would be made.
It did console me to a degree. It also ensured that the next time I gave birth, same hospital, I got a senior midwife for my delivery.
You will be helping improve the experience for other women by providing feedback to them.

My midwife was horrible; and she never believed me throughout my labour and then when I said I needed to push she told me to “shut up your 4.5cm” told her I really wanted to push; she examined me with a tut to find me fully dilated (granted only 20 mins after last examination) and had an attitude on her even when we ended up in theatre and I my daughter was born - a lot smaller then they anticipated and I burst in to tears out of relief she was here (6 years of trying numerous miscarriages ivf and a tough pregnancy) and at the sight of this tiny baby when expecting a big baby, for her to say “for god sake why are you crying now” thankfully the doctor who delivered her snapped back at her that the labour had been problematic and I was entitled to have a cry... I wish I’d have reported it but I feel it’s to late now (2years later) but if I have another I will bring up the experience then.... so yes please do complain because this day in age midwives should listen to the person in labour we are the ones who feel everything ... sorry for your difficult labour.. so glad it worked out in the end.

And massive hugs to your loss op...

I had a terrible experience and while I wouldn't recommend going through the complaints process, in that it was mentally exhausting and they just tried to blame me, I felt like I needed to do it because although of course they wouldn't admit fault to me, I have to hope that behind closed doors, they recognised their failings and have learnt lessons from what happened.

You said that you are fine, but are you sure you are fine? It's sounds like you are physically ok but being put in a situation where you are scared for your/ your baby's life is terrifying and can have lasting effects. I ended up with severe PTSD from my experience of medical negligence. Thankfully I have recovered now through EMDR therapy which I got through the NHS self referral system although the experience has changed me forever and I am still haunted by the experience although I can function day to day now.

Have you checked out the Birth Trauma Association? They have a private Facebook group full of people who have had traumatic births and it's a great place to share your thoughts, fears, experiences and give each other support. I hope you will be alright. You sound very positive and determined which is great. I wish you and your baby all the best in your recovery xxxx

Also i feel I should add...

Complaining to the hospital was a nightmare. They purposely made the process so difficult, purposely mis-interpreted my questions so I didn't get straight answers, took months to reply each time and left out answers to half my questions etc etc.

Reporting one of the midwives to the NMC and the doctor to the GMC was SO much easier and I with I had done that first and just sacked off the hospital so I didn't have to listen to all their lies.

Also I waited 4 months for my medical notes but should have requested them by recorded delivery post and then immediately contacted PALS to remind them of the law and that I expected the notes within a month.

If you do complain, hopefully my experience may help you somehow. Good luck xxxx

Sorry to read this OP, I had a similar experience with not being listened to, and thankfully everything worked out okay in the end. I did contact the birth reflections team, however, as although it was too late for anything to be done differently for me, anything I could do to stop it happening again for other people was worth a go. I don't think it will change anything, but I feel more positive for having done something, and it wasn't done to get anyone in trouble; just to as I said hope it doesn't happen again. Some things are unavoidable and unforseen, but it sounds like if they had being doing obs properly and listening to you they would have known. Obviously the outcome is the most important, but please don't minimise your experience and feel bad for feeling badly about it.

I honestly can’t get over everyone who has similar experiences. Thinking of you all, and I hope you have all had the support to get through the tough times midwives are angels on earth and the majority who I crossed paths with were unbelievable!

@Unicorndiva I'm so sorry about how you were treated. That just so awful and so unkind. You could always get the email address of the department matron off your hospital website and email them about your experience. These places supposedly take accounts from service users and try to learn from them. It could make a difference to the care of others. (Although I would fully expect them to deny what happened and say they don't remember it, they did that to me only a few months after- I would have complained sooner but was waiting for my medical notes first which they delayed sending out).

Firstly congrats on your baby am so glad you are both recovering. You need to go through your notes so as others say this doesn't happen again. I went in to be induced at 37 weeks it failed every time they did the internal exam I screamed they weren't happy but did give me gas and air for it. I had a bad cold and I told them as I am prone to chest infection but they ignored me. I was then scheduled for a c section went in to theatre all going well my baby was delivered and put in my arms. I started to feel woozy my blood pressure dropped and I was sick but I inhaled some. They rushed my husband and baby girl out as I was bleeding and they needed to close after an hour I was back with them but I went down hill as I had as they discovered later aspirational pneumonia I was transferred to the ITU and separated from my baby 2 days later back to deliver suite still on oxygen and finally after 10 days I went home and had a mental breakdown. Do not be afraid of talking about it. Good luck

Firstly congratulations on your beautiful new baby. Secondly, I’m sorry you had such a traumatic experience. You should contact the director of midwifery and ask for a debrief. They can organise this for you.

You explain very well here that you have a need to be listened to. You weren’t whilst you were in pain and you need to be heard.

As a former midwife I met many women who had atypical labours. They absolutely were in pain and eye rolling is shocking. Actually my experience would say that these atypical labours held various risk factors which should have been considered.

You and your baby are well which is the most important thing but you do need to clearly state your concerns. Your notes will not reflect your experience but a good practitioner will listen and take cognisance of those concerns.

I wish you well and all happiness with your new baby.

Time and time again women post here that they were dismissed during labour . I myself was accused of "making a fuss" I won't go into detail but I wasn't believed about my pain like so many others.l, which was detrimental to me and my labour.

Why are women still accused of hysteria and not knowing there own pain. And for the most part by other women?

We're adults and should be believed about our pain and be able to self manage what we need.

Definitely take it further if you feel able to. I had a very similar experience. Induced at 8pm, started contractions around 3am, at 9am was told to go for a coffee and calm down. Given 2 paracetamol around 12 and told first inductions don’t usually work so there was nothing to worry about. At 4pm I said I needed to push, my midwife “assured” me I wasn’t in labour but took me to the labour ward. I delivered at 4.30pm, my partner practically caught the baby as the midwife rummaged around looking for stuff. She can’t back later and apologised for being off with me but she’d hurt her shoulder! I was high risk and had god knows how many consultant appts throughout my pregnancy but was severely let down when it really counted.

Please do what you can to take this issue further. Those midwives need to learn to do better for the next patient.

I’m so sorry that your birth wasn’t what it should have been

You are not kicking up a fuss. You were left in agonizing pain and not listened to. They put your baby's life at risk. They put you at risk of pnd. You need to obtain your notes and you need to write a letter and lodge a complaint. Because, whilst you are grateful for your baby's survival, this could happen again to someone else. And it won't go away until you feel listened to and that lessons have been learned. A couple of years ago my husband was taken very unwell and drs dismissed my concerns and failed to properly assess him. He later collapsed and ended up in a coma on a life support machine,due to Severe Sepsis. Whilst I was very grateful that he had survived and grateful to the NHS for saving him, I needed to know that lessons had been learned from it and that we needed to feel listened to. It did help, although they were somewhat defensive in their approach ( unsurprisingly in such a litigious society,) and didn't disclose everything (we had to ask the right/probing questions). So, get your notes. Take your time reading them, do some research in terms of hospital/NICE policies/recommendations and write down a list of issues/questions for them to address.

Raise a complaint if you can, for people in the future. Something similar happened to my sister-in-law - lots of midwives rolling their eyes and telling her she didn't need to see the doctor for more than 4 hours. The baby died, and she nearly did too.

I would be making a formal written complaint asking for:

1. Written apologies from the midwives involved;
2. Training to be given to identify similar circumstances in other mothers so they are given appropriate treatment;
3. Communication training for staff.

Don't be grateful that you are both alive and well. That should be a natural expectation. It's great that some did their jobs properly but that doesn't mean you should overlook the failings of the others.

I had a similar experience and i think it is because there is not enough training in how quick births can be. My water broke but no contractions but was monitored due to previous ELCS. They checked at 11:30 and I was 2 cm. At midnight it started but my contractions then were constant so not recorded normally and they would just not believe me.

In the end I made a scene at the midwife desk (the antenatal ward was on the same floor and the postnatal wards) and told them if they did not take me down to the delivery suite I would stand there until every single baby had woken (simultaneously both my most embarassing and proud moment). The (male) midwife grudgingly took me down before ringing DH (middle of the night) to tell him he could come but not rush - subsequently he nearly missed it because he had a cup of coffee.

In delivery suite I was 6cm (1:25) 20 mins later I told them I was pushing to which they told me I couldnt possibly be but again checked me - 10cm. Then it all kicked off because DS heart rate showed distress.

They put me in stirrups (never asked) consultant rushed in and then ventoused him out (if that hadnt worked would have forceps and episotomy). That resulted in 2 inch internal upwards tear. No pain relief given or offered through the entire thing

Follow it up - I didnt as much as I should (spoke to a midwife the next day and wrote it in a feedback report) but I should have done because too much women are not being listened to in birth. We had the same conversation on a loop
Them: You will know when you are in labour
Me: Yes I know I am in labour
Them: Well no because the data here clearly doesnt indicate you are trust me you will know
Me: I dont care about the data I know I am labour

Because the machine wasnt picking up my contractions as such (they were continous so there was no gap) and it literally went from 0-60 they just couldnt cope. Same with the pushing
Me: My body is pushing
Them: it cant me
Me: Well yes but it is
Them: You were 6 cm 15 mins ago you cant possibly be
Me: yes I am
Them (grudingly): fine

I am paraphrasing this obviously and taking out some of the crazy (I mean I was dealing with constant contractions and felt like I was going to pass out with the pain and could barely keep still). It infuriates me no end that we are not listened to and it was ok for me more by luck than any judgement on the part of the medical professionals and that is not always the case (so sorry for anyone who has lost due to this)

Speaking to the midwife the next day who got it (she nearly delivered in a taxi) really helped as does talking it through and writing it down. Speaking to someone certainly will help and I hope lessons can and will be learnt so that the recognise fast labours

The other thing is I felt really that even though I did not in any means have the birth I wanted (DH literally walked in as he was being pulled out) he is fine (now a giant 6.5 year old) and after a couple of months physically I healed so I get what you mean but its about getting them to listen

Yanbu. Definitely report. My care was ridiculous from start to finish with my first pregnancy. Head consultant was a right tit who was pushing for an induction sin

You might want to talk to a counsellor and request a birth debrief. The Facebook group run by the birth trauma association is great for getting advice from people who have been through a lot of the debriefing and complaints procedure.

I’m really sorry no one listened to you, I never dilated a cm yet had really strong (monitored) contractions that I described like a lorry driving over my pelvis and reversing to 16 hours - resulted in crash c section under general. There seems a lot of disbelief at any mums not having text book births.

Congratulations on your dear new daughter OP. I just wanted to second what someone has already said above. Go above the ward / department / hospital with your complaint. It sounds like the NMC would be most appropriate. Feel free to write out your account to the hospital if you feel it would be fair to let them answer first, but the hospital itself will be up to its eyeballs in a combination of under-funder, over-paid managers covering their own backs and a general lack of trust between the wards and management... at least NMC will be comparatively objective.