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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend called me a selfish idiot?

115 replies

PrincipalVernon · 06/07/2019 18:42

Apparently it was a half joke so I can’t be offended but I’m still a bit wide eyed.
Long (possibly boring) story short: we have bought a new house, we currently live in a small 3 bedroom and have bought a 4 bedroom which does have larger rooms throughout.
My friend was round for coffee and asked how it was all going so I told her we actually had an offer accepted etc.
She then said because I only have 1 child we were being selfish for buying a house where all the bedrooms won’t be used, I don’t know why but I felt myself trying to justify partly by saying that I work from home so one of the rooms would be an office, she then pointed out that we’d still have a spare and this was idiotic and unfair.
Am I missing something and being unreasonable for wanting a bigger house even though we won’t be adding to our family?

OP posts:
that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 · 06/07/2019 21:09

My cats have their own room !

EACH I hope Grin

Whatdoyouknowwhenyouknownowt · 06/07/2019 21:28

My dogs have to share.

I'm having green envy over the separate his & hers living rooms. Do have my own bedroom tho...

CorBlimeyGovenor · 06/07/2019 21:28

Just tell her that the extra rooms are required for staff quarters! That'll feck her off even more.

BumbleBeee69 · 06/07/2019 21:29

Jealous... and get a new friend

TabbyMumz · 06/07/2019 21:34

Unfair to who? Her?

HPFA · 06/07/2019 21:50

I think it's absolutely fine to have a house that's bigger than you "need".

I admit I did get annoyed once when I drove past a beautiful large house with a thatched roof and a sign up saying "No to Green Gables" - a proposed new development which was actually going to be a couple of miles away!

vdbfamily · 06/07/2019 21:50

We bought as big a house as we could afford as an investment. When the children have left, we will downsize and hopefully release some money to live on as although I will have an ok pension, DH won't and sees the house as a pension pot. I also love having a spare room as we can have guests to stay which I love doing.

vdbfamily · 06/07/2019 21:52

Just to add, growing up we had a large spare room and 2 of my brother's shared a small room until they left home. We have a big extended family and there were always visitors.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 06/07/2019 21:54

She's jealous and rude.

OrdinarySnowflake · 06/07/2019 22:01

I do find it odd that we view upstairs rooms in a house as only able to be used as bedrooms or bathrooms. If you bought a 4 bed bungalow, noone would find it odd that you only planned to use 2 of them as bedrooms.

Livelovebehappy · 06/07/2019 22:03

The only time it would have been ok for her to say that would be if it were social housing, but it would be very unlikely that anyone in social housing would ever get an extra bedroom anyway.

Hithere12 · 06/07/2019 22:10

I think 2 bed houses are more in demand anyway so it’s better you’re buying a large house than taking a small one off the market.

starsparkle08 · 06/07/2019 22:16

It’s none of her business where you choose to live . If you can afford it and maintain it why does it concern her ?
I would be pleased for a friend if they were happily moving home . Sounds as though she has her own issues going on which are spilling over into her judgement of your situation

Monsterinmypocket · 06/07/2019 22:17

YANBU, it's a family home. In some ways as a renter who is overcrowded I can see her point of view, but the issue is a total lack of housing and hardly your fault.

What I really don't get are the dilapidated big homes with one lone person living in it. It's far too much for them to cope with, they could buy a smaller place that needs no work and the old house could house a whole family, yet they cling on to it. That is really bewildering.

Benjispruce · 06/07/2019 22:21

She is what is is known as well jel mate.

bigfatmoggy · 06/07/2019 22:25

She's a cow! When I was young free and single I was fortunate enough to buy my (then) dream home which was a semi-detached period cottage with 4 bedrooms, a huge kitchen and two good sized receptions! I loved it so much - but it had no parking or garage and when I met DH those were deal breakers so I had to move. But I had no kids. I had my room, a guest room, a study and an ironing/laundry room. I had more space than I ever had since, and although we now have a 4 bed detached, we also have two DCs and life is cluttered...Grin.

But why would she even say that - apart from obvious jealousy, and an unpleasant nature! If you can afford it, then good for you! Enjoy.....

BullBullBull · 06/07/2019 22:28

One child, 4 bedrooms here. Still feels small

OneOfOurOwn · 06/07/2019 22:42

I have 4 bedrooms in a house that needs work because we couldn't afford a 3 bedroom house that was in walk in condition. She is very rude and probably envious.

Durgasarrow · 06/07/2019 22:45

Who made her the queen of the world?

that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 · 06/07/2019 22:47

What I really don't get are the dilapidated big homes with one lone person living in it.
maybe it's their home and always has been. Why should they leave.

YouokHun · 06/07/2019 23:15

Envy. Pure and simple

(not jealousy, that means something different, just being a pedant here).

Jux · 06/07/2019 23:24

Monsterinmypocket, my parents sold the family home (8 beds) and moved to a 2 bed flat. At the time, they did it with my blessing, but 15 years later I wished that they hadn't as dh, dd and I could have moved in and looked after them as well as had the space ourselves whi staying in a locality where our friends were.

Instead we moved 150 miles away (and brought mum with us - dad was dead by then), something I regret almost every day.

Maybe those people living alone in big houses are trying to avert that event. Children, grandchildren, who will need or want it.

AdoraBell · 06/07/2019 23:25

Sounds like she is jealous. How is it unfair that you can afford a 4 bed house?

pigsDOfly · 06/07/2019 23:29

Who are you depriving by having extra bedrooms? Her comments make no sense, of course you're not being selfish.

I live in a three bedroom house on my own, apart from the dog, does that make me selfish?

It's my house, I've bought it with my own money. No one is going without because I've got extra rooms. There's plenty of other houses out there for other people to buy.

Apart from anything else, the dog likes to be able to move around from room to room during the night Grin

kateandme · 06/07/2019 23:36

jealous dont worry.we are always angry at people unreasonably or bitter when jealous.
dont bother telling her she wont see it.
good on you this must be such a lovely thing.
please dont let this bring you down.there is so much shit i nthis world.
you have just bought somewhere happy,safe and you deserve it.
there are so many people who would love this house.so go enjoy it.love it.and leave her to it.