Is this item mine or my dads

[wallchart]

13 years ago I went on a music course at uni. Before I went to uni my dad was always saying how pointless uni was and that he’d get me a car if I didn’t go. He kept saying uni was so pointless and expensive.

So I got a car but then changed my mind. Said I wanted to go uni after all.
I let him sell the car and he took the money.

Anyway I needed a keyboard for my course. I got a discount on the keyboard I got and got it at a massive cut to the usual retail price. The car sold for £3k which was not much less than what we paid for it and the keyboard cost £500. My dad paid for the keyboard out of the car money and I went to uni and kept the keyboard thereafter.

Anyway, I then asked my parents if I could store the keyboard at theirs. It’s been there for 3 months and out loud at my parents I said oh I think I might sell that keyboard now. My dad stepped in and said that’s my keyboard not yours You didn’t pay for it out of your pocket I did.

I didn’t know he felt that way. I went home.
I am now a piano teacher and was planning to give it to a student that has done really well and can’t afford a keyboard at all. I am friends with his mum so I have him discounted lessons and we worked with a really bad keyboard but he needs an upgraded one. I feel like this keyboard was mine but now I don’t even know. My dad is very controlling and I can’t see if this is him trying to control me or if I am out of order considering that keyboard to be mine. I don’t need it so if needs be I’ll leave it at my parents but they don’t play and have no friends. I’ve never ever seen them sell anything so that won’t happen. It’s almost like they’d rather it sat there than I have it back for some reason.
Aibu to take it back?

It's absolutely yours. Unless he made it clear it was a 'loan' at the time of gifting, he doesn't have a (piano) leg to stand on.

Saying that, I suppose your decision would depend on whether the fall out is worth the hassle.

I said oh I think I might sell that keyboard now.

I am now a piano teacher and was planning to give it to a student that has done really well and can’t afford a keyboard at all

So why did you tell him you were going to sell it, when you were planning on giving it away? His attitude might have been different if you weren't selling.

Why don't you go back and say that you have a pupil who would really benefit from the keyboard and you would like to lend it to them.

That way when the pupil gives up/needs a better one you have it to give to another pupil who is in need.

This is so sad. In law there is a presumption that dealings between family members do not create any form of contract.

If anyone in a similar circumstance wants certainty then get something drawn up in writing by a solicitor.

Case in point [years ago] that GGM gave us £1000 for a house. Lot of money in those days. She later claimed it was a loan. We could not afford to repay. She died before resolution ...

If you just took it, then, if he noticed, said 'Oh, I thought you were joking!', then what?

I can see why he thinks it's his. It was from the car money. Is it that he gave you £3k towards fees etc, instead of buying the car?

Anyway, you had the education, you have the career (albeit probably not a well-paid one), you can rise above and ignore the old stuck-in-the-mud.

Would he let you take it back so that you could use it at your house?

Just going back to the car. Whose name was the car in? Yours or your fathers?

If it was in your name, he gave you a car. You then sold it and gave him the money from the sale.

If the car was in his name, he bought you a car to use. He then sold the car and pocketed the money.

Just wanting to establish the facts so please answer. But as an aside his behaviour is disgusting.

You give two opposing accounts and both cannot be true.

1 - “I got a discount on the keyboard I got and got it at a massive cut to the usual retail price.”

2 - “My dad paid for the keyboard out of the car Monet and I went to uni and kept the keyboard thereafter.”

Who physically paid for the keyboard? Is there a receipt anywhere? As you were the employee in the shop, wouldn’t you have physically paid for it. This was an employee discount. Not a friends and family discount.

At any point, did he tell you this was a loan, not a gift? If he didn’t, it would be fair to take it to be a gift in lieu of the car. The fact that he and your mother agreed to store the keyboard and didn’t state they were re taking ownership indicates they know it’s yours.

He’s screwing with your head. Time to be an adult. Go and demand your property and refuse all help from him in future. Horrid horrid man.

I would see it as a gift and people don't take gifts back, especially parents.

If it were me, and as you asked them to STORE it, I'd say "I'm ready now to collect the keyboard and thanks for storing it and I can't wait to play it every night" then take it and give it to the child.

Oh no, so the car was a bribe, no contribution to fees. More reason to consider it a gift. Unless he said it was on loan at the time?

It was silly of you to say 'sell' to him, rather than 'lend to a pupil'.

Been there. "I bought it so it's mine" well no, because you gave it to me didn't you?

It's a shame your student probably won't get the keyboard now, but I'd be telling DF to shove it up his arse and I wouldn't be spending any time with him in the future. It's a very controlling way to behave.

This sort of shit reminds me of my parenting. Taking anything from your parents creates a very expensive debt. In my 40’s I finally stood up to my mother and no longer have a “debt”. One day and I hope very soon you will realise these people are not better than you. They are holding power over you and you actually have the ultimate power as you can choose to have a good life and distance yourself from them or even cut contact. Don’t be betrayed into thinking your mum is any better than your father. She is choosing peace and is allowing you father to abuse you.

Technically it's his but only in the same way all the clothes, school uniforms, shoes etc he's paid for. They were bought FOR you.

What would have happened if you had just said that you needed it again & had taken it?

I don't really understand why you taught a student on a bad keyboard when you had a better one sitting at your parents.

I think the keyboard is yours. Your dad bought it for you or so it seemed at the time. Maybe he is muddled about it but it seems mean for him to want to hang onto it. Does he play?

Why don't you go back and say that you have a pupil who would really benefit from the keyboard and you would like to lend it to them.

The OP said her father doesn’t believe in doing good deeds for people, so this would fall on deaf ears.

@diddl I have a piano to teach on, what I mean is the student has a bad keyboard to practise on.

@Piffle11 this has definitely occurred to me

Is your mum aware of the discussion?

What would happen if you went round when your dad wasn’t there and casually said you’d come to collect it?

Yes saying I wanted to sell it was stupid. I just never thought he’d say it was his tbh. I was just making crap conversation whilst feeling guilty some of my stuff was at theirs. In hindsight don’t even know why I felt like that either.

Oh and.... I reckon it’s yours. You were working in the shop and got the discount, then it was given to you to use without mention of giving it back.

I would tell him I had a buyer for the keyboard - they would pay £x. Take the keyboard and then say "Oh, yeah they didn't turn up for it" and leave it at that.

TBH I would have gone NC with these bastards years ago.

He bought a gift for his teenager then decided it's his over a decade later?
He has absolutely no use for it and given it's age it's probably worth next to nothing, that's some really backwards controlling crap.
Sounds like an interesting chap.
I'd be getting all my stuff out of their house as soon as possible and limiting contact.
As a PP suggested just go when he isn't in and collect it unless this will likely cause massive issues

It's no longer your keyboard. He has possession of it and claims he paid for it.
Unless you have in writing that it is yours and he was just storing it for you or maybe you have receipt for it? You are on shakey ground.
You are planning to give it away anyway. That's a bit if a bun move from you given he feels aggrieved somehow.

He's upset and sounds controlling. But I can see how he might feel or view it. That's not what I'd do as a parent, I'd happily store and return items to my DC. but we don't know backstory with your dad and money. Like did he support you otherwise?

Feck me! And you stay in contact for why??

Sorry, maybe I misunderstood. You aren't planning to give it away or sell it? But you want to use it now?
Either way your dad claims he bought it and you left it with him for 3+ years, so I suspect he has upper hand here.

I don't like it either as no reasonable parent would take their child's gifts if that what it was but unless you can prove it? ...