To be pissed off by my friend's career snobbery?

[Oddychaj]

DD is starting Year 13. She wants to do her degree in pediatric nursing, but is aware the course is competitive and plans to do adult nursing then get the further qualifications for neonatal on top of that if she can't do pediatric. Her preferred uni is Central Lancashire. We expect her to get all of the grades required etc. Was having coffee yesterday with a friend and was a little shocked by what she said. We were talking about our DC and I said:

"DD is looking to go into pediatric nursing or potentially neonatal. We've looked at a few unis and are very optimistic."

She responded:

"Why hasn't she looked at being a doctor? She seems clever enough and I'd say it's much more rewarding."

I was quite thrown. DD is clever and I expect her to get the grades for nursing with flying colours, but she's unlikely to get A's and A* across the board. Probably a mix of A's and B's. Which I see absolutely no problem with. She also stated to me she's not interested in doctor as it's a much longer course and has more elements to it that she's not interested in. I told my friend this and she responded "If my DS (15) decides to go into the medical field I will be pushing him towards doctor." I changed the subject.

AIBU to be quite insulted? We are from a working class background and DD will be one of 2 family members on my side to have gone to uni. So it's very exciting for us. I don't like hearing her chosen career will be inferior.

despite the fact paediatric and neonatal nurses are vital they are not compensated as well as doctors are over the course of a career.

I don’t think it was necessarily snobbery that drove your friend’s comments. She may have been more concerned with long term financial security and the injustice of the current system that sees so few working class people go into the better paying and more influential professions.

It is hugely offensive to suggest that nurses are people who wanted to be doctors are weren't bright enough. They are different careers with different skills.

I think what is important is that your dd chooses a career she will enjoy.

Just as an aside (and I know there are always exceptions as noted by someone on here already) but going from adult nursing to neonates is very, very hard indeed. Not only will there be competition for jobs from paediatric nurses but the actual adult branch course will do little to prepare her for the realities of neonatal nursing. As a paediatric nurse I found neonates tough and didn't do it fo long. She would be much better going all out for a child branch course even if she has to move to do it if that's where her passion lies. I started on adult branch when the rscn conversion was still available and realised very quickly that it had no place in my longer term career objectives. I moved to a child branch course and knew it was the right thing to do. I also had a wobble about ten years later and applied for medicine but I didn't have the support around me to do that as I had a child by then so gave up my place. Ironically I work with children and adults now but would not be dosing what I do now without my paediatric training. And I do a job which until very recently was exclusively doctors only. Back on topic, your friend may have been rude or just trying to see if she is settling for one career when another is achievable for her. As others have said some women do this especially from working class backgrounds and would count myself in that. We were never encouraged at school to think of those types of careers because no one round our way ever had before. If you were bright and female it was nursing or teaching. I wish her luck in her application process, it's tough (I've interviewed for universities before) but if she's determined and flexible she will get on a child branch course somewhere

Dosing? Doing! Although I have dosed many a medicine over the years!

It's not insulting for someone to ask the question

It certainly is when it is worded in the way it was here, in that the so-called friend was looking down on nursing as a career choice, and insinuating that the OP's dd should be doing something 'better'.

The 2 I know took time after A levels and worked in nursing homes whilst they gave it more thought.

Work experience in a nursing home really isn’t going to give anyone an idea of what it’s like to be a nurse.

Being a nurse is a great career- your daughter should be proud she has such a great ambition!

I think the difference between nursing and being a doctor is huge, a lot of it won't appeal to those not hugely interested in the sciences so it's not as simple as your friend said to just try and train as a doctor!

I would love to study a medical degree but my maths and science have never been up to scratch. I'm also quite squeamish couldn't even comprehend being a nurse with what they get up to! Hats off to your daughter

One of my friends was a nicu nurse. She trained as an advanced neonatal practioner and is now on nearly 50k. She works on the doctor rota rather than the nurse rota doing the same role a paed dr does. Ok she will never reach consultant salary but she's doing ok.

Ha, I've been told all my working life that I 'could have been more, done better'

Better than living my life within a career I love and am HAPPY in?
I think not. I've seen a lot of desperately unhappy people in 'better' jobs.

UCLAN has a great paediatrics programme. I know one of the lecturers in child nutrition and she’s lovely and very well regarded. That’s my tuppence worth.

I doubt she was trying to be insulting, but I don’t think you should push your daughter to be a doctor if she’d rather be a nurse.

I can see both sides tbh. Does your friend have a different background to you?

I wonder if one or the other is ultimately more flexible if you have children?

@DonnatellaLyman thank you! We think the same about you guys

Someone mentioned about NICU nurse competition- it very much depends where you are and when you want to go into it. Also the level of unit. I work with adult, paeds and midwife trained nurses and we all agree that neonates is so specialised that no course totally
Prepared us. I have to say in the south east we have a fantastic preceptorship programme and an even better qualified in speciality PG dip.

For example, if your DD is bright enough to cope with a medical degree, far better to to that and then look at nursing if thats what she ultimately wants to do.

What utter bollocks. That’d be a waste of time and money. She wants to be a nurse so she’s being smart and applying for the appropriate training.

Ignore your ‘friend’. She’s a narrow minded idiot

Wow! Take the chip off your shoulder before it buries you!

You should actually be flattered that your friend thinks so highly of your DD. Perhaps you don't think highly enough? Not that there's anything wrong with being a nurse, but could you be holding her back?

I don't think it is any of anyone else's business.

Your DD wants to do nursing, eventually specialising in paediatric nursing. It is a very valid career choice, and good for her. I think it does sound as though she has already given it some careful consideration and knows what she hopes to achieve.

I wouldn't be impressed by friend's comments and would very possibly tell her so.

We need nurses just as much as doctors. It is not inferior. It is a different branch of medical career. All are highly trained and educated in their chosen field.

Your DD sounds great. It is her opinion that matters here. Nobody else's. If she feels it is the right choice for her then it is. I'd support her all the way.

Honestly I think some people still think nursing is about cleaning out bedpans and making tea. There are lots of specialist jobs that nurses can do - it seems like a very rewarding career. Good luck to your DD.

Hi OP - don’t be offended. She is telling you that she thinks your daughter has all the potential in the world. Take it as a compliment!

Oh OP I hear you! DS1 is due to start an adult nursing degree in Sept with predicted grades of AAA in 3 sciences.
I think it is a sad reflection of societies attitude towards nurses that he is forever being told he could do better. His teachers, friends, even a lecturer who was interviewing him for a nursing course have told him he should "aim higher".
He has carefully considered why he wants to be a nurse, he is clever, organised, friendly and kind, he is motivated by a sense of fulfilment rather than financial gain.
I'm a health professional myself and forever meet prospective medical students who when asked what they will do if they dont get the grades, say they will apply for accounting/finance. So where is their vocation there then?

@HPFA Funnily enough I've noticed that as well. My godmother (she's 84 so I don't hold it against her) thought DD going into peads nursing meant she'd be changing poorly babies nappies and cleaning the ward! She was shocked when I told her there was lots more to it than that, that you deal with the patients family, offer emotional support, relay stats back to the doctor and take readings. Not to mention dealing with equipment and transferring patients.

Fair enough her thinking that it's still like that, bless her. But shocking when people much younger with an education are so ignorant about it.

I'd see that as a compliment that she possibly is capable of becoming a Doctor:)

Your friend is a bit dim if she cannot see that medicine and nursing are 2 completely different careers. Nurses are not 'failed' doctors. It is a different job.

My friend finished her nursing course at UCLAN a couple of years ago. It’s obviously tough but she enjoyed it. Hope your DD succeeds

I get your irritation OP but there's a danger you may become (or be seen as) 'that parent'.

Your child hasn't even started upper 6th form yet. She hasn't done her A Levels or even got into Uni and yet here you are, being insulted and shocked that people are 'ignorant' about the job your daughter has chosen to do.

I get that you're excited and proud but you're going to be exhausted taking such offence to everyone who doesn't realise what a wonderful career your daughter may be choosing.

And actually, there's a small chance you may have irritated your friend - hence her snippy reply.

YANBU. Your 'friend' is a snob, and is rude and obnoxious.

I'd start giving her a wide berth actually.