Is this item mine or my dads

[wallchart]

13 years ago I went on a music course at uni. Before I went to uni my dad was always saying how pointless uni was and that he’d get me a car if I didn’t go. He kept saying uni was so pointless and expensive.

So I got a car but then changed my mind. Said I wanted to go uni after all.
I let him sell the car and he took the money.

Anyway I needed a keyboard for my course. I got a discount on the keyboard I got and got it at a massive cut to the usual retail price. The car sold for £3k which was not much less than what we paid for it and the keyboard cost £500. My dad paid for the keyboard out of the car money and I went to uni and kept the keyboard thereafter.

Anyway, I then asked my parents if I could store the keyboard at theirs. It’s been there for 3 months and out loud at my parents I said oh I think I might sell that keyboard now. My dad stepped in and said that’s my keyboard not yours You didn’t pay for it out of your pocket I did.

I didn’t know he felt that way. I went home.
I am now a piano teacher and was planning to give it to a student that has done really well and can’t afford a keyboard at all. I am friends with his mum so I have him discounted lessons and we worked with a really bad keyboard but he needs an upgraded one. I feel like this keyboard was mine but now I don’t even know. My dad is very controlling and I can’t see if this is him trying to control me or if I am out of order considering that keyboard to be mine. I don’t need it so if needs be I’ll leave it at my parents but they don’t play and have no friends. I’ve never ever seen them sell anything so that won’t happen. It’s almost like they’d rather it sat there than I have it back for some reason.
Aibu to take it back?

Technically, it is his but it's a really shitty way to treat your child.

It’s his.

Surely it was a gift to the OP?

I think if you said "I am going to give that keyboard to a good home to help someone and so you no longer have to store it" rather than sell something bought for you the conversation might have been different.

I think it is yours and your dad is being unreasonable. But I don't think you sell gifts so that might have got his back up.

I thought it was gifted to me for my course and I got a big discount as I worked in a music store when I bought it. He never said he wanted back until the day he said it’s his.

I suppose technically it's his but I can't imagine any normal parent pulling that stunt. What would he have done if you hadn't been storing it in his house and just sold it as intended. Would he have even found out and if he did would he have come looking for the money.

He's not very nice is he?
I suppose it's technically his, but he's being ridiculous.
Worth explaining what you had hoped to do with it, or is he too selfish?

What will the fallout be, if you take it back?
Personally, I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of ever mentioning it again. He's lost a little bit of control right there.

There’s no way he’d let me give it to this dc. He’s too selfish. I think he thinks it’s worth more than what it is and I’m about to sell something that’s his money. I suppose I can let it sit there now then. It’s a shame because I don’t even want to ask for it back at all now and I know it will just sit there and do nothing in the corner of his spare room.

He would not have known if I had given it away previously as I have had it in storage but am moving to a smaller place and while I’m moving I asked them to store some things for me including this. It got me wondering what I’m ok to take back from them and what else they might consider theirs.

Ask him how much he wants for it as you want to buy it to give to this kid. Explain his circumstances and say you wanted to do a good thing. Then say you can't afford that. Sort of shame him into giving it to you.

You have a father precisely like mine.

If he gives something to you and you stop using it he can and will reclaim it and do whatever he wants with it - mine tends to gift things to others, so he looks really generous. I have very few childhood possessions because of this, I lost most of them actually during my childhood.

Next time you see them just say that it's a pity he can't be generous and let you take it as it looks so sad sat there, being a dust catcher. But that you appreciate his need is greater than yours!

And then decide how much more brain space you want to give him and his selfishness! I am far happeir now I have realised that my dad is a real narcissist (not just a selfish man) and that I can just let him get on with it!

Just a thought but would your mum give it to you on the sly or is she as bad as him.

It's such a shame that your student is going to miss out because of your father's poor attitude.
Let it be a dust gatherer in his house, let it be a constant reminder of his poor attitude.
From here on in, don't give him any opportunity to have any power over you.
Your lack of reaction will be gutting to him because you are showing that he has no control or power to upset you.

It’s not really clear what the legal position is - he obviously bought it but it sounds like he gave it as a gift, which would technically make it yours.

Either way, I think he’s being a dick about it now!

He doesn’t believe in doing ‘good things’ he will definitely rather see it stay at his house collecting dust. My mum just stands there rolling her eyes saying ah well you know him.
She won’t help me. It was more if this item is mine I would feel confident to go and get it. If it’s his then I will leave it there. I haven’t offered it to the boy I just wanted the keyboard to be used again.

@finnmcool yes that’s what my friend has said. Don’t rise to these games anymore. I don’t need my parents and they don’t do anything for me. Expect store stuff for me. That they plan to reclaim apparently as they paid for it when I was a teenager

I agree with the others technically it’s his but his attitude and the way he has treated you is appalling. Can you buy it off him cheaply by pretending to sell it and giving him the money? Be the bigger person and leave him to it, possessions are nothing when you end up alone.

Surely this was a gift given to you as a teenager.
He can't take back everything he has ever given you! And if it cost you £500 13 years ago, surely it's almost worthless by now?
He sounds nasty, OP.

it's His, but your Dad is a completely controlling fucker and I'd take pleasure in ignoring him for the rest of my life, but that's just me.

Walk away with your head high and resolve never to be a tight arse like him and treat your children with such disrespect.
I'd cool it with him and try not to spend as much time with him. Maybe invite your Mum out for coffee if you want to see her, he sounds nasty.

Wow! They sound like a right pair of delights!

I'm so pleased that you don't need them for anything. By the sounds of it, they would hold anything and everything over you.

It's truly awful when parents behave like this, however they have made you to be strong and independent of them. One day, this will bite them on the arse and they will have no one to blame but themselves.

I think the right thing to do, is to ignore him.

But... If it is important to you, tell him it is ok to sell it, but that he owes you xx amount of money from the discount. Perhaps having to get money from his pocket will make him give it back to you?

put a wanted add on your local freegle. you cant change your dad,you need to change how he affects you.

I think it’s your keyboard as it was given to you.