To be pissed off by my friend's career snobbery?

[Oddychaj]

DD is starting Year 13. She wants to do her degree in pediatric nursing, but is aware the course is competitive and plans to do adult nursing then get the further qualifications for neonatal on top of that if she can't do pediatric. Her preferred uni is Central Lancashire. We expect her to get all of the grades required etc. Was having coffee yesterday with a friend and was a little shocked by what she said. We were talking about our DC and I said:

"DD is looking to go into pediatric nursing or potentially neonatal. We've looked at a few unis and are very optimistic."

She responded:

"Why hasn't she looked at being a doctor? She seems clever enough and I'd say it's much more rewarding."

I was quite thrown. DD is clever and I expect her to get the grades for nursing with flying colours, but she's unlikely to get A's and A* across the board. Probably a mix of A's and B's. Which I see absolutely no problem with. She also stated to me she's not interested in doctor as it's a much longer course and has more elements to it that she's not interested in. I told my friend this and she responded "If my DS (15) decides to go into the medical field I will be pushing him towards doctor." I changed the subject.

AIBU to be quite insulted? We are from a working class background and DD will be one of 2 family members on my side to have gone to uni. So it's very exciting for us. I don't like hearing her chosen career will be inferior.

Why train to be a doctor if you want to be a nurse? Nursing isn’t watered down medicine, it’s it’s own profession.

Nursing is very hard work though.
So is medicine. Both give you lots of opportunity to branch out though eg advanced nurse practitioners.

I would say that doctors do tend to earn more though so maybe your friend was getting at that? Still if you want to earn more then just get a job in the City!

Sounds like your daughter has her head screwed on. Has she done some work experience on the wards? If there was any doubt in her mind I’d recommend this.

To be honest I think there are a lot of doctors that are only doing the job because they were forced to by their parents.

How do you know this?

I'm a NICU nurse, it is totally different to being a doctor!!!
Our doctors are brutally honest about the fact they need us, and can't work half of the equipment.

We are a team, we are one huge family and couldn't run without doctors nurses parents
Nursery nurses dietitians pharmacists and much more! None of us are more intelligent or more important than any other person- we all have our own roles and brings we bring to the table.

Good luck to your daughter- it's an incredible job (I'm also an adult trained nurse)

It's not really snobbery to suggest that a doctor is a better paid career than a nurse. Lots of females still think being a doctor is out of reach for them, so I don't think she did anything wrong in raising it.

You're being touchy.

We need nurses as much as doctors. If everyone thought nursing was beneath them self limiting who would actually do the nursing bit of caring for sick people?

Your friend reminds me of an acquaintence's husband who, when the bin men were on strike over pay and conditions, thought they should just get different jobs if they weren't happy. He was a solicitor, but clearly as thick as two short planks since it didn't occur to him that if bin men and solicitors both ceased to exist, we would miss the bin men first!
Some people just don't understand that just because a job might not earn you lots of money, it is still important.

It's outrageously rude to belittle someone's child without being asked your opinion blue.

It's also pretty depressing to assume money is everyone's motivation.

I think certain people get used to looking at life through a very specific lens. It can be very narrow and being the most successful/brilliant/wealthy person doesn't even necessarily lead to happiness. Life is far too long to do anything just to impress other people.

Your dd sounds great and it's lovely she knows what she wants to do. Nurses do such a valuable job and it sounds a gruelling training to be one. I'm sure she'll do really well and make a massive difference to many lives in the process.

My MIL is like this with my husband. It pains her so much that he earns slightly less than he might be able to get in another industry, but also its about the boasting she feels she is missing out on because she doesn't respect the job he is doing. People should be allowed to live their lives and be happy. It's not all about money. Both my husband's parents were very depressed doing stressful high-paying jobs they didn't enjoy and had to retire about 15 years earlier than most other people seem to because they were at breaking point. Why they think we should want to recreate that life is beyond me.

Nurses are my heros, especially paediatric ones (my dd has a serious illness and we spend weeks at a time living in the children’s hospital).

Your daughter (and you) should take great pride in her choosing nursing. Fingers crossed she gets her first choice ❤️

Your friend is being a dick.

I know 2 young women who both expressed a wish to do nursing, when they did work experience BOTH of them changed their minds.

One is now a GP and the other a consultant, they followed suggestions from the nurses they met.

Being a doctor is not easy but does open opportunities in various fields.

The 2 I know took time after A levels and worked in nursing homes whilst they gave it more thought.

We do need good nurses and especially those who really want to do it.

Plus can I interject that the myth of under-paid nurses is now just that. They start at mid twenties annually and at band 7 can go up to just under £44k annually that does not include enhanced pay for unsocial hours nursing pay is good. Now if you want to look at doctors pay that's another matter. A registrar can only hope to get starting pay of about £37k annually and they are specialist in their field. It's only when you progress to consultant level the money starts coming in. When you really think about it their pay is the real nhs scandal for what they do/level of responsibility. Plus medical school 5 years continuing exams afterwards stress levels through the roof never seeing your family omg who'd be a doctor?

Women are more likely to choose lower paid careers (such as nursing) than men. If it's your DD's passion then that's great and she should go for it! But I do think that some women may have a "that's not for people like me" attitude. Which is a shame. And that won't change until more people start challenging it.

Ps more women are going into medical school than men for the record

I just wish nurses were appreciated more and rewarded financially for the amazing work they do. I'm not a nurse and wouldn't like to be one but I appreciate what they do.

I think her question was a pretty normal one. Being a doctor is more rewarding financially. Traditionally it has higher status. Girls are often underconfident and over-cautious. Children from families without a history of going to university often lack the knowledge and confidence to pitch their applications correctly, in terms of matching aptitude with options. Conversely, children from university-going families often have no qualms about applying for, even a sense of entitlement to the 'best' opportunties.

So, it's always a question worth asking.

From what you've said though, your dd has really thought this through and knows what she wants to do and why. That is excellent and far more than many would-be students do, career-wise.

I’d take it as a compliment that your friend believes your DD is capable of doing either degree course.

If she's getting As and A*s in science subjects then I do agree with your friend. Of course she's not going to find all aspects of a medical degree interesting...who does? I think its a fallacy to think that to be a doctor you've got to be 100% fascinated by every aspect of medicine. However if she's good at science, interested in science, then I would say don't limit yourself - do medicine.

Our doctors are brutally honest about the fact they need us, and can't work half of the equipment.

We are a team, we are one huge family and couldn't run without doctors nurses parents
Nursery nurses dietitians pharmacists and much more!

As a NICU doctor I want to echo the above with spades. Our neonatal nurses are wonderful, intelligent women and men and I’m grateful everyday that they are my colleagues. The career progression is faster than in medicine and loads of scope to branch out either to management, teaching or advanced nursing practitioner roles. Good luck to your DD!

Also I would add that a five your course sounds like a long time to a 17/18 year old. However, of course when you're 30 you realise that 3 years, 5 years, 7 years...really doesn't matter as long as you enjoy your job!

My DS1 was born four months early and he wouldn’t be here now if it wasn’t for dozens of incredibly skilled and specialist neonatal nurses. I think your friend simply doesn’t know what she’s talking about, OP. You should be incredibly proud of your DD for making such a rewarding and special career choice. x

First, to those saying that if she's intelligent, then she should go for a medical degree... load of crap. People choose their career for many different reasons , whether they are able to do it is only one reason.

This isn't a Communist state where professions are based on apparent aptitude you know.
There seems to be a similar attitude in education- if you're support staff, then clearly you're not as bright as teachers.
Many people ARE aware of their options, but make a choice ( on purpose!!).

Your friend was being naive or tactless at best.

But to the OP- can I make a suggestion? If your DD doesn't get on a Childrens nursing course, she may want to take a gap year and gain more experience. That may be a shorter way around it than training to be an adult nurse and then re-training.

Gain more experience and then re-apply....

My godparents are like this. They actually asked my dad (in front of me) whether he was disappointed after spending so much money on my education that I was "only" a teacher.

It's incredibly rude to comment on the career choices of someone else's child.

It's not insulting for someone to ask the question. If DD wants to be a nurse, that's great. But plenty of people, especially women, lack confidence to go for what they really want or could achieve, so it's good for them to be challenged to see if they are 'settling' for less, or picking the thing they really want.

Sorry, I'm with this too ^. There is still a prevailing attitude in some parts of society that men should be doctors and women should be nurses, that's not saying that nursing is lesser or less worthwhile (although it evidently does offer less career advancement opportunities long term), it's just a reasonable and natural question to ask given the sexism that still exists around jobs like this.

She has said your daughter is really intelligent and could do it, that doesn't sound insulting or snobbish to me.

I didn’t read that comment by friend as career snobbery. she was actually complimenting your daughter on how clever she is, and so suggested she could be more ambitious. I think you are perhaps overthinking a reasonable question.